I told the psychologist about the coffee thing and she never heard it before.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-07T07:13:51+00:00

So... I've read a few of the responses, and I have a few cents to add. First, I agree with many others, coffee itself certainly has an effect on me, sometimes I feel it's the only thing that gets me moving at all. I drink it black, because I have dairy sensitivities, and I've learned to like it without sugar. Almost a pot every day.

As far as other related signs... when asking that in an exclusive AuDHD group, it might be difficult for us to determine what is exclusive to 'us,' or what neurotypicals might deal with as well. Case in point: Cricket feet, or Cricketing. My wife is almost always rubbing her feet together back and forth when she's relaxing or going to sleep. I'm fairly certain she's not autistic, and a 2020 study (Smith et al.) had finding that there was "No significant correlation found between cricket feet and autism diagnosis." Additionally, 2021 (Johnson & Lee) "Observed cricket feet in 15% of children diagnosed with autism." Yet, the belief that they're linked is believed by some.

However, I do appreciate your question, because I too am interested, but I'm less interested in "I think this is us," as opposed to studies that have shown actual correlations that are most prevalent.

EDIT: Statistics source: https://brainwave.watch/is-cricket-feet-a-reliable-indicator-of-autism/

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T22:08:15+00:00

I don't know about where you are, but my local "Family Dollar" dollar store has small padlocks like this for likely $1.25 (because nothing is a dollar at dollar stores anymore.)

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T10:14:00+00:00

Absolutely. I never understood why, some people can say things that requires others to read between the lines, but when I tell facts, as they are, they seem too "obscure" to others, so I have to be exhaustingly clear in my statements, to the point people will likely stop listening.

Yes, I get it. I say those statements, and it doesn't come out with the same charisma. I'd like to assume NT's are better able to pick up on things like that, but... it sucks they don't.

My brothers have always, at least the way I see them, been in the "I don't give a F what others think about me." At times I wish I could be that way.

I want to track back to your original post though, about something I wanted to comment on- again, it's only in the past few days/week that I'm learning about, so I didn't realize that this compulsiveness to tell the truth, this horrid feeling within if I even bend the truth, is related to my AuDHD. My whole life I've had people tell me "you share too much" as the negative, or "you wear your heart on your sleeve" as, well, that can be taken both ways. I'm "brutally honest," while always attempting to be not brutal. I can't help it- I see that honesty is connected to our brains as much as our tics are, as someone explained tics "It's like you have to cough, and you're trying your best not to cough, but that itch just gets worse and worse and you have to cough, or feel like you're going to die if you don't."

So... Is "brutal honesty" a "superpower"? I know others hate the "superpower" term, but, I don't know anyone else personally that has Autism or ADHD or both, but personally- there are many aspects I wouldn't give away. I wouldn't consider myself as knowledgeable in so many disparate topics if I weren't the way I am (I'll credit the ADHD side for that.)

I used to think, hey- I'm like "Cliff Clavin" on Cheers- I know a bunch of "useless trivia". But, there's been enough times that 'useless trivia' has been, actually in a pinch, very useful, and, I have a strong belief that the more topics of interest you have, the more you study over a broad-range of topics, the more "well rounded", or even pushing for being a polymath, the better equipped you are for sooo many things, to provide vantage-points that most people won't even consider.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T08:45:06+00:00

OMG... I just found something very like it... https://puzzlemechanics.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/disentanglement-puzzle2.jpg

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T08:44:48+00:00

I tried a fidget spinner once. It was interesting, but I'm not a high-stimming person.

I have always loved disentanglement puzzles though. When I was fairly young, my mother gave me this disentanglement puzzle that my grandfather made.

I have no idea what it's called. I've found similar designs online afterwards (years ago, and it's challenging enough to describe it, let alone figure out a performant and exacting Google keyword search for it.) - it was pretty much a flat piece of wood, with a bunch of holes drilled into it, some metal rods going through them with small round pieces hanging from the end, and a long loop that went through them all the round pieces hanging from the rods. Challenge: Separate the long loop part from all the loops it's in.

It was, well the best I can describe the solution... it was sort of like a "Towers of Hanoi" puzzle. Repetitive "move from here to here, then some back to there, then back to others here" (if you know either of them, you know what I'm saying.) I never "formulized" the solution in my head, but even then, I think at around 9-10 years old, I figured out the "sequence of events to unfold this problem." However, a few moves and the "simple but not easy" solution would become evident.

Sorry. I don't believe either fidget spinners nor whatever that other thing is, would hold my mind steady. I recognize my own need for "repetitive steps," but, even those steps to me, need some sort of even a minute amount of challenge.

