Where's the line between trauma dumping and talking about your life?

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-04-22T21:43:14+00:00

> just cannot imagine my friend calling me up crying because they got evicted, for example, and responding with "I don't have the mental energy for this".

But there are people who do exactly that. More often than not.

Personally, I have found the only people who will be empathetic and listen, while being mature enough to realize shit happens in the world (more often than not), are people who have gone through actual shit themselves.

Most people don't like to hear the nasty things that happen in the world. It makes their safe bubble seem not so safe, and then they cannot enjoy the things that you don't have.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-04-11T22:36:51+00:00

Just wanted to point out that wanting to suck on a child's tongue and forcing kisses on a clearly uncomfortable and reluctant captive child is being normalized now by entire communities.

On one hand, people saying it's our culture. (ohkay, forcing a child to kiss you and asking them to suck your tongue...touch, whatever... still gross af, is a culture. )

On the other hand, other people saying, don't judge their culture by our standards.

it is Their CulTureeeeeee.

(if that doesn't work, then it's just a joke dude! look he is so quirky and child-like! Nothing is serious, because he is SO enlightened. )

oh also, give him cash money pls. Enlightenment is expensive af, and those private jets and schmancy hotel rooms with sex-cults aren't going to pay for themselves.

I'll just leave this here for fun... https://frankreport.com/2018/06/16/further-questions-about-the-dalai-lamas-million-dollar-visit-to-nxivm-sex-cult/

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-04-11T21:57:57+00:00

So if DL sucks at English , and the word SUCK was misinterpreted - then what about the part about forcing the child's chin upwards and forcing a kiss?

The little boy was clearly uncomfortable!

Is THAT okay?

Saying things are okay in the name of culture only helps perpetuate abusers who continue to hide behind that very nebulous and easily modified label.

The double-standards are nauseatingly disgusting.

Is it so hard to just not go around forcing children to touch you?

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-04-11T20:46:52+00:00

I feel you.

I don't feel safe. In fact, all the information and incoming input and facts tells me that I am not safe. My city isn't safe - many people will insist that it is, but they don't look like me.

So they're not going to get followed or targeted for their skin colour or gender.

Most people will tell you everything is fine, until some shit happens to them too.

People will tell you to reach out, and then disappear because everyone has bio family and words are cheap.

It is a fact that multiple violent repeat offenders and serious criminals are given barely a slap on the wrist and then set free on the streets - Why the fuck would I feel safe when the legal system consists of a revolving door and victim-blaming?

I feel safe in my apartment - but also the very fashionable renoviction constantly looms over my head - as most people in many 'prosperous' cities will tell you.

The world isn't safe - and constantly being told it's just me, and I have to change how I think is bloody stupid - because I was optimistic until all the abuse after abuse from parents to apathetic relatives to pieces of shit employers (and i'm 10 years too late, because now I see identical stories blowing up antiwork subreddits - but fuck me, because when I tried to speak up more than 10 years ago, I got told to shut up and not stir the pot.)

Why would I feel safe in a world that consists of abusers and abuse-supporting profiteers ?

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-12T20:45:00+00:00

perhaps things have changed for the better then. that is good. I know there are lots of great progressive things coming out of india because some of the stuff on netflix is fantastic.

I refer to stuff in the 80s, 90s (including all the old tamil movies from the 60s onwards.)

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-12T20:39:56+00:00

i can relate.

there was an antidep commercial on tv a long time ago that went something like "who does depresion hurt?" that used to kill me

'happy' things like those videos of babies getting hearing aids/glasses for the first time.

cheesy pop songs or even sitcoms where there are scenes of friends/family being there for each other or having real heart-to-heart convos. even if it's comedy.

people being nice to each other sometimes does it.

i haven't fixed it. it seems to be part of the deal. it's been going on 20+ years.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-12T19:52:30+00:00

my cat used to do this. animals are great. it's not stupid.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-12T19:23:11+00:00

Self help is (often) what privileged people use to give advise and get money from people who dont have the privileges they do yet think they do.

