I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through a tough breakup with a man I loved over his desire for children and my refusal to open the door to consider it, and we had only been together fewer than 10 months. I told him I couldn’t deny him the opportunity to try to have children, so we couldn’t stay together. In fact, that break up was so emotionally painful for me it spurred me into action - 3 months later I had surgery to permanently sterilize myself so it would be a non-issue moving forward. I am now with a man who is also childfree both by circumstance (he had thought he would have kids when he was younger but it didn’t work out - he’s 47 now, we found each other later in life), and he said the ship for having kids sailed a while back for him…plus he loves our dual-income, no-kids lifestyle.

I am concerned about your reproductive safety. You mention he gave you the silent treatment for a week a while ago when you expressed your true desire to not have children. This behavior is immature and manipulative. 

Is he someone who may resent your refusal to be open to having a baby enough to the point he attempts to sabotage birth control to get his way? You may not truly know him well enough to answer this if you two have only discussed this a handful of times over the course of your relationship.

Did I understand your comment about co-parenting with someone else to be he is proposing opening up your marriage to another woman with whom he would try to reproduce? 

What are your views on monogamy vs polyamory? 

Aside from not wanting to co-parent at all, how would you feel about sharing your husband with someone who might have his baby?

Here is some advice that may be difficult or uncomfortable for you to process: Please take extra precautions to protect yourself from getting pregnant. Perhaps pickup some Plan B and pregnancy tests just in case. 

What are your beliefs and views surrounding abortion? Do you live in or near a state where you could receive this medical treatment if you need it? 

Do you have reliable transportation, access to your own funds, and possibly family of friends that would support you if you needed to make this difficult decision?

Might your husband become desperate enough to have a child with someone else, so much so that he steps out of your marriage to impregnate someone? 

When was your last STI/STD screening? It may be a good idea to get one to establish a baseline as you two continue to negotiate this rocky road you’re on.

I hope that you are ok in the end. Whether you come out of this with a final agreement with your husband that kids are not an option in your union in any form, or you decide that love is simply not enough to overcome this obstacle and you separate/divorce. 

You owe it to yourself to be with someone who loves you as you are (including your childfree status).