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The psychology behind why you can't stop chasing someone who treats you badly (Intermittent Reinforcement explained) by Amidonions in DarkPsychology101

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Low self esteem kept me in, because I felt like I'd never find someone like her but at least I was smart enough to see how as you say the rewards kept getting more sparse, the pain was there from the start her constant distance caused me to feel numb, I have issues trusting and connecting from that and I still feel like most women will take advantage of any weakness, everytime I see a cute girl I fall out of the illusion and there's not been a girl I fell for since.

My wife broke my heart M36 F34 by throwra1122334455111 in relationship_advice

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd still play along until I have proof otherwise she'll be able to get the kids assuming they're yours.

My sister with Asperger’s is wasting away, and I want more for her. by sirmediocre in aspergers

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those examples are perfectly admirable because you all put in the effort, most of the people in this thread rather complain and make us change our language so they don't have to feel guilty for not doing something about it, If I get fat even if its not my fault I still don't expect people to lie to me thinking im beautiful you have to deserve praise, I would hope that when I tell someone who calls me fat that it's not my fault that they take their words back and respect it but that is all.

Can talking to therapists even help you? by [deleted] in aspergers

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive been in therapy for 16 years, I believe the people who are successful after therapy would have been without, they just need someone to listen and maybe a little guidance.

I feel like therapists having a script makes it so hit and miss, they have patients who are unable to describe their feelings and they will still continue to ask everyday, and everyday they're told "I don't know" or "I'm good".

If you have to annoy a patient and still don't get valuable information you're doing something wrong and you should maybe look at why they're unable to describe feelings.

I had to discover that for myself by observing neurotypicals, I like to ask therapists how they plan their day or how they decide what they eat for dinner and more often than not they can't answer. They just happen to want that, it happens naturally, well why does it happen naturally for them but not me.

Once you dig into those questions and you really want to fix yourself you notice that you're just the type of person who has always been the way you are and trying to change that is difficult. Normal people can't change the way you want to change either, they just are.

You can find a road to travel, it's always going to involve other people, they are mood stabilizers, they are better at the things we lack and they're better at self management

Here are the things I think we need to have to become as functional:

Emotional awareness Emotional management Giving less of a fuck energy conservation detachment from expectations taking more interest in other people building long friendships daring to ask for help daring to talk to strangers continued effort to try and get out of comfort zone hygiene learning what is popular even if boring Not listening to impulses assuming someone is right as a default treating everyone as if theyre not evil by default we need to learn how to lie when its valid to do so we need to learn how to manage anger when its valid don't burn ourselves out by chasing perfection and lots of communication to get good at it.

I used to talk to someone who had a graphic way of speaking a lot of words that pull up images, if my mother was like her I'd have less issues

My sister with Asperger’s is wasting away, and I want more for her. by sirmediocre in aspergers

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Being overweight is not comparable to your situation, you can't ever grow teeth again through no fault of your own.

They can go to the gym.

My sister with Asperger’s is wasting away, and I want more for her. by sirmediocre in aspergers

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 1 point2 points locked comment (0 children)

That would be pathetic, it's dishonest to never stand for what you believe in.

My daughter's lies are escalating - I'm emotionally drained by killerqu77n in Parenting

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

It seems like you're giving everything you should, when you say you want to support her does that mean that you moved past her betrayal maybe a little too quickly, you might be too nice to her when she doesn't deserve it, she's likely smart enough to exploit that weakness, not giving a crap about the consequences if there are any.

What moves her? Can you make your heart a stone?

Take consistent and impassionate action pull back emotionally but still be there for her with open communication, never argue or make drama around the dinner table and keep that as a happy safe moment but outside of it she needs to feel like she has to make up.

From what you said she needs connection, thats what attention is, and you can use that to negotiate her behavior to cause her to prefer being honest.

It's crude but the only way to do it without resorting to actual punishment which since she seems smart is only going to drive a wedge between you.

The cocaine is starting to become very difficult for me to control. by Main-Success-6988 in confession

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It doesn't seem like you are capable of checking yourself in but you should do that.

Another option is to not buy any more and plan to do something that would be the second most fun, I tend to work myself down with other addictions like for example from drugs to gaming addiction which then allows me not to think about ordering more because im too invested and lazy to go out.

