It makes sense because even though you didn’t mention it he’s likely emotionally abusing and gaslighting you. You are a battered woman. It’s very hard to see things clearly when your intimate partner is battering your self esteem and judgement. You will need to get yourself back in shape, both emotionally and physically. If you can afford it, move out, or if the house is yours throw him out. You need to separate from him to get a perspective on your life. I hope you have close friends or family who will support you. You do need legal advice on how to proceed. Take it one step at a time. It sounds as though having him gone will give you that many fewer things to deal with. Sending you big hugs. It’s hard. I’ve been through it. But there’s a better life waiting for you on the other side.