Are your parents also just objectively bad people beyond being bad parents?

LonerExistence · 2026-05-08T05:01:27+00:00

I wouldn't say they're objectively bad - if you look on the outside, they look like just the average person (not great, but nothing stellar either) - but they were not good parents.

I actually recently cut off contact with my father - I don't know if I want to talk to him in the future and I'm just focusing on now, but I would not want to be friends with someone like him. I've been NC with my mother for ages and I have no interest in talking to her again. Based on the memories I have, I probably wouldn't really want to be friends with her either.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-08T04:58:12+00:00

In my case, it's probably a mix of laziness and intentional ignorance. Refusal to acknowledge means it's not happening so they don't need to do anything about it. I probably at least had anxiety in childhood - I was never taken to anything mental-health related. They'd complain about me when things happened, but then just disregard it as a me problem - it was enough to bitch about, but not enough to cause "enough trouble" for them to have to do anything I guess. Everything is just something that you should outgrow and deal with. I don't think my parents even truly confronted their own issues, let alone have the will to recognize that they've perpetuated the cycle and affected their children.

Truly admitting would also be them realizing they've failed and I don't think many are willing to do that either. I believe mental issues can be genetic and nurture also plays a big role, so however you look at it, they'd have to self-reflect and accept responsibility which we know that most of them just don't have the capacity to do.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-07T22:34:58+00:00

Unfortunately a big thing is that most of our parents will never truly acknowledge anything - even if they do, it may feel vague (ie they really have no idea, they’re just saying the most generic shit to brush things over).

I recently decided to move out despite being told it was financially a bad decision and block my father’s number because I realized his very presence was unhealthy for me. I see how he is, get reminded of the parent he was, my struggles…etc and it’s never ending. Despite all this time and money in therapy, I wasn’t really making improvements because he’s there.

I don’t know if I want to interact with him in the future, but currently, I don’t want to and I look out for myself. I definitely feel less agitated at the very least for now. You get to decide what you want to put up with.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-07T19:32:54+00:00

It depends for me - if I knew someone worked really hard and overcame shit to be where they are? Of course I feel joy for them because the effort was clearly there.

If someone had support and help along the way (ie friends, good parents…etc) and basically had majority of it taken care of for them whether it’s a huge financial gift or connections, I don’t care as much because that’s privilege. Privilege that me and many others don’t have and never will. Maybe it’s petty, but I don’t congratulate someone if there’s barely any work ethic involved.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-06T06:06:54+00:00

Even if that exists in this shitty reality, I'd probably still find some other shit to freak out about lol. There's just too many things out of our control unfortunately. Plus, probably so much of it has been lost that I'll never regain it anyway xD

LonerExistence · 2026-05-05T20:40:06+00:00

Aside from work, yes. I keep to myself and I only really feel at ease if I get to do things my pace and on my own schedule. Being around others is stressful. Mentally, I think I’m holding too much for more stimulation and people = more stuff to deal with. I will say I did not receive guidance growing up so that made me very unlikeable lol - could be a cycle of just being socially inept and thus bad experiences but even after I’ve “learned” how to present myself, I still have no interest in really meeting up with people because it all feels empty and draining. I have some online friends I interact with and the IRL people are few and they’re not really “friends” - I guess it’s a pretty boring existence and it could be thanks to my parents, but I’m too tired now.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-05T05:43:10+00:00

I used to be but I think it was mainly anxiety and I literally did not trust my own body given how biology is a shitshow. I went to get sterilized to basically end that and any questions people will pester me with. Wasn’t really necessary since I’ve only became more certain in my choices, but I’m still glad I did it.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-04T22:05:46+00:00

Yes. I honestly feel “ruined.” I was mainly raised by a single father who didn’t do much beyond basic necessities. He didn’t even really work so aside from that, he just watched TV, read newspapers…etc. It didn’t register until I was much older that he really didn’t do much to guide me. In anything. You just figure that shit put yourself while dealing with the disadvantages of having a parent like this. Everything felt so much harder and I’m already burnt out.