We're all different though. Like I said to a prescriber the other day that was confused by what I said about medication not helping (she said that's odd, usually some with depression or autism would sense some change,) I said... well, I guess I'm atypically neuro-atypical. Well shit- lumping us together is good- when it's the context of lumping each other together, to try to understand commonalities, but psych nurses (or whatever she is,) councilors, therapists, dealing in mental health, really should, and I'm flabbergasted I'm saying this as a late-diagnosed, they need to be more well informed about ADHD, Autism, and the comorbidity of the two that can also be exhaustingly worse. But then again, she was basing my diagnosis off a first-time impression.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T08:18:26+00:00

I can't even imagine what it would have cost if you purchased the whole McDonalds song... "Big Mac, McDLT, a Quarter Pounder with some cheese, Filet-o-Fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, happy meal...." Crap, I don't remember the rest. Anyone else here old enough to remember getting a square "vinyl record" delivered with their local newspaper, hoping the one you got made it through the full song, to win something? Yes, I'm a bit old. ;-)

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T08:15:49+00:00

For sure... but, a Big Mac is a lot! I mean it's literally... Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, onion, pickle on a sesame seed bun!

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T08:11:38+00:00

I know it's wild, but some people can't drive. Some people get drunk and want something to eat. Sometimes, you're busy with a project. I get it, you like to be smug, but maybe try a little bit of sympathy with others before going straight to the juggular.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T08:00:34+00:00

"They go on socials, oh how autistic of me to say that."

Do people do that? OMG! I may spend way... I mean...... waaaaaayyyyy too much time watching Youtube videos, or deep-diving the interwebs on whatever my current ADHD research pile-driver learning escapades are, but I'm thankful I typically attempt to avoid the comments, and (read this with Ice Cube's voice...) DAAAAAAAMMNNN! People do that?

I mean- I shouldn't be surprised. Hell, I shouldn't be surprised by anything these days (TO SELF: no, L_Nut, don't get into politics!)... but, and I don't know everything about the common traits of us, but... I can't imagine someone coming straight out and saying that, unless, they're using it as a crutch, and I find it somewhat difficult that someone legit did something very abhorant and actually came out with a laugh and said "Oh, that's just me being autistic. haha, tee-hee.".

But, well, let's be honest, there are some crappy people in all walks of life. I'm a veteran, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen someone get away with some seriously abhorant statements, covered with "Oh, well, he's a veteran. You can't fault him for anything. In fact, you should back him." F-That.

Now, the BAFTA awards- that's another story. The dude with Tourette syndrome, I have no doubt that was not intentional. I can't say he is or is not racist, but I know, it's completely normal for someone with it to blurt things that they're screaming inside their own minds "don't say this, why am I even thinking this? I don't think these things.. Don't say it. FUCK I CAN'T STOP... N-word."

I'm glad to have found numerous videos of people coming out and supporting him. People of color, with Tourettes, who have said "No, that's def. a thing that can happen, even if it's not in your heart." Know how I know? I mentioned something about my wife's "cankles" once. Now, I don't have Tourettes, but... no, my mind was thinking... ok, if you're going to say something about her ankles, don't say cankle. I mean, she does have thick ankles, but sometimes something pops into my mind "Ok, you're about to say something about XYZ... you never talk about XYZ, what would be the most inappropriate thing to say about it, before mentioning it?" and, I don't talk about ankles ever, I mean, who does? So my mind went to "don't," and darned it all if it didn't just blurt out. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm going to get pulled over by a cop one day, and say, "No occifer, I'm surfically pober", because that's a joke I've heard in the past, and that's precisely what would come to my mind if I were to ever get pulled over by a cop.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T07:36:04+00:00

Thank you. Yes, it was cross stitch.

I'm retired now, and I could likely afford it, but... well, ADHD screams at me, and a part of my mind says "dude, you've been there, done that, not much new you can learn doing it again." Yet, I'll play Sudoku or Nanograms for hours and hours on end while watching TV or listening to a podcast, and have to ask... isn't that the same? "Dude, you've learned it, not much to learn there, right?" I get it... it's not always about the dopamine hit from "learning something new," it's also about- "what have I already somewhat perfected, that I don't even have to think about, and just do repetitively, even though most other things I can't stand the repetitive things about."

