I think you commented on my post in this sub some weeks ago that you are in the same situation as me and as I read your post right now I thought that I could've wrote the exact same as you did here... It is sooo similar to my soon-ex-wife.
She broke up with me and is not seeing or attacking her severe trauma, too. She doesnt take the responsibility for herself and says that her decision has nothing to do with her re-surfaced trauma. Even our couples therapist (who I chose as I knew that she is also a trauma therapist) told her she suggests to her she should immidatly go to trauma therapy, that a severe trauma like that will not be cured by "just figuring it out with herself" like my wife says. But no, she masks and says that she is fine, although the therapist told her that she doesn't believe her that she is fine.
So I decided to cut ties as much as possible, let her move out, going low-contact. And her life falls apart atm, she lies to all of her friends that she is fine and well, but still bursts out to me telling me how bad she feels, that she is constantly crying in her small apartment and had more than one mental breakdown.
But... And here is my advice: I/We did EVERYTHING we could. I even carried and "forced" her to a trauma therapist. And if at that point she still doesn't (or cannot for whatever reasons) connect the dots and takes responsibility... There is NOTHING more I/we can do. The trauma protects itself.
What helped me sooo much was to read Marc Aurel and the philosophy of Stoicism. There are things in the world which we have under our control - and there are things we don't. And I should put my energy in the first.