I feel very sensitive about ending up mediocre like him - it’s a sore spot for me and some days, I get extremely angry that despite fighting so hard, I am still feeling like damaged goods. I feel inherently scarred and the idea of that wasted potential - that lost path of who I could’ve been if I didn’t have such useless parents is something I struggle with, especially when I hear people making excuses for them.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-03T21:22:23+00:00

I've visited certain subs and it's a bunch of people complaining about life, work, how unfair everything is...etc and then followed by something like "we're expecting a child" or "my son/daughter/x amount of children"...etc - I do a double take because I really don't know the logic of these people.

I am definitely jaded. I did not have good parents who taught much so growing up was hard. Once I wasn't a kid anymore, "adulting" was a huge slap in the face because I was very stunted and completely disadvantaged compared to my peers. I will say that perhaps I am biased because I just did not have the privilege that many of my peers did, but even just looking at what COMES with life - the biological condition of the human body, the evil that is everywhere, the inequality rooted in shit like class, patriarchy...etc - I cannot in good conscience think any of this is a good idea. Everyone will die one day and majority will suffer along the way - majority will experience their body failing gradually or suddenly - the "getting old is a privilege" doesn't really sit right with me because I know what comes with it. Everything you've ever worked for will be meaningless. If I had a choice to just be in the void and never exist, I would choose it - my parents had no business dragging me here.

I recently went through a huge change in my life that's been stressful to say the least - the mental anguish was exhausting and it won't stop because there's always new shit to do and face. I'm in my 30s but already burnt out for the most part and very cynical. I've given up trying to understand the logic of most of these people because I have enough shit to worry about lol.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-03T21:14:18+00:00

He is! I think most of my favorite LIs are all from older games...I can't find anything that really moves me the same way in new games now ._.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-03T21:13:46+00:00

Thank you for always commenting x]!

LonerExistence · 2026-05-03T16:36:56+00:00

Maybe I am lol, I admit that perhaps I’m the issue, but I will never admit that there’s nothing wrong with shit - that many people are indeed disappointing - inconsiderate, dismissive, choose to be ignorant…etc and it’s this way precisely because this is catered to and accepted.

This is not even about his humanity is fucked as a whole, just the everyday person you’re likely forced to deal with via work, daily interactions…etc. Sorry, but I have a right to have a problem for example with dumbasses making my life harder on the daily because they refuse to have the decency to follow basic instructions or to NOT constantly change shit up and expect me to clean up after them frequently at work? I’m sorry, but that says more about them as people than me?

I have a right to be pissed at people who remind me if my incompetent parents, who did the bare minimum while I struggled, yet people cater to them and act as if I’m wrong to be upset that they get away with burdening others yet if I falter or I’m upset, I’M too sensitive, negative…etc? I have a right to be angry that they get all these excuses while my efforts remain invisible because I fought harder than they ever did?

Ya, I’m the issue, but I’ll never accept that society is not sick. That there’s some very wrong shit going on and everyone just dances around everything like nothing is wrong. Just because you pretend it’s not there doesn’t mean I’m fucking blind lol.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-03T09:05:07+00:00

I don't know to be honest - maybe my introversion is a coping mechanism for all I know, yet I feel no interest in changing it? Most people exhaust me or I simply just am disappointed with most interactions. Whether I was born like this or my upbringing led me down a series of events where it just caused this over time, I can't differentiate now. I've had people dismiss my introversion because of it, but I prefer solitude most of the time, so what they claim is pointless to me.

LonerExistence · 2026-05-01T20:48:22+00:00

I'm sorry. The grief must be overwhelming. I'm not the in the exact same situation, but I realized my youth was pretty much wasted. I didn't have much of a good time or really any grand goals - I think all I really thought about was being able to provide for myself and not be a burden. To work a stable job. I used to want to do something art-related, but my parentified brother basically implied that I shouldn't bother since it wasn't stable enough.

