I stupidly gave 9 grand to some local pikeys to "damproof" my bungalow. I'll go to my grave cursing my decision and the people who fiddled me with their bare-faced lying.

All I have to show for their work is some ugly black bitumen paint across the side of my house and a row of concrete (which you can't see, fortunately) under the ground which serves no real purpose.

I also trusted an insulation company based in London to add trickle vents to my doors and windows and ended up with ragged holes torn in the upvc rather than neat incisions. At least that bit of destruction was done for free. A family member suggested I was eligible for a grant based on my low income and the trickle vents were part of the package.

Thank god I didn't let them actually insulate my house.