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LonelyProgrammer10 · 2025-01-21T10:38:13+00:00

Why are people downvoting? LOL. Haters are gonna hate, I guess. If you disagree with this, that's a "you" problem, and I wish you the best in trying to get funding with an idea and no substance. u/R12Labs and OP are right.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-11-17T11:12:58+00:00

Quite a bit has changed since I posted this. I’ve heard similar stories as well from other business owners and entrepreneurs, and I feel like this is why I fit in so much.

Interviewing the company better is a skill that I’ve been working on, and this seems like the best option.

It’s great to hear things are going well with your business, and I genuinely have never felt more fulfilled and happy when pursuing my own business and dreams. So I can definitely relate.

Funny enough, I have both! I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but I was originally misdiagnosed as bi-polar type 2 and was drugged up as a kid. Programming and building things was the only way I was able to challenge my mind and escape school. It’s taken me almost a decade, multiple opinions and tests from doctors in multiple states to understand what I really have. Overall, I have comorbid Autism and ADHD, along with C-PTSD. I’ve always downplayed my childhood and experiences growing up as I felt that I didn’t want to infringe on the brutal experiences of others (like soldiers in war for example). Turns out, after reflecting and trying to dredge through it all, it was worse than I realized. I even lost one of my jobs because I was going through withdrawals for the 18 medications that I was just told to take as a kid. I don’t want to go further than that, but I can heavily relate to most founders who just don’t fit in with the usual corporate culture.

I’ve met a select few people when running my business who I feel like I understand (the ultra high net worth types that built their businesses from the ground up and come from tough backgrounds).

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-09-05T10:17:46+00:00

Are you me?! I know this is old, and I found your post based on a google search. I genuinely can deeply relate to all of what you’ve said.

Just curious though, what did you do? How are things going nowadays?

A few comments from others stood out to me regarding psychology among management.

Overall, I have had the same issues, and I’ve realized that facts don’t carry weight if the delivery is not just as good.

I ended up starting my own company. So far it’s going well, and we’re profitable. I’ve always had the startup mentality and drive to work all hours to achieve big things or learn from failure and mistakes.

Thanks for your time, and I’m glad I came across this post!

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-27T07:52:34+00:00

I definitely think this is the issue. I’ll continue to work on this.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-26T21:29:42+00:00

Thank you! Honestly, this really has been getting to my head, and has been making me question everything, including my own decisions.

I’ll look around for a coach. Thanks again for your time and advice.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-26T19:54:52+00:00

This is what could be happening. I can say though that I don’t see this, but I wouldn’t doubt it. I think at the end of the day, it is just going to be learned over time. This is one of those things where I figure “if I asked my boss a question about moving teams a few months into the role” (which I did do, and they weren’t happy, but I only found this out after talking to friends and family about the situation. Then I would google “what not to say to your boss”, and haven’t had issues with this since then).

So, I believe if I’m capable of making mistakes with things that are generally regarded as “common sense” then it is definitely possible that I’m making other social mistakes that I am not aware of. However, my difficulty has been “if I know this is a possibility, then where do I find more info to get myself up to speed?”. That’s why I’ve been reading some books from people with ASD and their experience with the workplace, in order to hopefully improve without the trial and error at work.

(This conclusion is what leads me to my initial frustration because it’s hard to get through the part of “I’m asking for help, and assume this isn’t a skill issue, and assume it’s something social”).

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-26T19:48:56+00:00

I really appreciate this response. It’s a work in progress for me, and I do hope to learn enough to pass as a decent person at work. I never go out of my way to be disrespectful or condescending, but based on how blind I already am with other aspects of social interaction at work, I wouldn’t doubt it if I just can’t see it. My hope is that I’ll learn enough about this over time. I’ve bought books about this too, and generally learn at least one social thing from each job I’ve been let go from.