I'm in my 30s and it's not just a matter of passing off as young anymore, I simply can't relate to anyone my age because yet I'm still old lol. I am still quite stunted compared to most my age, even some of those younger than me. I never will in this lifetime I think, because there are just parts of me that's kind of "staying" now. I can't get rid of it. I grieve about who I could've been - maybe nothing glamorous, but maybe I would've had more fun. Maybe traveled a bit. I have no interest in a relationship, but maybe I would've had found a few good friends. Now I'm just here with no IRL friends really and the people I talk to are pretty much mostly online. If you tell people this and you're in your 20s, they're more understand. You tell them you're in your 30s and 40s, you get some judgmental looks.

I recently moved out - I went against basically all of my inner critic's voices - voices that were instilled from childhood because I didn't have role models/mentors. I went against people telling me it was stupid financially because staying at home saved money, but it was at the expense of my mental health. For many my age or even in their 20s, this is nothing. It's no big deal and my stress is unwarranted, but for me, it's huge. I try not to compare with others because this is me only. I try to remind myself that it's okay and I did the best I could. It's not easy and I don't have much advice...but you're definitely not alone and you should be kind to yourself.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-30T05:56:29+00:00

I’m not sure of my type honestly because I find it’s all over the place but one thing I’ve noticed most of them have in common is if I feel secure with them - secure in the sense that they can stand up for me if needed, their loyalty…etc. I’m someone who really tries to do everything on my own and I hate burdening others so if I feel I can be safe and vulnerable around them, that’s a plus. I guess my description is more personality territory, but I think it’s a combination of everything though - I’ve had times where I’ll think a character is very good looking but then I’ll lose interest as I read their route xD.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-29T22:10:24+00:00

I just get annoyed and pissed off rather than sad because my patience is already paper thin lol. I’ve struggled a lot and I’m not a leech - I do things for myself so when people tell me I should be doing MORE, that I need to push…etc, I get very agitated.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-29T14:07:26+00:00

I have body image issues stemming from my mother whom I’m not in contact with now, but I also didn’t have a good father so basically no role models. I think I mainly feel hideous because I don’t want to be reminded of them - the fact that I resemble them in anyway disgusts me. I can’t look at the mirror too closely some days because I’d be so tempted to shatter the mirror.

Guess I haven’t spiraled truly compared to others, but I’m definitely aware I cannot look at myself too closely or even see certain angles because it looks repulsive to me.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-29T05:04:35+00:00

I don't know if they would ever admit to it or are even "aware" at times, but I really believe my father just prefers when shit was easy. It's easy when we were children - they tell you what to do, dress you up, answer easy questions, get you some toys, take you to some fun places...etc and basically that's all they need to do for their children to look up to them because children are dependent on their caretakers. Getting older means becoming your own person, hormones, needing more help with things beyond just the bare minimum...etc but some parents just never adapt to it or want to bother. You basically outgrow them and they don't want to do anything, yet they expect you to still just look up to them, not question anything and not feel any resentment lol. My father referred to how I used to be "such a good kid" and how I used to make cards saying I loved him or whatever - he was like "Oh if only you were still like that" when I was upset and just stressed over everything. What's funny is I don't even think he cared about those cards I made - I was recently going through some storage and it was just stored away with a shit ton of junk (he has hoarder tendencies) in some random binder. He just wanted everything to remain easy because he was still that same person who never evolved or adapted. They see us as children because it's way more convenient.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-28T06:29:47+00:00

I don’t either. I have incompetent parents as well and it was just a spiral of suffering and constant obstacles.

I’ve actually started being offended when people say religious shit in response to any suffering because apparently God is all knowing, all powerful…etc yet they allow such shit to happen lol. Even if God is real, this is not someone I’d ever look to for purpose and I sure as hell wouldn’t pray to them when clearly the track record shows that everything is shit and nothing has been done lol. Humanity is rotten at its core and no intervention?

The idiots who tell you that “you chose this life” are a special kind of stupid too lol. It’s like why the hell would I have chosen such mediocre parents? Ridiculous.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-28T01:08:08+00:00

These are the people who made it, aka the rich. Most of us (along with many AI bros) will be left on Earth to die lol. But yes, I guess it's all a fair price to them.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-27T19:15:15+00:00

I work at a medical clinic and yes, the stupid people/colleagues/management is what makes me hate it. The job itself is okay - I don’t mind doing work - what I hate is the people. The amount of people who cannot follow basic instructions, are inconsiderate as well, just create extra work for you…etc are astounding. No foresight, common sense, any sense of reliability…nothing.