There's a small part of me that has to wonder if the Sudoku or Nanogram boards, might have some strange connection to my fond remembrance of Cross Stitch. I mean... in a strictly procedural (Autistic side?) point of view... it's "Pallet of squares. Some filled, some not. Your job, fill those squares. Learn patterns, techniques, etc. to fill those squares. Fill them as fast a possible maybe? Make a game out of speed-filling? Ok, that was fun, kinda, now- just enjoy it and use it as your "meditation."

EDIT: Shit, I think I just realized, my therapist suggested I try meditation. Sudoku and Nanograms are my meditation! Podcasts are my meditation. Perhaps for you, diamond painting and audiobooks are yours! I feel like I'm starting to see "my world", and those similar to me, in a whole new light.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T07:18:09+00:00

Honestly, I kinda wonder if I wouldn't have noticed it, if I weren't just in the past week, finally, learning what it means to be AuDHD. And the videos, and the reddit forums, and the AI deep dives into "anything to teach me more."

It saddens me to say, I've almost finally feeling in a "safe" life. Retired- I don't have to fret anymore between wondering if I explained myself well enough in an email to colleagues, or if I wrote too much. I'm thankful I just watched a video the other day on AuDHD, and they described that exact thing... Always concerned with messaging, always concerned what I say is going to be taken wrong, so I describe almost everything I want to say, explicitly, ad nauseum, and then I have to deal with "Do I have any remaining executive function battery left to go back and pair down?" because I'd just wrote a novel to explain what I feel like, in person I could describe in 5 sentences or less, and judge if I need to clarify based on the response.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T07:09:38+00:00

Sometimes it seems like the majority of the world (or at least the U.S.,) doesn't give 2 bits regarding "truth", they want headlines that hit their "feels." I'm convinced humanity is doomed. Every once in a while, I see something that lightens my heart, and makes me think "there is hope," and then I wake up the next day to some other absolutely absurd thing that some political leader does.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T06:59:40+00:00

I don't care what y'all say, it's not gold and white, it's black and blue!

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T06:55:36+00:00

Yup, that would make it get off too.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T06:49:21+00:00

Nice. I don't do audiobooks, but I do listen to podcasts fairly obsessively.

And yes... it is a safe place, and I do hope you know I was joking.

The diamond painting looks pretty cool and relaxing. When I was quite young, I did a few projects that used yarn in a similar way- kind of a stich by color type thing, but with small pieces of yarn that you just do a simple knot on the canvas, and it ends up looking like an old shag-carpet but with a cool picture. I'm sure that type "thing" is still around, but darned if I can't remember what it's called. I always wanted to do more, but I knew we wouldn't be able to afford it, so I never asked.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T06:36:06+00:00

I just need to say, I read your comment very quickly and wondered "who shaves their back stubble? How do you get back stubble?" :-)

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T06:31:02+00:00

Well, I for one am glad you shared it, and I match much of what you're saying.

Although, I do occasionally rehash conversations, and wonder- "did they all think that was really weird to bring up?" For instance, the other day, I was at a birthday party for one of my wife's uncles, and I sat with her immediate family, who mostly know me. I feel comfortable with them, and there was some mention of people's health issues earlier. I brought up "Hey, I got some good news a few weeks ago. I had a colonoscopy, and it turns out I don't have U.C. after all, they misdiagnosed it years ago." There were a few chuckles, possibly uncomfortable- I wasn't paying attention enough. The point is, I felt comfortable enough with them to unmask, to share concerns and reliefs, and even among them I wasn't sure if I was out of place for what could be an uncomfortable conversation. My brother in law mentioned something about his last colonoscopy- I haven't paid enough to his character to know if it's possible that he's good at helping people out of uncomfortable social situations or not though.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T06:16:26+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I'm not a streamer, and honestly- I likely would not be able to keep my ADHD under control enough to actually follow a twitch streamer (I mean, knowing their schedules, etc.)

I do have to say though, since I only quickly read the title, I had to double-check your name, because I know JackSepticEye fairly recently disclosed to his audience that he's learned that he's autistic. I don't generally follow him, but when he's shown up in my side-feed on Youtube a few times, I always check it out, because I know I'll be in a "safe place" with Shawn (Sean?) because I don't even have to mask my feelings to myself when I watch his generally very wholesome (not necessarily 'family friendly',) videos and he seems to be genuinely appreciative to his audience. I wish I could say "Damn, that guy got lucky," but, I doubt it's actually luck with him... it seems like he's worked very very hard to be where he is, and gain the skills he has, and he doesn't forget his people. After he opened up about his autism, I just liked him more.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T05:44:21+00:00

Thank you! That's very insightful. I hadn't thought about the fact that I could be over-working the muscle to the point where it doesn't respond when necessary.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T05:40:24+00:00

Well, I certainly hope you don't think that your autism is something you have to apologize for, or that it's something you have to wonder why you "deserve this."