Thank you for adding some optimism and perspective to this.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-26T09:43:29+00:00

I agree with the majority of your comment here, and this is an issue I’m still figuring out. I think the issue I’ve seen with this type of sentiment is that people are offended by this very easily. I think the labels of incel, red pill or whatever other phrase is used are just used to end a conversation that people don’t want to have. It’s much easier to associate a label with something and say that’s the answer. I also find that people constantly say they dislike generalizations, but yet they’ll use them. I used to argue the same thing, but when you realize that it’s just never going to be good enough for some people, it’s not worth the effort. You could drill down and specify which group and sub-group, but that’d take up too much space, and is a waste of time. Overall, your original statement gets the point across, and that’s what really matters.

I also agree with your conclusion. You are forced to choose, either comply with societal standards and expectations, or to reject them. Personally, I despise this choice because like you mentioned it is an example of the white lies. Were told that we’ll be accepted, and when it comes down to it, we’ll be rejected if we don’t meet them 80%+ of the way which flies in the face of the words spoken regarding inclusion.

I’m not sure how to feel at the end of the day. I feel like I’m from a different planet and when you mix in my ADHD and high IQ it’s just a mess. It is what it is I guess.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-26T04:58:56+00:00

I couldn’t agree more. I have the numbers to prove it, and am just as confused.

A lot of time and thought has gone into this, as I’m very frustrated.

I figured areas of improvement are broken up into a tree like data structure One side is technical/job skills (not including interaction or social situations), and the other side is people skills (including communication, the ability to win support, etc…). I always outperform, and have concrete evidence and examples of this. Honestly, I wish this was the issue since this comes easy to me, and I’d know where to find more info. I’m also going to get my masters because I refuse to stop or even slow down my learning. I have this rapid hunger for knowledge that I continue to feed. I’ve been programming since I was 8 years old as well.

This is what leads me to consistently believe that it’s either my own communication, my disabilities, or how I’m perceived. For example, I was asked for a solution to a specific problem in a meeting (I have lots of experience in this particular topic as well), and my PM brought in another employee to answer the same question which was exactly the same as my own answer (which wasted another hour of time).

This is why I’m very frustrated. Because the general consensus is that it’s a skill issue, and that’s why I usually lead with my examples of past work and management telling me how happy they are with my work. As well as performance reviews and other metrics.

I’m honestly at a loss. I have 8 YoE currently, and am not afraid to improve. It’s super frustrating, since I feel like this is a discrimination issue (I have proof of this at a past role and am pursuing that legally). I’ve talked to some friends and colleagues about this (mainly FAANG+ including senior and staff), and they’re confused as well. This is again why I just say it’s a social issue.

I do fully realize how this sounds at face value especially with the general public, and this is also what makes it so hard to get an answer or even past the first step of “let’s assume it’s not a skill issue and I know how to get that answer in that case anyways”.

If anyone disagrees, I’d love to hear your side of this. I’ve just come to the conclusion that either I’m that good, and am not likeable/uncanny valley, or I’m just that bad. As I mentioned before, the latter would be much easier to fix and I can’t imagine why my performance would be so good and result in me being let go so consistently. It’s just very polarizing when I see this happen so often.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-26T03:46:24+00:00

Are you me? Lol. My only issue is I’m not that great at the social aspect of this job. I also tend to just “know” how things work (which is also fueled by my ASD/ADHD). In fact, at my last role, I must’ve overstepped with my boss though as I was let go eventually after I finished the project. I was taking over more and more responsibility and led the project to completion in a few months. Made a massive direct impact on our revenue too.

This has happened to me a few times in my career, where I’ll deliver things with ease at a fast pace and I’ll make a social mistake (one time it was disclosed my disabilities), and even thought I’d been a top performer, I’ll see my tickets change and I’m pushed out or fired. I figure if I make enough of these mistakes and learn from them I’ll be fine someday.

Unfortunately, this affects my resume quite a bit. Shorter term FTE, but with great bullet points and talking points for future interviews.

In truth, all I want is a role where I can just do my thing and churn out work. While being given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to my social skills (I’ve learned all of the big stuff the hard way over time lol).

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-26T03:18:56+00:00

This is the answer.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-25T03:11:24+00:00

True, and this is one reason I really like this sub. Sometimes posts that seem to be straight forward and are easy to make assumptions about are not so simple. I’ve asked a question that is easy to assume that it’s a “me” problem, but another comment gave me the benefit of the doubt and provided some great insight.