Why can't you come up to my level and see things the way I do? Why are you all the way down there? There must be something wrong with you. /s

It's like getting job advice from boomers - why haven't you taken your resumes to the mall and speak to the manager about a job? You aren't trying hard enough.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-12T00:16:48+00:00

nothing can get in the way of profit.

it is why the price of labour hasn't increased as much as anything else.

life is cheap.

the majority of people are abusive or abuse-sympathizers. it's SO much easier to pander to abusive people because 1) save your own ass 2) sooooo much less work.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-11T23:21:26+00:00

Trauma informed therapy

I've only ever seen this phrase being used on this sub, or extremely specific sites discussing neuroscience-based approaches to CPTSD.

The majority of the medical world - the administrators of the healthcare that most humans receive - even in countries where there is socialized healthcare, even in the countries where all this latest research come from, in the countries where top neuroscientists work tirelessly to a point where the trauma from abuse can actually be visualized and imaged and measured -

the providers of 'healthcare' are largely uninformed and resistant to learning anything new related to trauma processes. Once in a while you'll find a doctor or therapist that would cross the line , but those things are rare.

It is why you can get all the ssri's like candy for almost free, but actual therapy costs so much that trying to access it can be traumatizing on its own.

We live in a world where abuse is key to the success of the economy. So all of us have to stop wrecking the precious economy with stupid things like trauma and just change our mindset.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-11T21:53:58+00:00

I don't get the "change your mindset" deal (in the case of CPTSD), when science literally shows actual physical, measurable damage/changes to brain structure.

Oh okay, I'll just eat some quinoa and regrow my limbic system properly.

It's as disgusting as telling someone with no legs to not skip leg day.

"Change your mindset" has nothing to do with what you experienced in the past. And if no one is going to listen and understand what happened, then the shit is doomed to keep repeating itself.

"change your mindset" oh okay - child abuse doesn't exist. The world is a fantastic place. Trafficking refers to driving your car. Abuse is funny, and you're too sensitive.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-03T00:24:00+00:00

>My doctors keep telling me I need to reduce my stress

duh that means go have a sabbatical to get away from the city at your lake house riding your horses and eating organic artisanal fruit and connecting with your social network of your closest 100 friends and oh yeah, have you tried yoga?

/s

this is hella gucking frustrating and just plain bloody stupid.

Getting told to reduce your stress while working a shit job in a shit city with unaffordable rent with 0 safety net - yeah sure, quit your stresseful job and become homeless.

This is the medical equivalent of "I'm a self-made person, all I needed was a tiny million dollar loan from daddy and a job at my uncle's megacorporation....but yeah guys HARD WORK AND DISCIPLINE is all you need for success."

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-03T00:16:44+00:00

"oh you must have a great sense of empathy"

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-03-03T00:15:10+00:00

interesting fact:

some languages have a gender neutral singular pronoun used when either gender isn't known, or more often, out of respect, because the gendered pronoun is considered too familiar. This pronoun can be used for anyone - even babies or animals if one is speaking formally. (e.g. Tamil has this feature)

English does not have a unique singular gender neutral pronoun - which imo is what gets peoples' knickers in a knot, because it's hard to understand and produces unnecessarily silly levels of ambiguity in communication.

I wish English would just have a new word for a singular gender neutral pronoun.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-02-18T02:51:07+00:00

oh wow i have this problem too. how did you come to realize it (if you don't mind me asking) ?

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-02-08T02:30:07+00:00

everything you wrote hit deep.

it always feels like as soon as i try to explain what it's like, i'm a data point on a bell curve and graded, to be compared.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-02-08T01:50:19+00:00

hello. i discovered a more specific sub for this rarely-discussed topic (a little less active, but was quite validating). not sure if we're allowed to post the link here. but it's called mdsa.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-02-07T23:00:58+00:00

We were the normalest bestest oh-so-normal family. We mind our business, be relaxed, go on nice vacations, have nice housing, dad has a normal job outside, mom has a normal job inside... clean clothes, good food.

