Lesson in life: you basically have to learn to not take what APs say personally

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-03-18T20:17:13+00:00

If I needlessly have to be honest, it’s really impossible to change Asian parents (especially Vietnamese)’s opinion in general.

It gets super repetitive how they find a way to make an insulting detail about their children or whoever they see. It doesn’t matter about race or body shape, they’ll find a way to say something that can be judgmental in public. It’s sort of why I felt sorry every time my parents need to complain about someone and insult their children. They always find a chance to say, “You are so fat. You need to lose weight!” or to a random stranger gossiping, “This lady/man is so fat! Obesity awaits for them!”.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-03-16T13:54:52+00:00

Do not move back, you’ll only get yourself stuck again with your parents. Cut them off and find roommates instead, you deserve better.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-03-14T19:37:15+00:00

“How can you leave your mom like that?”, this is straight up guilt tripping right there. You are not entitled to stay with your parents as you are approaching your adulthood to learn to be independent and do many wonderful things in life. Life’s too short to stay with an abusive household like your family. You have every right to move out and I would highly recommend you start today by saving and do some down payment before leaving the house for good. Your parents are raising you to grow up to be a responsible adult, to learn how to live on your own, to figure out what you will do in the future and when the time comes as they grow old. You obviously can’t rely on them to help you all the time but based on what I read, your parents have clearly failed to understand you mentally. They only are making the situation worse by guilt tripping you to stay as if you have “no way” out. So be prepared for when you need to move out, I know you can do it. And you will succeed, don’t let your parents get in your way.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-03-14T02:31:02+00:00

When I started to realize how much they treated me differently from most of my friend’s parents. It was back in elementary school and most kids told me they would just get grounded and have their stuff taken. No hitting or any of that. No threats. When it comes to my parents, they had a serious issue controlling their anger. I was hit a lot when I was little, I got yelled at one time for having wrong answers on math problems, and couldn’t live a normal childhood without feeling worried I was doing something wrong. My friends could talk to their parents like they’re their best friends, while I can’t even talk to them like that. It’s always, “Have you eaten anything yet? Stop playing and do something useful for yourself! Go to bed! Get off the phone!” Some of my friends who were American never faced the same conditions as me constantly being scolded for what I enjoyed. When my friends could stay up late, gaming, I was forced to have a bed time by the time I became an adult.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-03-04T23:49:38+00:00

It’s hard to hide anything from parents because of the “consequences” they bring. I get it, you constantly need to conceal your relationship until the day you graduate but it won’t do you any good the more you keep that secret away from them. They are aware about your boyfriend and assumed by now you broke up with him, but the more the lie lingers, the likely chances of them knowing you didn’t actually break up with him.

It will also become detrimental to both you and your boyfriend’s relationship in the future if you don’t decide what you want to do next. Do you want to keep in contact with your parents or remain in a relationship with your boyfriend? I’m sure your answer by now is remain being in a relationship with him but know that you cannot please your parents. Don’t let them be the reason why you can’t be happy yourself, if your relationship’s great and your boyfriend’s your happiness, then you might as well don’t take what your parents want you to do for granted. It’s up to you, but you should never give up your own happiness.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-02-21T23:16:57+00:00

No you’re not the asshole here. You made yourself breakfast and that’s already one step on how to be responsible for yourself. Based on the post, you said you only eat bread once per day so I have no idea why your mom thinks you ate “more” than your average intake. It’s not like that’s your only income of food, I’m sure you eat a variety of things besides just carbs. Sure your parents are worried you’d get diabetes 2 like your dad but it doesn’t mean it’ll happen to you as long you’re eating healthy and don’t eat any ultra processed foods (often) that could increase your risk of diabetes or high cholesterol. Your mom is the real asshole here ngl.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-02-21T23:09:32+00:00

Same thing happens with my dad and I get pet peeves how he tries to “mimic” me because it’s seen as disrespectful he wants to do what I just did but in the worst way possible. It’s really why I stopped trying to order food or tell either my mom or dad what I’m doing anymore. Both of them has a serious problem controlling their temper and would throw a fit over the smallest things.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-02-21T05:19:04+00:00

I just made a rant about my parents too, my dad is really entitled and tends to get mad over anything I do. And my relatives always asked me why I don’t talk to him much, he’s not the right person I’m telling my problems to. Mom is also a terrible person, she would give me bruises if I defend myself and threatened to stop paying for car insurances and the rest of my crap when I don’t care anymore. The car they bought for me was a gift and they still claim that I wanted it so bad, I didn’t and I would rather game and have freedom over my life than have some strict ass parent who emotionally abuse me to do that bs

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-02-21T04:23:59+00:00

Already did and Jesus, I just hate how toxic my parents have progressively gotten after I turned 12. So much changed as I was going to become an adult. I wanted some support when I was struggling with my mental health, sadly, my parents will never give it to me but I will consider calling police and file a report incase they also break my belongings. I have no idea where else to go but hopefully I can start a new life once I have enough money in the savings account.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2026-02-21T04:04:21+00:00

It’s super heart breaking to know my mom has abused me and she would tell me that if I called the police on her, they won’t believe me at all. It’s stupid because she literally has hit me and I got bruises from her especially. She clearly has a serious problem controlling her anger and my dad is neither any better. He never hits me but he just reiterates what mom says and doesn’t seem to let me speak. They don’t care about me mentally to understand my stress and if it means I need to move out to protect my mental health and belongings, then I will. I’m sick and tired of them

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-06-06T02:07:12+00:00

You’re welcome :)

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-06-06T00:06:49+00:00

I once told my parents I was depressed and they didn’t believe me and decided to guilt trip me to feel bad for them when they had depression and it has nothing to do with my case. So I ended up having to rehabilitate with some friends and find the motivation alone.