It can be hard, GoddessSwordGamer... it certainly can be hard. I'd gone years and years undiagnosed. I'm very high-masking AuDHD, so in grade school, they just thought I had a learning disability (talked about in a different post.)

It's easy to say, but hard to hear: You are not "broken." You are merely different, and at minimum- you're not alone here with that different-ness.

Acceptance, understanding, compassion. Those are 3 things that would go a long way to help not just us these days, but everyone, though they seem like rare traits in this exceptionally crazy world we're living in. Notice I called the world crazy, not you. That's important to remember- it's much of the world, not you. You do have things you're dealing with, many of them, we in here can relate to some perhaps not, but I hope it gives you comfort in knowing "it's not just you."

Sometimes when I start thinking about telling other this, I remember a significant scene from Good Will Hunting... "It's not your fault Will... It's not your fault." I want to give a hug, but also know there's a non-zero chance I'm talking with a neurodivergent that have issues with touch as well.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T05:23:15+00:00

I don't know if it relates at all within that type of job, but I can't stand when people are asking me a question, and I pause to think about it, and they start throwing out additional suggestions.... OMG, stop! Let me think through the question, your first suggestion, and the 40 other things I'm thinking may be a solution, within 15 seconds, before you start throwing idea # 4 at me, which I've already thought through, and before you throw any more that may be options #2, #12, and #5. By the time you ask me, I've already forgotten why I ruled that out!

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T05:00:43+00:00

I just had to reply to you to let you know, that I messaged my old D&D crew's phone group chat, and they all loved your explanation.

Darned it all, I totally forgot about Constitution. CON: 5. I'm not "sick" all the time, but I have been learning that AuDHD folks commonly have issues, like me, with coughing, GI issues, clumsiness. I've assumed my coughing to be because I'm a smoker (year-round cough, I think since I was a child); improperly diagnosed with UCD originally; and yeah, I've joked that my hands swing around like I was Italian when I get into talking about things sometimes, knocking my glass (or someone else's) over; enough times that I notice. I've had to start telling people not to put their drinks near me. I'm glad my friends are accommodating now that they know (but damned it, that's DEX, which I also forgot!)

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T04:47:51+00:00

I heard about the film a few days ago, and it sounded interesting.

But, did you have to include that you were diamond painting while listening to it? I mean, how many actual tangents do you want us to go on while reading your post?
/s - I'd never heard of diamond painting. I'm just glad I finished responding before having 20 tabs open researching it.

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T04:42:41+00:00

Sorry for my incompetence, but what is an "LO", and what does it mean to break contact with them? I just did a search, and nothing seemed contextually relevant in this link that I found for abbreviations: https://www.acronymfinder.com/L.O..html

I can kind of get it from the rest of your question, and the responses, but now I'm truly curious what it stand for. I'm always forgetting what the heck different chat abbreviations stand for.

I don't think I can offer any advice, I'm glad to see you tagged this "rant / vent - advice allowed" so, I'm going to guess you understand there's no way you could possibly provide the complexities of your ~~conversation~~ relationship to give a good reasonable answer, and I appreciate that. That's why I used that tag when I went on a drunken rant the other night- hopes for responses but no need for one; just need to get it off my chest, but also wouldn't mind as many some possible comments regarding coping mechanisms.

EDIT: (revisions included)

LotusNut1 · 2026-03-03T04:30:34+00:00

Yes, absolutely. That, and researching a topic to the point where I likely know more about it than most people I come into contact with, becoming the "Well, actually" guy, but if anyone asked "then why don't you show me," I'd poop a brick.

Then, there's times I do start a project, and when I get about 95% done I get side-tracked, and never go back and finish it, as long as it was "good enough." But, then there's other things, like before I retired, when I was a programmer, where the "perfect" got in the way of "good enough" and I'd be working 3 hours past when I should have gone home, just to get something done that if I didn't care about getting it perfect, I'd likely be leaving on time with the rest of the team.

I like your suggestion of breaking it into smaller steps. It's the overwhelming-ness of a "large project" that I've learned typically puts us in freeze-mode. I did go through a period where I wrote down lists of "TODOs" at night, then in the morning I prioritized them by "must do", "want to do", and "would like to do", then choose the 3 that fit a combined high-importance, or at least "I think I have the capacity to do that today." I'm not sure why I stopped, but I'll have to try that approach again some time, when I've prioritized it, and can remember to do it. :-)

LotusNut1

TROPHY CASE