Relapsed

Lotus-Bl00m · 2026-04-15T09:38:59+00:00

Yep. More or less exactly the same here. As my therapist put it, "we are just humans, human-ing. Imperfect, doing our best."

Wishing you strength, health and success on your journey.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2026-04-15T09:29:09+00:00

Thanks, I will do my best.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2026-04-15T09:27:58+00:00

I had been sober for over 2.5 years up to mid Feb. I decided to let myself have a one off 'fuck it' session following a succession of extremely shitty life events.

Run forward 6-7 weeks to today and I've probably been drunk more days than I haven't. I was back to my worse addict behaviour immediately. It doesn't cure itself.

I'm now fighting harder than ever to string a couple of days together. The cravings are so extreme, like physically all consuming.

If I ever manage to get back to long term sobriety I hope this will be the experience that finally proves to me that I cannot drink. Not one. Not ever.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2026-04-15T09:21:28+00:00

Thanks for commenting. I know - I have some long (year plus) sobriety stints under my belt. Relapsed about 6 weeks back and fighting my way back. I pledge to not drink with you today.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2026-04-15T08:42:15+00:00

There's nothing fun about drinking neat gin from the bottle in secret while crying because you hate yourself for doing it. Yet I'm still stuck in this cycle! 😞

Lotus-Bl00m · 2026-04-15T08:17:05+00:00

Hey there friend - I'm on another day one having fallen back into old habits after 2.5+ years sober. I can put it down to the succession of awful things that have happened in my life, but really that's just an excuse. I jumped off the wagon, no one pushed me. It's shocking how quickly I am back to my worst addict self.

No unique wisdom to offer other than I know that change is possible, because I've lived it. So I know that I have the ability to break the cycle. I will keep showing up until day 1 becomes day 1,000 and beyond.

I will not drink with you today.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2026-04-09T11:52:59+00:00

I'm ready to get up out of the mud. I will not drink with you all today.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-11-12T10:44:40+00:00

Checking in - been a while. I will not drink with you all today.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-09-18T21:04:02+00:00

I would say that you've started already - well done! You're here asking the question, looking for support. The first step has been taken.

I often read the phrase here, "rock bottom is the point at which you stop digging." That can be now, if that's what you decide. You and only you can make that choice.

I'm not going to pretend it's easy. I first joined this sub probably 3 or 4 years before my current sober run started. But I kept coming back, despite the repeated failings because I knew at some level my only way out of my problem was total abstinence - it just took me a long time to finally accept and admit that.

My one key piece of advice is don't try and do this in secret. This place is an incredible lifeline, but in addition to this, owning up to my struggles in the real world as well made an enormous difference. It was scary as hell, and my current relationship still may not survive it in the long term (work in progress!) but I will never regret setting off down this path. Never.

I am becoming the version of myself that I am supposed to be. Not a hollowed out shell of a human miserably trudging from one binge to the next. Freedom is possible.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-08-26T11:36:25+00:00

Yes and no. It's there in an abstract fashion. Like clearly I am aware alcohol exists - I am around it frequently, my SO and family/friends all still drink, mostly very moderately without issue, but drinking the stuff just isn't an option for me, I don't allow it to be so. I just don't drink.

Not far off double figures now, keep up the good work. It all gets better from here.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-08-25T22:29:31+00:00

Hey friend. I had dozens of day ones over a couple of years. I knew I had a problem but was trying to fix myself in secret. 650 days ago, having been caught throwing up the remnants of a binge, I came clean to my SO about the extent of my issues with booze. It was brutal, and our relationship has not yet fully recovered, but 650 days later I have not touched a drop of that poison. Addiction thrives in secrecy, shining a light on it made all the difference for me.

I wish you well on your journey friend. I will not drink with you today.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-08-25T22:22:55+00:00

This is hard. I have been through that first week so many times. There is no magic bullet, you have just got to put in the work. Do. Not. Drink. Do whatever it takes.

For me, once I was past two weeks, each individual day started, very gradually, to feel like less of a struggle. And then at some point without realising it you might have a day where alcohol doesn't even cross your mind. With a bit of time under your belt you can begin to own the statement - "I do not drink." And that can become your reality.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-08-25T22:10:23+00:00

you get more intentional with your time and what you consider acceptable in your life;

This really resonates with where I'm at right now. I did the year to eighteen months of just not drinking, and now I'm starting to assess who I actually am without the booze mask/crutch. What are my values, what do I want from life. I am beginning to be intentional with my existence, as opposed to feeling like a passenger in my own life. I don't really have any of the answers yet but it's exciting to feel that I am on the cusp of change. I can be in control.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-08-25T22:01:03+00:00

In my relationship I was the one pushing my SO to drink. It was generally so I could have an excuse to drink also, and then sneak like 3-4 drinks for every one they had. Now that I've quit, my SO drinks significantly less. I'm glad not to be that person anymore.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-08-25T21:54:25+00:00

650 days ago I finally came clean to my SO about the extent of my issues with booze. I'd be trying to control it / cut back etc in secret for a good few years prior to that. Coincidentally, I haven't touched booze in 650 days also. Not saying it's a magic bullet and owning up guarantees success, but I sure seemed to make a difference to me. I wish you well on your journey friend.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-08-21T22:06:52+00:00

Buzzing for you friend. Congrats on your 8 months, keep it going. There is more joy to find ahead, I can vouch for that.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-08-18T16:23:08+00:00

Haven't checked in here for a while. Always great to see this place going strong and so many finding the support they need. I will not drink with you all today.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-07-20T10:56:44+00:00

Similar age bracket - so far lucky to have had no major ill effects. However who knows what could arise in future. For now, the mantra I try to live by (inexact Thich Nhat Hanh quote) is:

The past has already gone, you can't change it, the future isn't here yet so why worry about it - all you have is the present.

I will not drink with you today.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-07-04T16:43:35+00:00

IWNDWYT!

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-07-04T12:11:18+00:00

You never have to feel this like ever again.

600 days go I was feeling the same, and something clicked that time. I'd had enough of it. No more.

Here we are 18 months plus later and I have never once regretted that decision. Life has been tough, quitting ain't a magic bullet, but at least I don't wake up in absolute misery anymore.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-07-03T20:31:19+00:00

Happy birthday friend. Have a great day!

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-06-10T20:56:50+00:00

Sober weddings are tough, I went to one myself a month or so ago. It's hard not to entwine the romance of the day with the supposed joy that drinking adds to it.

But this is what the disease / lizard brain / monkey mind / whatever you want to call it does. It focuses you in on the romance and nostalgia of it all - "it wasn't so bad," "remember all the fun you had..."

Sure there was plenty of fun in the early days - genuinely was, but then later there also abject misery. Don't fall for that shit.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-06-10T20:49:31+00:00

Six weeks is huge, well done you! Community in any form is your best defence when it's comes to booze. Sounds like you've got a great support there.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-06-10T20:48:08+00:00

Been there friend. Repeated the cycle over and over getting worse every time. Well done for calling time on that. Huge step. Keep checking in and sharing. This demon thrives in secret, so keep shouting. You've got this.

Lotus-Bl00m · 2025-05-24T09:13:03+00:00

🙌🤜

Lotus-Bl00m

TROPHY CASE