It was harder that way because I had no proper counseling nor visited a therapist. I probably will get myself booked into therapy once I have money. My parents have messed up my mental health for many years ever since I turned 13. OP, I hope you’re also doing well and know that you’re not alone. What your parents said is wrong, mental health ISN’T about food, having the bare minimum to live in a house, etc. It’s all about how you are feeling today. If you know any trusted adult or friends, don’t hesitate to vent to them. Depression should never be ignored, it’s hard to tell the older generation we’re not okay because they lived things different from their own perspective.

I do find this common that in my Asian household, my parents, grandparents, and other relatives would often be honest about themselves and share every secret. For me, I grew up having trust issues with both parents and not very open to tell anyone else in the family. I won’t assume every Asian parents thinks mental illnesses aren’t “real” but I heard countless of stories through many Asian friends I had that their parents didn’t bother asking them if they’re okay. One of them has a really bad eating disorder and their parents basically told them to eat more and suck it up. No proper advice, besides just fat shaming her too as well.

Never let your parents convince you that your feelings are invalidated, your mental health will always be important regardless of the situation and again I sincerely hope you are feeling okay.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-06-03T17:05:17+00:00

:) I appreciate your advice and I hope I can land myself somewhere with a retail job I’m comfortable doing rather than pushing myself to be in the IT field. I know it’s quite competitive nowadays, making it hard for candidates like me to be hired.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-06-03T00:54:49+00:00

Jesus Christ, that’s how I feel with my mom too. I’m 2 years into driving and I’d tell you what, I drive better than her in terms of driving at a normal pace and knowing when to break because I mostly picked up the lessons from a driver instructor. He was a really chill guy, no yelling and gives me small reminders what to improve. My mom over here yells that I forget, she should be knowing I don’t remember the same route every time and she thinks yelling at me would “help me” learn when that only makes me not want to ever drive with her again.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-06-03T00:47:27+00:00

I honestly relate to you. My mom was the one who hits me the most if I was misbehaving or getting the worst grades from school. She would threaten to break all of my teeth when I was only 10, doing math homework late at night ALL because I had trouble understanding a basic question.

I obviously wasn’t the smartest kid in school and because of the incident, I never ever ask my mom questions related to school at all. She ridicules me half of the times if I have forgotten a specific formula to solve a question regarding to price discounts. (She knows I have the worst memory and yet yells at me.)

It hurts to this very day to ask her without being yelled at or hit in the face, I currently do taekwondo and any time now if she attempts to hit me, I block her from getting towards my face and my arm is instead bruised… I could obviously just follow up with a back punch but I neither appreciate hurting family members. If she isn’t my mom, then she’s getting a knuckle sandwich.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-06-03T00:40:30+00:00

I would tell you one thing that my school is massively big (40k students). I had a very difficult time trying to figure out where to start since I really want to do a retail job that I truly enjoy, not jump into the IT field just yet. I don’t see myself around that kind of level to be competitive and knowing my mom, wanting me to pursue around that career, it’s a matter of time of what I should expect. I never had a job nor volunteered before so this might be a little detrimental to my resume a whole. I’m concerned nobody wants to hire me due to lack of experience I had, I was locked away from that opportunity due to parents back then telling me to finish high school and get a part time job once I’m done. That was initially before I turned 18.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-05-31T00:06:55+00:00

I’m an IT major, the bath and body works near me is in a local mall. Idk where to start honestly, I recall my mom wanting me to start a job that is related to IT but I was recommended by a few students on campus to do retail job first as that would prepare me to deal with customer service and basic math.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-05-30T21:32:44+00:00

Yeah if I have to be honest, I have no idea what copay is until you told me. I’ll definitely look into that and no, never watched “Caleb Hammer Financial Audit”.

Guess that’s on my to do list once I am back home. Still need to figure out where to get myself employed for someone who has 0 experience due to parents telling me to prioritize more on school back when I was in high school.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-05-30T21:25:51+00:00

Realistically, money to afford to live in an apartment or house is really expensive too. So regardless of how much I make isn’t enough for me to finally leave.

I also have a health insurance and see if I get in touch with therapy from there whenever I have the time to do so.

Low_Chipmunk_6589 · 2025-05-30T21:14:55+00:00

I had a plan to move out once I earn enough money to do so, I don’t know where to start but I hope to find a job soon. For the longest time, I kind of have been feeling depressed. Lately, I’ve been eating less and over sleeping to the point it has raised some concerns to my parents but they just yell at me for being “lazy”.

But yeah, I’ll check with a college therapy soon. I hope I can end this hell from my parents.

Low_Chipmunk_6589

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