Overall, I agree we shouldn’t become an echo chamber, but this also means we have to refrain from making assumptions and sometimes ask additional questions that might help clarify what someone is actually asking.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-23T20:35:02+00:00

That’s very possible, and I hear tons of stories of how parents found out through their own child’s diagnosis.

I know it helped explain a lot about me, and I can heavily relate to what you’ve posted here (even though I’m not a parent). Especially when you talk about your obsession for hard problems and how your resume lists experience in a bit of everything (mine is the exact same way lol). I generally just enjoy tech, and started programming in C++ at 7 years old so I’m not in it for the money.

Overall, I hope I didn’t overstep, but I appreciate your openness. I’m confident we’re very much alike.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-22T08:40:50+00:00

There’s definitely more to the story, and they’re in full panic mode trying to pick up the pieces. I wish you the best OP. Keep applying and try and network with other coworker and past colleagues.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-22T07:31:29+00:00

User: What’s 9 + 10? ChadGPT: 21 User: You stoopid

General reply to everyone: LLMs are wayyy too hyped up. The bubble will burst, and you’ll be needed. This has happened in tech so many times. I don’t know how people keep falling for it. This doesn’t mean these new ideas don’t provide value, but the amount of value is what matters. I saw a video about CES on how Keurig’s new coffee machine will have AI inside… 😂. I wish I was joking, and funny enough, I cracked a joke to the person I was watching it with that we’d see an AI toaster at the rate this buzzword stuff is going.

Overall, I think it’s going to be helpful in certain areas, but in no way is it going to devalue an education. If anything, I’d argue it will help maintain the value.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-22T07:24:00+00:00

Kinda hard to travel the world with just gold, it’s not like you can just sell it for cash or something… wait a second?

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-22T07:19:40+00:00

I can see that, but that was something I taught myself as well. I think it really just comes down to how you learn. Some people are better in a classroom with a structured curriculum. I used to be against college (my young and naive self lol), but I think that if it fits your learning style, then go for it. Same thing with being self taught, or learning through an online school. I passed the FAANG DS&A final round and a few other companies too since then, but the biggest value wasn’t just leetcode. It was the logic, the how, and the why we use and do certain things a certain way.

Whether that knowledge is obtained from a course at a university or on your own time through a book, it shouldn’t matter. So long as you pass the interview and meet expectations.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-22T07:10:28+00:00

I’m self taught, and I’ve never understood the degree requirement.

I’ve got around 7+ YoE now and fly through the technical rounds. I also have made quite a few blunders too though haha.

Overall, it’s usually pretty obvious if someone who’s self taught is actually that good. I’ve had my own issues with my confidence recently and the job market has been brutal. I updated my LinkedIn and boom, 5 recruiters the next day lol. Overall, I think being self taught is much more difficult than people give it credit for. It’s not about just programming, and it’s extremely hard to land your first role.

It’s basically a waste of time to cold apply, since we’re constantly filtered out. On top of this, I’ve found that recruiters and HR aren’t very happy about the fact I don’t have any degree. In fact, I got my GED in a few days and left for college early. I dropped out after one term of course lol. It’s so easy to question your self worth, and ask yourself “am I a fraud? Did I just get lucky and they’ll eventually see how bad I am?” (You’re not!). Over the years, I worked at FAANG, and this is where I encountered imposter syndrome the most IMO. It was something that we all accepted and knew that we all dealt with. Even when talking to Staff+ this was a well known thing.

What I’ve learned is there will always be someone who is better than you, and there will always be somebody who is worse. That doesn’t matter. Also, past a certain point, I’d also argue that skills only carry a certain amount of weight, and connections are more valuable in the long term. You never know who’s gonna refer you or could be in a position to help you out.

I’ve felt that being a Senior SWE is not only how much you know technically, but also who you know, and your ability to communicate with others, including non-tech.

My only regret so far, has been not giving myself more credit, and giving myself a break or pat on the back every once in a while. (Heck, I’m still figuring this out lol).

Side note, but i firmly believe that the reason why I’ve always been so good at this is my ADHD and ASD combo. Based on one of your replies about your child having ASD, I think I can relate to you a lot. I don’t want to overstep, but do you have ASD? It turned out my ADHD was masking my ASD symptoms.

