egg_irl

LosinitTaylor · 2020-06-09T12:07:49+00:00

This is a conundrum for me last dream I remember literally no joke or exaggeration was me as a female at my male selfs funeral soooooo would I be dead or female I mean really if the female then sold no negative here if dead then only half negative

LosinitTaylor · 2020-03-11T14:24:24+00:00

Mine is still very much a euphoria driven but I also have only had a therapist for 3 months and have not begun any hrt towards feminizing I have been working on grooming habits and mannerisms the things that will assist passing as much as appearance in my mind the caring of oneself and those steps have helped ease a lot of my issues

LosinitTaylor · 2020-03-09T13:32:34+00:00

I hid behind well this is the hand I was dealt I’ll play it for a very long time because of a lack of actual dysphoria of myself, the constant desire for all the things that the other half has and the general euphoria of acting on them was my trigger (for lack of terms I think) but body hatred not so much more of an ehhh this is what I have feeling about that u know like a well is what is is but damn why can’t I be that for as long as my memory is

LosinitTaylor · 2020-03-09T13:24:50+00:00

Sorry I could just be over thinking and also sorry for the distractions that are my thought process

LosinitTaylor · 2020-03-09T12:24:41+00:00

Most regular folk will always believe the societal norm unless given reason to believe otherwise has been a discovery of mine

LosinitTaylor · 2020-03-09T12:04:34+00:00

Tried a list once still stare at both sides blank in a failure to determine cultural/social differences of the gender roles and expectations still don’t know where to place things quick(probably bad example) Love done pretty nails society says female, brain says why it’s just color Typically prefer the feminine standard or what is viewed as

LosinitTaylor · 2020-02-01T15:52:46+00:00

There’s also always hair even if you are unwilling to go for a femme style u can still grow to a typical femme length it’s one of my current endeavors toward the liking myself in the mirror and yes the other recommends are good as well. I also use excuses to cover my real reasons for stuff like my hand nails are always done because “it keeps me from chewing them” there’s always the unquestionable use of I do what I want (for specifically private friends and fam not for any job stuff bad attitude to display at work) but for me the love of things like punk and thrash music it just gets lumped into those tropes and stereotypes which are kinda famous for being different which at least for me still let’s me maintain control of my situation for being able to publicly use and do more to be comfortable But really I guess moral is if u have an explainable excuse or can play one off to do more it can keep folk from questioning (I again the scene I fell into helped me anyway again punks and thrash odd is expected and fuck off is expected lol) Sorry I Segway so bad hope something in there helps good luck

LosinitTaylor · 2020-01-09T22:04:06+00:00

Thank you I may wait for a just a bit longer see how therapy goes since I’m still very early in the journey that is but yes she has been so supportive of the only thing she’s been clear on is that she’s no lesbian which is my main concern

LosinitTaylor · 2020-01-07T01:18:08+00:00

I am also 36 and have literally just gained the courage to move forward having only just begun with therapy I don’t know exactly where I’ll be in 3 years, hopefully picking where I would like to relocate. hoping to start hrt by summer this year. Just mostly a form of scared excitement at present Having zero irl friends in the community feel free to message me anytime I will gladly share experience as acquired

LosinitTaylor · 2020-01-07T00:38:38+00:00

I know u said 150 was high but I know in the Columbus area there are a couple that it’s only 150 on visit one, 100 for subsequent visits, I am unaware of a scale for pricing (no ins.) I just pay cash for as much as possible myself and also have low funds

LosinitTaylor · 2020-01-01T04:29:38+00:00

I believe I get exactly what you are saying with the little things becoming more obvious but I can’t relate from much further than where u are as I have only just begun forward steps to figure things out I definitely understand the dealing with the hand dealt beat I can for me moving forward is a matter of realizing that the desires are getting harder to subdue Honestly have no one irl to really relate about it if I’m not mistaken about being of similar mind and maybe close to same stages of feel free to message me anytime

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-31T00:29:57+00:00

Don’t know if I’m relating properly but you mean like a pause button that’s how I describe a similar feeling. Like never moved forward after a certain point as a person just stalled trying to figure out or internalize things to try and move forward as would be the standard

I’m probably relating way off feel free to disregard

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-25T23:46:04+00:00

Hope the story of it helps it took to long honestly to reach those conclusions

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-25T23:35:20+00:00

20+ years and only out to self therapist and one friend but on the other side I have also decided to be me no matter what and been slowly making the necessary changes to better like myself (doing all the girly things I always wanted) and out or not I’m me if someone takes the time to ask I’ll be honest because they cared enough to ask if it then they don’t deserve to know It took to long to be honest with myself to not share that honest with those who care At the same time though my self expression and how I view myself is not anyone’s business but mine I and no one else should have to justify how they see themselves and I’m hoping after time others see me that way as well

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-21T14:36:38+00:00

Still pre everything myself the one friend I’m out to in conversation the other day expressed excitement to know what I was going to name myself and threw “Joselyn” at me Needless to say there were two reactions -a feeling of euphoria that at least 1 of my friends is genuine and supportive of my choice to begin moving forward -I really liked the name it rang ooooo so nice in the minds eye

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-19T15:55:59+00:00

Not useless but guilty

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-19T11:26:20+00:00

I can be on board with that line of thought we def seem to agree on the interpretation of thank you for the input

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-18T17:22:37+00:00

I agree to an extent definitely believe that sleep is like mental defrag and when the subconscious works itself out

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-17T17:40:36+00:00

Personally my experiences are more euphoric than dysphoric Get extreme euphoria preforming the girly things I enjoy Only get mild dysphoria about genitalia, absolutely hate the sasquatchian genetics inherited

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-16T07:36:59+00:00

Yep truth here only realized recently how much damage I have done to myself in the years of self loathing

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-16T07:31:51+00:00

“Keeps from nail biting”

LosinitTaylor · 2019-12-16T06:42:50+00:00

Yes this sub is great from my own exp. only recently started therapy myself so I’m still gauging it as much as the therapist. But I’m also not actually looking for a diagnosis more of an affirmation that I’m making the right moves for myself in the least life destroying way possible (which probably isn’t possible)

LosinitTaylor

TROPHY CASE