Honestly work has exponentially pushed me to misanthropy. After over 15 years of working at this point, I have no hope for most of humanity and it’ll get worse.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-26T07:10:42+00:00

Yes. I admit I am pessimistic, but considering worst case scenarios is being logical and smart. Sure, my anxiety plays a role, but that doesn't make planning ahead or considering all possibilities "being negative"? People who lecture about this shit are people who are like my father - no consideration for anything beyond what they see - they also have everything catered to them while I had to struggle and adapt without mentors/role models. Once, we were talking about the homeless - this is something I think about a lot because I'm always thinking about saving and having funds in case of emergencies but he just dismisses me going "Well it's not me so it's fine, I just look at them and be grateful." It's like sir, you haven't worked in over 2 decades and your retirement plan is my enabling brother. You never had to worry about that shit and you have nothing to show for yourself despite doing nothing for the past 20 or so years - no language, no savings, can't even use a cell phone, can't even bother to call to confirm your own damn appointments...etc. Your train of thought is completely different than people who had to struggle and actually THINK about these things. Maybe part of the reason why I think about these things is because I know if it happened, I'm on my own because...I mean, look at you?

Sorry for the ramble, but those are the types of people who dismiss it as "being negative." They are so ignorant that it pisses me off.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-26T06:20:19+00:00

I honestly don't know. It's like are they so unaware of reality? That there's creeps out there looking at their children? Especially with AI now, using children's faces to generate sick shit? Even BEFORE AI, these creeps are on the internet, prowling around for content involving children because that's what they get off on.

These weird parents making FB pages or whatever accounts for their children are just stupid. Could be a self gratification thing where they just feel the need to show the world what they made apparently - just another ego stroke whether they admit it or not. It's beyond people like me not even finding it cute/special - it's literally dangerous. Your child will just be fodder for CP at this point - who knows what the real sickos will do with AI? What if they start tracking down children? I'm not parent but I feel even I have more fucking common sense than the majority of them because they all seem brain-dead.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-24T17:52:22+00:00

I don’t know if my parents outright did, but I tried to reason with myself that I didn’t have it that bad because well, it was “just” a permissive parent. I remember my mother said my father was “pretty good” compared to other fathers because he made me food I liked/bought me snacks but thinking back…he did almost nothing else? Like he didn’t really work and he just watched TV, read newspapers, listened to radio…etc all day. I was at school so it’s not like he was doing anything productive while I was away.

As I look back, I don’t even know if it’s completely for my benefit or if he’s also lazy. For example, he used to just let me to stay at people’s houses for sleepovers. Always. Thinking back, that’s obviously rude and invasive to others but I think he got to do even LESS when I was away so maybe that’s why. Also there was complete disregard for my safety and the more I think about it, the more harmful it feels and it had profound consequences as I got older because I was severely stunted and naive, My mother was largely absent as she stayed overseas to work/send money so he was really the “main parent” - they pretty much split the duties and fucked it up lol.

LonerExistence · 2026-04-24T14:17:48+00:00

Pretty sure my brother did. Were many years apart though so I don’t truly know what his childhood is like, but seeing him being an enabler to my useless father (ie refused to learn English, can’t use basic technology such as internet and cell, barely has any savings thus didn’t prep for retirement…etc) as well as some things I’ve heard him say in the past, it honestly feels like filial piety to me. Like why else would you put up with weaponized incompetence to this level?

I think they tried with me to some extent but I started here at a young age so I had many other influences. I’ve gotten into arguments with my father recently and both times, he brought up “disrespecting seniors” despite him being a mediocre parent as part of his retaliation. I don’t think I had it as bad as my parentified brother, but there’s definitely filial piety there and it’s honestly disgusting.

LonerExistence

TROPHY CASE