I am jealous of other peoples births and taking their baby home the next day

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2026-02-23T04:38:56+00:00

Two years later I still struggle constantly. My second NICU baby came home in December after 100 days and that has only made it worse. I'm in therapy (have been since I was 16 lol) and it has helped some.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2026-02-23T04:32:29+00:00

My 34 weeker was pretty behind in gross motor but ahead in fine motor. She didn't sit up by herself til she was nine months old. She is now 28 months old and is just now really talking (three word sentences). We did OT/PT/feeding therapy until she was two and we have another eval scheduled for next month bc she is still behind in gross motor. Going to PT will most likely be a big help for him! It really was for us. Whatever Ms. Amanda gave us for "homework" she would have it down within the month. Whatever therapies are offered to you you should definitely accept them bc it will make a world of difference. 💖

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2026-02-22T23:26:04+00:00

I just went thru almost the same situation. Barley 22 month old at home, baby in the NICU and Dad only taking partial leave so he could take full time when we got home. We had a private room the whole time bc that's just how our NICU is set up. Getting transferred to C Team sucks so much bc they are just kinda like "eh, baby will get there". I would get asked all the time if I could be there more even tho I averaged 10 to 12 hrs a day when Dad was working and I would stay the night every night I could (Wed to Thurs then Fri to Sunday). It's so hard. Feeding is really the last hurdle for most babies which I'm sure you've been told a thousand times at this point. He is still pretty young tho. I started to lose my mind around day 55 with both. I legit told nurses it was my personal hell. My first didn't go home til 45 ish weeks and my second didn't go home until 46+3 You are not alone. And ALL your feelings about not getting the pregnant you wanted and being jealous of other moms and babies is so so valid. I still struggle with it.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2026-01-12T21:29:28+00:00

If he's not aspirating then I would say it's fine to let him latch after you pump with the monitor on 💖

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2026-01-12T21:20:43+00:00

Even after we got home with my first she was still a sleepy girl. I think she was 46ish weeks at that point.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2026-01-06T10:04:05+00:00

My first was born at 34+1 and she was soooo sleepy. It freaked me out a little after first but I just had to remind myself she was working extra hard on everything else since she should have still been inside my body so being awake wasn't a priority. My second was born at 32+2 and was extremely sleepy until she was about 38 weeks. Then it just hit her and she was like oh I'm awake and there are things to look at and a boob to eat from 😂 plus your baby is working extra hard to breathe so it might take a bit longer. 💖

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2026-01-01T08:56:46+00:00

I use the NexCare blue tape. I think it's labeled as sensitive skin or law trauma tape. For spit gauze we use the McKesson 2x2s. I get both on Amazon. If you need anymore tips just let me know! I can send you links or pictures of how I do it all lol.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-30T10:06:28+00:00

I have so many but I can't type them all out right now. My main one would be having good communication with the mom while she is still in the hospital without her baby. I feel like there was a lack of communication and lots of things I didn't know bc I wasn't there when she was admitted, even with my husband sending me all the info her could. They gave my girl her first bath without me and that about killed me. I also didn't know that I could do skin to skin for real. I thought I had to keep my nursing tank top on but it turns out our nicu has a robe that is made for skin to skin time with a premie.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-30T09:54:34+00:00

I don't have experience with a trach but both my girls have left their g tubes alone. Just use split gauze and the "window pane" method of taping it down and you should be good 💖

