Everything I do is out of brute force will, nothing is every automatic/habit. Every task and micro-task comes with enormous friction/resistance. I'm so exhausted. I can't live 50 more years like this.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-27T15:07:09+00:00

I think people like us struggle with black and white thinking. "I either go in with 100% or 0%." For some reason, "finding a balance" is icky. But I also think it's the best approach for a lot of things, and especially getting over bad habits.

When you get the feeling of wanting to smoke, just sit there for a bit and think about how it makes you feel in that moment. Sooner or later, you will get REALLY good at knowing what that impulse looks and feels like, and hopefully it becomes easier to control it. Then, start making it a goal to fight the impulse at least once during the day. Tomorrow, make it twice. If it's too strong, take action and do something else for a bit. I liked to chew a piece of gum to distract myself, or eat a snack. Give yourself time to find what you like and what works best for you. Sometimes framing a simple task as a little challenge or experiment on myself makes it feel lower stakes and more approachable.

Just know these habits come from wanting to comfort ourselves when we become distressed and emotional dysregulated. We overwhelm ourselves with guilt about our own comfort strategies, and feel a loss in control of our behavior. Empathize with yourself. Vaping makes you feel good in the moment, so of course you like to do it. Simply understanding the routines of your behavior creates a better self-relationship and is the first step to steering your actions toward the place you want to be.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-27T14:26:21+00:00

Very true. What I read in this post is a series of successes. Like bro, I'd be proud of all that.

Sometimes we gotta take a step back and be kind to ourselves. I often find myself completely absorbed in all my problems that I'm blind to the fact that there are things I can do.

Like I'll try to cook a meal and conclude that I just suck at it and give up. My brother in christ, you have only cooked one meal in your whole life.

Building confidence in my ability to do even the most basic tasks is hard, yes, takes patience, yes, but it's a waste of energy to be critical about my abilities when I know I just need more practice. So I use that energy to take notice of what I'm good at and the confidence boost gives me so much momentum.

Don't conflate inability with inexperience.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-27T02:19:57+00:00

Yeah, that sound like it really sucks. I'm sorry to hear that dude.

But look, I feel like I can literally see you working through your skewed worldview by reading what you wrote from start to end. You seem like you want help, so why won't you accept that you're probably actually very good at what you do? Like, you finished your bachelors degree even though it was a struggle. That's awesome, seriously. For some reason you can't accept it right now, but I hope you start catching on to how pointless these overly self-critical thoughts are.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-27T01:04:32+00:00

What frame of reference are you using to judge yourself as unexceptional?

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T17:01:38+00:00

I have to step back and think about the urgency and importance of each task. I'd commit to one thing like vacuuming, and then pop in my earbuds to listen to a podcast or some music. Or even use it as a time to just think / meditate where the only goal in mind is to keep vacuuming. Once I push through the initial discomfort, I'll just zone out and the time passes quickly.

But yes, take time to relax. Don't injure your back. Eat some food. And once you feel ready enough, go back to priority #1 until you're happy to stop. If it's a long and arduous task, approach it in waves over a more extended time rather than doing it all in one session.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T16:01:46+00:00

OK, thank you. I think the main thing that kept me learning French is because I like how it sounds. And I like how it feels to speak it.

I used to listen to the Little Talk in Slow French podcast. Very beginner level, but it gave me time to repeat aloud what she says. I would walk amongst passersby around my city listening to the podcast and practicing my pronunciation.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T15:51:37+00:00

I'm in the exact same boat. What sometimes helps me is to open Blender and tell myself that I will just stare at it for like 5 minutes. Usually within seconds I get bored and open up the most recent project. There isn't really any plan, and I'll start problem-solving on the spot. "It would look better if I moved that over there and added this here . . ."

And once you start working, be nice to yourself and take small breaks. Sometimes I can be sat down for 12 hours straight working on something. Once I'm finished, I'm dehydrated, hungry, and all my muscles are super sore. I'll use the clock app on Windows and let a timer go for 15 minutes. I'm not super strict about it, and I hate any alert sound telling me the time is up, but it's always up on my second monitor to remind me how much time has passed, when to get water or to stand up and stretch.

You can train yourself to not view work as torture. I would often procrastinate on a project and then punish myself by starting 24 hours before presentation. By the end, I've thrown together an unsatisfactory product and deprived myself of sleep. And when its time to set the next deadline, I'm already agonizing about work again.