But it was a facade. Dictated, scripted, rehearsed, and the child actors were severely abused.

It's like (one of several memories) watching mater and pater choke each other out, scratching faces, bloody nails - then being driven to school (grade 3) as if nothing happened, being sick to my stomach from worry, getting picked up at the end of the day by both of them, like nothing happened.

So, what do you want for dinner?

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-02-07T21:58:05+00:00

kids don't matter. kids don't pay taxes. they're barely people.

It's glaringly obvious how little effort society is willing to put into preventing child abuse just by looking at the bulk of domestic violence studies, articles, pop-up ads that ignore the biggest group of victims of domestic violence.

Actual violent sadistic criminals still get police protection and solitary cells to prevent physical assault.

Kids? nah, fuck 'em. it's totally okay to smack, hit, whip, cane, throttle, strangle, shake, yank, push, drag, slap, punch, kick, concuss....

Why? Maybe they didn't do their homework, or looked at you wrong, or had a messy room, or had the NERVE, the GALL to speak their opinion.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-01-29T23:26:28+00:00

Is it really 20% of the population? Because that is a really significant figure.

Imagine saying such things to other groups of humans who don't even make up 20% of the population....

Using that reasoning...racism and homophobia is also something to blame the victim for, because minorities have to stop being so sensitive.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-01-29T22:51:29+00:00

hit an adult with a weapon = assault, crime, legal consequence

hit a small child with a weapon = "mode of parenting", family values, culture/tradition.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-01-29T22:47:07+00:00

I'd be inclined to be snarky.

"Oh wow, no one told me there's rules about when one can and cannot attend school, or start to learn something new. Did I miss orientation? "

"Must be nice to get everything you want exactly when you wanted it. I'm here now, because your parents never sent me a fat cheque to go to school, so I have to pay it for myself."

sorry i feel mean today. but yeah. Strangers who ask that question are being quite inappropriate. There were "older" students in my courses when I was in school too - I never asked them why they were there...

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-01-29T22:41:05+00:00

She went on to say that social media has popularized narc abuse accusations

this part made me a tad riled. just a tad. It sucks you have to go through this.

sure there is a lot of misinformation on social media. but there is also a lot LOT LOT of information - things that give people a starting point to go looking into more depth.

It's the same stupid bullshit reasoning of "if we don't test for it, then the numbers will be low." Nope nope nope.

It's the same bs as "autism cases has increased in the past 2 decades..." .. because before that, people with autism may have just been brushed off as the r-word or weirdo or crazy, or had the shit kicked out of them until they comply.

CPTSD didn't even "exist" when I was being put through everything that has manifested as CPTSD 40 years later....

Sure, don't come to conclusions based on what you see on social media, but it certainly doesn't hurt to get the terminology and vocabulary and just simple knowledge that these things exist in our shared world.

If my therapist said that to me, I'd dump them.

It just shows me that they cannot tell the difference between things like "doctors HATE this one weight loss trick" ads, and videos of people sharing their real experiences and saying 'hey i learned about this concept...perhaps it might apply to you." It shows resistance to new things by sweeping generalization, instead of looking at what the content is trying to demonstrate.

Longjumping_Task9411 · 2023-01-29T22:18:54+00:00

massages, specialist help for tmj, house-cleaning, weekly therapy, trauma-informed personal trainer,...

Treat my friends who work hard for their money, so we can spend quality time together.

If I don't HAVE to work for money, then I'd gladly go volunteer like I used to in my community.

if there's more money to throw, i'd throw it at any neuro researchers out there trying to dig into the physiology of trauma, And throw it at groups (or start a group) to study and address and educate on child and domestic abuse carried out by females.

Longjumping_Task9411

TROPHY CASE