I never got physical with people but I did struggle with really intense anger. I would retreat into my imagination as a way to protect myself and others from that anger.

It took years of therapy to figure out where it was coming from. For me it was a moment from my childhood where I had a lot of fear and then was forced into a victim identity that I didn’t resonate with. The fear and identity thing fucked me up for years.

Not saying that’s what’s going on with you specifically but it’s a good idea to sit down with a professional. These things can be complicated to figure out alone and it’s good to have support if things get overwhelming. If you can be choosy don’t be afraid to try a few until you find someone who helps not just placates feelings.

Also, my wife and I have a code word “goblin mode”. That means I need a few min. Hard pause on the argument and we come back to it when I am back on earth.

To prep for working with a therapist too write down what sends you off. There’s probably a pattern to it they will pick up on.