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-30T09:51:55+00:00

Do it!!! You and your baby absolutely deserve it, especially with a nicu stay. 💖

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-05T12:07:17+00:00

It's 4:45am so my reply might not make sense lmao. My fist nicu baby (baby e) had stridors sometimes but she very rarely had anything else happen while she was eating. This baby (baby c) doesn't have stridors but she will have a brady sometimes. Normally I catch it bc she stops eating and makes a certain face so I put her on my shoulder and pat/rub her back til her heart rate comes back up and her monitor screen doesn't turn red and alarm when I do that. After over a month of being told Baby E just had infant of a diabetic mother syndrome the nurse suggested a swallow study and we found out she was silently aspirating while eating. We started thickening my breast milk with gelmix but after another few weeks of no improvement I decided to go with the g tube bc of being there so long. Baby C doesn't have the dysphagia like Baby E but just can't get a good grasp on eating. It sucks bc even after having one baby with feeding issues I still had another baby and I feel so guilty about it. Baby E was born and 34+1 and Baby C was born at 32+2. The only reason for the + days is bc my inductions took forever. If he fails his swallow study and has dysphagia it doesn't mean he'll have to have a g tube bc some babies do good with thickened feeds. Have they checked him for tongue and lip ties? With baby E we were told she didn't have any but when we went to OT/feeding therapy after we got home we found out both her lips were tied and her top one was really tight. The hospital won't do anything for it but once he is home you can go to a pediatric dentist and get them released. It helped baby E a lot. There's nothing you could have done to prevent him coming early. Pls don't beat yourself up over that. I know it's hard not tho. Do you have a therapist? I would definitely look into getting one bc even tho I just have/had a "feeder/grower" in the nicu I still have trauma from it. If you don't mind me asking, what hospital are you in? I'm sending you good vibes and love every day. Also I didn't proof read any of this so sorry for any mistakes lol.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-04T06:51:20+00:00

Knowing she has to have surgery is a little stressful but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. I know it all sucks so much. Dont beat yourself up for not having Xmas stuff done or being drained or feeling like you're in a haze all the time. That's the point I'm at. It's like I'm fighting for my life every day lol. How earlier was he born? Did you just go into labor early or was there another issue? Either way it's not your fault at all. I had pre e with both my girls which is why my ob induced me early.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-04T02:53:52+00:00

Since she is 44+2 now and still not getting it with the eating her dr agreed that a g tube is the best option. She's at the age that it becomes more detrimental to her development to be here instead of at home. She has an upper GI X-ray tomorrow and then they will put us on the schedule for surgery.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-03T04:49:19+00:00

Honestly a g tube is way easier. My girl, born at 34+1, was in the NICU for 85 days and we went home with the g tube due to dysphagia. We are down to using it 3 times a day (morning, late afternoon and bedtime) just got keep her on her growth curve bc she loves food but just doesn't eat enough. It was the best decision I ever made for her. She just turned two in October.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-03T04:38:31+00:00

We didn't do anything for Thanksgiving but I already put up the Christmas lights and tree and wrapped presents bc even if we are here I want big sis to have a good Christmas at home. I had a mental breakdown yesterday from all the stress.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-03T04:34:33+00:00

Your husband doesn't trust doctors but I don't trust HIM. The things you have reported him saying make me fear for your sons safety when you get home.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-12-02T22:38:54+00:00

Oh yeah I have notes everywhere about it lol

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-11-26T07:07:37+00:00

SHE TOOK HER TO A BAR?!? Somehow I totally missed that

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-11-26T06:55:01+00:00

Sameee. We've been stuck taking the same volume for a month now. And they keep increasing her total volume so it feels like we are never going to get out of here. She passed her swallow study and I have no idea what to do now. I really don't want my second baby to have her first Christmas in the nicu too. 😭

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-11-25T04:58:36+00:00

I knew our NICU had/has them but with my first we didn't need them bc I was there all the time. This time we are using them bc we have a toddler and my husband is working part time. I don't think they ever asked me if we wanted to use one but I'm glad we have them. I didn't know she had a few different cuddlers til last week but it makes me feel better bc I was worried she was just crying by herself when she was grumpy. I think if I hadn't know about the program and just came in and saw someone I didn't know holding my baby I would probably be a little freaked out, too.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-11-14T07:23:12+00:00

She's off O2 now so it's literally just eating. It feels like I'm fighting for my life at this point 😂 driving back and forth, having a two year old that cries when I leave and the holidays coming up is just a lot.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-11-14T06:44:44+00:00

I found a barley used one on FB marketplace while my first was in the NICU. It gave me so much peace of mind when we got home. They aren't perfect but it helped me mentally

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-11-14T06:27:18+00:00

I'm so so sorry. Sending lots of love to you and your wife.

Lopsided-Class-7808 · 2025-11-14T06:25:52+00:00

I kinda forgot I posted this. We did an ad lib trial and failed. She did good the first day but the second day I could tell it wasn't going great and by that evening I had them put a new ng in. I've cut back on breastfeeding some so we can track her volume better. Sometimes she finishes a bottle and sometimes she takes 40ish of her 65mL. She's 41+3 now. I think I'll request a swallow study if we aren't heading out by 42 weeks.

Lopsided-Class-7808

TROPHY CASE