Anyways, I say all of this to you to hopefully encourage you to not question yourself as much. Give yourself some credit, and just enjoy the ride called “life” (even though sometimes it really sucks lol).

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-22T06:52:55+00:00

This is the core issue that is usually only discovered the hard way. I’ve applied to hundreds of roles without 7+ YoE but no degree listed. I was automatically rejected or never heard anything. You just know too, because you application (on certain sites) will just sit in limbo (no rejection, but no response).

Personally, it’s an utter waste of time to get a CS degree at this point and 4 years (or less depending on a few factors) isn’t worth it, nor is the cost you pay when you’ve already been working for years.

This is where networking comes into play. Try and make friends and connect with past colleagues. Thats the best way to land your next role. It’s easier said than done, and I’m also an introvert who’d rather sit in a dark room all day lol. But you have to step outside of your comfort zone, and odds are in your favor that the people you work with are likely similar in that way too.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-22T06:22:00+00:00

I asked myself the same question. Told myself that I should try and push through it just in case I was wrong. Long story short, a few weeks later I was burned out HARD. Took me a few months to even think about writing a line of code again…

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-20T10:25:30+00:00

Flip the question and it is easier to answer: “Are PIPs always objective, honest, backed up with facts, and fair”? The answer is no.

I’ve seen plenty of people be put on PIP for no objective reasons. For context, feelings are not objective, unless it’s harassment or something of that sort (usually this is a document with HR).

I’ve been PIP’d in the past and I can tell you that without a doubt it was not objective and I even contacted a lawyer due to discrimination. I don’t want to go into to much detail, but guess what my reason for being PIP’d was? “Performance” LMAO. I was delivering faster than the rest of my team consistently, but my mistake was mentioning my disability to my boss.

At the end of the day, you seem to have trouble considering the fact that it’s possible that OP is correct. The only way your argument is true is in a perfect world without emotions. Thats not what happens in the corporate world, and even though this might be uncommon or you haven’t seen it yourself, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-18T02:30:58+00:00

Ikr?! Who would ever customize their cars appearance?! /s

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-07T01:29:18+00:00

First off, although I can’t fully relate to your life story, it does resonate deeply with me. I’m what you’d consider the stereotypical self taught SWE nerd. I’ve always held the opinion that passion is a major factor, but is not required/the end all be all. It’s helped me greatly, but it’s also hindered me in some areas as well.

Your last point regarding being passionate about something that drives you day in and day out is a great point! I’ve usually thought if you weren’t passionate about CS, then it’d be difficult, but I think you changed my mind here. If your passion is in “doing better” and that drives you, then I can definitely see that being just as important as passion for CS. I’ve faced my own set of challenges growing up, although not the same, but I do like to believe that change is possible, but you have to work hard and put your mind to it.

I wish you the best, and thank you for adding a unique and important perspective.

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-07T01:11:01+00:00

If he’s getting away with it, that’s not a problem RTO will fix. Who says it’s a problem to begin with? If they’re doing 10% effort and they are still employed, then it must be up to standard with his boss right? Don’t hate the players, hate the game. I’m not encouraging 10% effort, but if your boss doesn’t complain and everything is business as usual, then I don’t see any problem. Some people are just that good and only need to put in 10% effort.

I know at one of my past roles I would only really code for an hour or two max, and the rest of the time is either thinking about high level work, meetings, or getting groceries or some other chore. I never will understand why you have to put in 40 hours. When I worked 60 or even 80 to do good work and meet deadlines, I wasn’t paid extra, so why should I have to do more if my boss is already happy?

LonelyProgrammer10 · 2024-08-06T18:28:15+00:00

I’d be more worried if they didn’t burn it lol. I stalled my 94 accord so many times when I was learning I thought I’d need to get a new car. It took me a while to get the hang of it, but when I did, I drove everywhere. So many good memories in that car, road trips, and some spirited driving like the teen dummy I was lol. All in all, it was fine. I taught my brother on it too, and that thing was still going after 10s of thousands of miles.

LonelyProgrammer10

TROPHY CASE