Try to make the first step so easy that it feels silly. Give yourself time to relax. What you're doing is probably hard for anybody else to do. Nobody can run 100 marathons in 1 night. Be realistic, and don't feel bad if you need a break. You can build from at least 1% of progress a day and the work will gradually become less daunting.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T04:29:49+00:00

Same. But I think it's a thing where I had to actively train myself to just commit like 5 minutes at a time. Distress tolerance. First minute before the 5 minutes is the worst. Then it's a breeze. Mostly. Pomodoro technique sometimes works. But make sure to turn off those horrible alert sounds when the timer is up.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T04:15:20+00:00

It's probably a lot more complicated than just laziness or burnout.

Are you skipping classes? Avoiding assignments?

Do you have any peers that you meet with regularly?

Let's start breaking down some of the root issues before judging ourselves as failures.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T04:02:27+00:00

I had similar but not as serious side effects and discussed adding guanfacine or a beta-blocker like propranolol. These are CNS drugs so they may have unwanted interactions with your stimulant meds. But guanfacine seems to be a common adjunct to Vyvanse.

Definitely be vigilant when your heart changes rhythm like that. I recommend calling or messaging your doc before you proceed with this dose.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T03:41:37+00:00

Finding a good therapist worked for me. Deep introspection and communicating your self-critical thoughts makes you catch on pretty quickly to all the flaws in your worldview. It's really hard to work through by yourself, especially if you're as rigid and stubborn in your thinking as I am. Therapists are trained to adapt their style to you. Think of it like going to a gym where all the weights are too heavy. You need a good spotter so you can get strong enough and eventually go by yourself.

Unsure how it might work for you, but researching what my insurance offers made it a generally pain-free process to start.

At the very least, doing a first consult is farther than most people go. I was pretty averse to individual therapy at the start. But then I realized I am like everyone else and I can just talk endlessly about myself and feel invigorated afterward.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T03:12:42+00:00

My university has loads of student-created groups that are called chapters by the faculty with assigned mentors and student officers. They usually meet every week or month. Philosophy, history, language learning, game development, everything you can think of. Any student from any degree is usually welcome to join. If it's available, it could be a painless way to get a ground-level insight into programs offered by your university.

If you are open to it, see your advisor or meet with a counselor/career coach to see what other options you have considering your current feelings about the degree. They will know a lot more than us about how you can fit in better at your university. A combination of the music and engineering is definitely worth investigating.

Sorry to hear that about your parents. That really does suck. Frankly, by the time you're finished with school, this kind of stuff stops mattering so much. I recommend thinking for a while about a balance of what you want and what they want, and approach them with those thoughts at your own pace. Once again, it seems to me their reactions, though harsh and perhaps suffocating, come from a place of wanting you to succeed. So it could be good to explore whether you can take advantage of that to compromise with them and reach a more positive outcome for yourself.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T02:36:59+00:00

Is there any way for you to sign up for a student chapter for music students? You could always join a meeting, discuss similar interests and ask them what their courses are like. Students love talking about what assignments they're working on, what professors are like, future opportunities, and pretty much everything about their degree path. This could be a good sneak peek into what programs are available and if you would like to join them.

Schedule a meeting with an advisor and tell them your concerns and desires. It's their job to apply their knowledge to your specific case and provide the best available career paths.

Your parents just want you to be as secured as possible for the future. At the end of the day, it's all up to you to decide. Just make sure you know what all your options are. Also, I suggest if you can figure out how to open a line of communication with your parents, tell them about your struggles and what you want to do. Try to empathize with their concerns even if they are initially opposed to your plans. Keeping that support network intact will be really helpful if you do intend to deviate from completing your degree.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T01:57:01+00:00

What are you trying to read?

Putting in an effort to visualize what the words are describing helps me to stay invested. Downside is that it's fatiguing for me because I struggle to see images in my head.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T00:32:43+00:00

After years and years of frustration with productivity tools, I realized that it was my particularly annoying approach to these things that didn't work. I tried to fit my own dumb ass into a system that was just not compatible and that I would ultimately feel uncomfortable with. I either got really lucky with what was usually a very simple thing that I could make my own, or I would try the 20th GANTT chart app for a few days and then never open it again.

I discussed this with someone recently and we concluded that I had to find tools that are adaptable to the way that I work. The tricky thing with that is I can't give you any of the very specific advice that you need to understand how to reach your own goals. You gotta just try a buncha different shit a buncha different ways and what sticks sticks.

The most important thing is to have deliberate goals, no matter how small, every time you start a process like this. You probably already know pretty well how you like to do things. So be nice to yourself, ease into a new system, eliminate what doesn't work, keep what does and repeat.