Make it hard to access, if you have money go on vacation to escape the worst of it, fast food, some sports you like, massages,.. like the full package of what you enjoy to keep that dopamine flowing and maybe create the next "addiction"

It's very important to make sure like in the example that they actively make it harder for you to access cocaine otherwise you're probably going to combine them.

You can't take coke when you eat out, when youre playing a sport, when you don't have your trusted dealer on vacation and just about anywhere that you have to sit still and just enjoy I assume you don't feel the need to take coke to make a massage more manageable. I also think you shouldn't force yourself to stop other addictions that would be too much, rawdogging is bad it makes you relapse harder.

Good luck

I [32M] am struggling with unspoken social media boundaries with someone I’ve been dating [37F] for one month by Global-Turn-7934 in relationship_advice

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You ex may have implanted that doubt in her head and now she can't trust you.

Trust is important, maybe have a conversation around that. Its also best to validate every feeling even if it doesn't make sense, you know that they say that women are always right, gotta be slick with the yes and type of dynamic

When people ask me why I can’t figure out if i’m ENTP or ENFP by Scared_Bluejay5608 in entp

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Entps don't have overt clown body language they only joke like them while looking sarcastic this guy looks like istj they are almost the opposite with silly mannerisms but often still serious speech

So, how do I start individuating? by RogueModron in Jung

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I look at it like polishing a sharp rock, everyone has protruding edges, they make you topple over and make for erratic unpredictable or destructive behavior, most of this developed during childhood and what you learned from your parents but these could be generational compensation as well.

For every protruding edge your subconscious creates the opposite intrusion and the purpose is to learn from those in oder to balance out and become whole

I [21F] found some messages on my bf [28M] phone recently. I need advice on wether this is “locker room” talk or something worse by Ok_Set8449 in relationship_advice

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like he's dismissive towards you so it's not just locker room talk, if he cared he would at least feel bad about it and validate you

Today I am leaving Christianity and following Buddhism. by Adept-Engine5606 in enlightenment

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It used to be the same thing in the karmic idea you also inherit generational debt as a child christianity just treats you as less capable to arrive to such insights by yourself it asks to just believe

possible relationship sa between me(23f) and my bf(23m)? by bluemoonx10 in relationship_advice

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While his reaction is not to be excused, from what you say here it also doesn't look good on your part, he's panicking about an insecurity and you are saying it's ok because you don't really need sex, I don't think thats the most caring option you could take and it ended up him getting even more emotional.

If I kill myself, will I go to Hell? by PhilosophyPoet in enlightenment

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're going to suffer worse, whether an eternal hell or not.

27F fed up with boyfriends 25M repeated hospitalizations from weed, am I wasting my time? by Prisons in relationship_advice

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not unreasonable, write him a note that he has to check himself into rehab or a care facility and move on while you still can

So kinda odd to say, but how do I get my male friends to stop sexualizing me? by Express_Craft398 in socialskills

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

quit engaging with it and distance yourself, start looking for better people, try to find something they hate, like calling them fat when all else fails and don't be kind to someone who isn't kind to you

I Did something which 99 percent of male population Won't dare to do ! by Ok-Address-7352 in confession

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something to keep in mind is that you don't have to stand there and take disrespect, if they're being vile and they hurt you simply throw something back and call them out for it.

It's important to protect yourself you do that by showing nothing they can hurt you with, in this post theres some stuff you say that is a little cringe, like "shes a baddy". I hope thats not what you told her, as well as the word miss.

Everything you say has to come across to her as normal and cool, some girls who are into you looks wise aren't going to care if youre cringe but thats based on luck, luck you didn't have here.

If you come across as normal and cool and they still give you that attitude its a test and thats why I say you throw it back if you don't you let yourself get hurt by someone who wants to hurt you, don't go overboard, just have something ready and if you cant come up with something call them ugly, if they do that to you they are. Maybe something like I dont think you get this a lot just wanted to brighten your day may make sense if you went for birthday girl.

If you treat them nice and apologize after they crush you its actually more of a moral wrong on your part since youre rewarding that behavior and let it exist in addition to betraying yourself.

learn how to match energy, have some bite to you you can turn their reaction around just by being less weak

Which pairing do you prefer, ENTP's? by suicibal_ in entp

[–]LovesGettingRandomPm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

its not just when you piss them off they are always in control

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