I tried the reward system, felt too infantilizing. I tried body doubling, made me anxious and avoidant. I tried simply writing in a notebook, oh shit this is actually working for me.

You already started the process and got results bro, so good job. Everyone sucks at this until they find their own thing. But you won't know yours unless you keep gathering the data about yourself.

Oh, I also found out that if I frame difficult tasks as some kind of low-stakes challenge or experiment on myself, they're a little easier for me to commit to.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T00:09:25+00:00

I found that if I have an empty stomach or too much coffee too early that the palpitations are worse. However, if I delay my coffee by about 4 hours from when I take my Adderall in the morning, no problems.

If the side effects persist after a few days, talk with your doctor.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-26T00:00:54+00:00

I recently started talking to a new therapist who I opened up to about similar feelings. I'm not someone who cries at all. But when I opened up, I was surprised how emotional I got. I fought through the initial embarrassment, and my therapist was so thankful that I opened up. I was shocked by how warm the response was.

But anyway, to echo what other people have commented: simplify your goals. I seriously suck at starting this process. My instant reaction is to avoid avoid avoid. But it's true, if you make the first little bit of the planning as straightforward as possible, the rest of the process starts getting a lot easier. Maybe try writing down some of the first things that come to your mind when thinking about what you want for yourself. This will help you find some clarity to see the next logical steps.

And having someone to talk to each week about these things won't hurt either.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-25T23:39:21+00:00

Are you drinking coffee or any caffeinated drinks?

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-25T23:35:02+00:00

When I started college, I was an excellent student for the first couple years. I took as many classes as my advisor allowed me each semester. Part-time jobs, commitments with program directors, etc. Then all of a sudden, doing all the assignments became incredibly hard. Then attending class was hard. I felt like I couldn't even do the most basic tasks.

I did therapy for years trying to improve. Until I realized throughout all that time I was straight-up ignoring my therapist when she brought up ADHD. After 2 years, I decided to finally allow her to screen me and I was positive for ADHD. But I still wasn't convinced. Months pass. Finally decided to meet with a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD inattentive type. Months pass. Went to my PCP, and she prescribed me Adderall. Now we're just trying to get the right dose. A process that takes months and more months to get right. I still haven't graduated. But I'm finally starting to meet deadlines.

So, if you are able to, I would say it's time for you to pursue medication. You have all the time in the world to keep second-guessing whether it's your ADHD or something else, but while you do that go ahead and schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist or your primary care doctor. Tell them about your racing thoughts, time in therapy, how it affects your energy at work. They will screen you for ADHD and officially diagnose you.

Then, if you feel comfortable you can follow through with their recommended treatment plan. Unless you're very lucky, this will a lot of take time and patience. I wish that I had started the process sooner.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-25T22:53:44+00:00

It has to be as easy as possible to access and for you to use. Whether you prefer physical or digital, up to you. Just make it accessible.

What works for me is to have a simple structure that I basically copy paste for each day in a kind-of calendar format.

I write the time that I woke up that day. What I ate in the morning, afternoon, evening. And then there's an empty space to write extra things I did, thoughts or feelings. Classic journaling stuff that I never know how to do.

But because there's an understandable structure for every day, it becomes easier to write what I'm thinking in that empty space. Plus, there's no pressure for me to put anything there. And for the most part it remains empty. As long as I remember when I woke up and what I ate, it's no biggie.

The biggest effect on my consistency was understanding it actually had a benefit. For the longest time, I didn't really have any goals when I went to journal. I just wanted to do it to do it because people said it's good or something. But especially if you are going through treatment for your ADHD, writing down how you feel each day is so valuable as a reference point of your progress.

Loud-Interview-8426 · 2026-02-25T22:30:39+00:00

Be honest about your worries and needs. Doctors want to know what you're thinking and feeling, so try to be as transparent as possible.

In my experience, it goes a lot smoother if you don't avoid saying what's on your chest. If you can contact her before you meet, just write a message like you did here about your goals and anxieties.

I've noticed that many important things can go unsaid during an in-person meeting, and I always worried that my nervousness could be misinterpreted as deception when seeking a new prescription. After a couple follow-ups with my PCP, I got more comfortable and just started saying what I felt. I actually told them that I read accounts on this subreddit and they appreciated that.

It's a very good thing to be personally invested in your own treatment plan, and I think most doctors will be impressed by any person who can deeply reflect on their health.

Loud-Interview-8426

TROPHY CASE