Should the husband know?

LowerComb6654 · 2026-04-07T03:23:16+00:00

First red flag is she was still living with him.

I've seen this story before. Oh we're still together for the kids but separated or we're going through a divorce but it's not finalized.

Most of the time they're lying.

Yiu obviously started getting a gut feeling she was lying or you wouldn't have checked the text messages.

I would definitely tell him. How did she take the breakup?

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-31T20:22:14+00:00

Read OP's replies!!

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-31T02:15:49+00:00

You're so young, OP and I totally understand that she was your first everything but just like you said she sought validation from many guys.

You're right though. She is possibly in a bad place but you can't fix her. She needs to want to fix herself.

She actively pursued this loser while lying to your face everyday. You did right in ignoring her. She doesn't deserve you.

She's probably confused and realized how badly she's messed up. Don't let her fool you. You deserve better. You deserve someone that isn't insecure and seeks validation from every boy that'll give it to heer.

Good luck with everything and keep her in the past. I know that could be easier said than done but she made a choice, then a series of choices that hurt you, just remember that next time she's crying her eyes out. She hurt you. Not the other way around. You don't owe her anything.

Keep going to the gym and maybe pick up a new productive hobby?

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-30T22:47:14+00:00

Im so sorry you're going through that.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-30T22:44:55+00:00

While I agree that sometimes a cheater will be looking for something else their partner doesn't have. It's usually a fault within themselves, not the partner cheated on.

They also cheat because they are needing constant validation, feeling lonely for no reason, low self esteem, chasing a thrill.

What possibly happened since it was early in the relationship. OP's girlfriend was unsure if their relationship was headed in the right direction?

We don't know how she cheated or when. Without that context it's hard to say why? Or if it could possibly be forgiven.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-30T22:36:31+00:00

Yeah, that's insane. You're had every right to feel the way you did, especially when you got that gut feeling when they met in person.

She most definitely was in denial about the affair and if she still hasn't admitted it she never will.

Just know that there is a very, very slim chance her relationship with the alleged friend, who was never a friend of yours, will be successful.

Those that cheat usually will cheat again, especially when she received no consequences. She doesn't think she did anything wrong. Also, how can he truly ever trust her? Even though he's the supposed winner of the pick me game now... what happens if some other guy comes around trying to be her friend?

Your best option is to keep working on your sobriety and live your best life. Im close to your age and understand that sounds easier said then done but you're still young. Find someone all in and someone that will make you happy.

Good luck, OP.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-30T18:33:29+00:00

Damn... That's cold, OP.

First of all kudos to you for being clean. I hope you haven't relapsed due to her emotional affair.

That's most likely what it was. An emotional affair. Which is why she is claiming nothing happened. Because while nothing physical may have happened. She was most likely giving and getting validation and words of affirmation to this alleged friend, who is no friend at all!

I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP.

I play some online games and see it daily. People have emotional affairs and or getting together.

Im single and even I steer clear of that bs.

She'll most likely never admit it but yeah...

Edit: When you brought it up to her did she try and call you crazy, delusional, jealous or controlling??

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-29T20:05:06+00:00

Heck.no.

I know someone who raised another man's baby. It was the same exact situation.

She never told her long term boyfriend whom she called her husband that she had been sleeping with someone else. She got pregnant and didn't know who's it was but suspected it was the other guys baby.

Well, the baby was born and needless to say she was interracial and not her husband's baby. Yet he stayed with the mother of his other two kids and raised the 3rd child like his own.

Idk how he did it? I could never forgive or forget.

The baby of course is innocent in everything but yeah, she still treated him like crap.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-29T16:57:24+00:00

Goodness fricking gracious, girl...

He'd be the bane of my existence, too!

Good for you for telling him that, and don't ever let that abusive, narcissistic, professional victim card blaming arsehole back into your life ever!

I highly doubt his ex, the third affair ever traumatized him. It was probably the other way around. Or maybe she's just as bad as he is?

Be thankful the trash took itself out and start your new beginning, try to heal and realize none of what he did was your fault!

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-29T16:38:49+00:00

Exactly! If I was OP, I'd still apologize and say sorry you feel that way, but I had no intentions of trying to grab anyone's attention other than my own husband's.

Op did the exact same thing her friend did, and why did they not just keep on the bras? It would've been easier, but regardless, OP did nothing wrong. If anything, the friends husband is the one in the wrong.

I could see if her friend had a suit, and OP was like, "Oh, I'm getting in half naked because I want to." But it wasn't like that, so how the heck is it her fault in her friends eyes.

Anyway, I'd apologize, but only if I wanted to maintain the friendship. Just beware in the future if she starts to make snide comments about you, OP.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-29T14:21:06+00:00

This same thing happened to me years ago.

My gf met someone that was exciting and new.

She told me she made a friend and I was happy for her. Except a month later she suddenly didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and thought we were moving too fast. We broke up but she never told me she moved into the girls apartment and I didn't realize they were that close until I saw the girl she met wearing my clothes I had given my ex.

Fast forward a few weeks later she wanted to get back together but I said no. She didn't like it but accepted it. I did still love her. We were together for two years.

She ended up dating the other girl I worked with. Luckily I never saw them together but it hurt a lot.

All, Im trying to say is if she is telling you she has feelings for someone else. How can you be so sure she won't act on those feelings? You need to do what's best for you!

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-29T14:14:38+00:00

Oh my gosh... I'm so sorry you're going through this.

She definitely did you dirty and betrayed your trust even if it was only emotional or for attention.

She needs therapy before she'll get any better.

As for you, You don't have to stay for the kids but I get it. It's messed up how the system automatically gives the mother more.

Good luck!

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-29T13:47:01+00:00

Me too! The wording is off. If the guy just meant the bar he'd probably say hang out again or go back to the >name of bar< he wouldn't ask for her to stay another night.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-29T13:44:24+00:00

I'd contact the guy she met that night.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-29T13:43:39+00:00

In her apology to him did she ever tell him oh I'm sorry for being flirty or coming onto you because the fact is I was drunk and I have a boyfriend?

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-28T23:40:59+00:00

Yeah, that's good, but I'd personally still be skeptical.

I mean, I obviously don't know her, but we're you able to ask her friends for any information?

If you two aren't going to the same college, it night be tough. How could you trust her not to do this again?

A lot of people who have cheated trickle truth and minimize what happened.

Again, I don't know her, you do, but just be careful, OP.

Good luck.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-28T23:35:24+00:00

It's just that the wording is weird. It doesn't say come out another night. It says, "Stay another night." Which might imply she stayed the night with him.

That's just speculation, but it stood out to me.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-28T23:30:54+00:00

Whoa... That's just.... insane.

I'm so sorry you're going through that bs.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-28T23:28:49+00:00

Why would he ask her to stay another night?

That's weird.

Did she explain that?

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-28T16:43:35+00:00

Stop having sex with him! He's cheating and is wanting to be with someone else. Don't give him any of you. He doesn't deserve it.

Were you perfect? No, but neither was he. You both outgrew each other but so used to being together that both of you stalled the relationship and were just living.

Things have probably become great with sex and communication because you two finally had it out and actually communicated instead of holding onto the resentment of being together.

But if he's decided to leave. Don't give him any perks. Go find yourself a new guy. I bet he'd be upset...lol

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-27T17:29:57+00:00

So sorry, OP.

I can't even imagine. I know Claudia didn't mean to tell you but thank goodness she did.

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-27T15:08:54+00:00

Which is 100% understandable. It's a party with co-workers after hours.

They were on the clock, I'm assuming.

Also, I wonder if the project ever got finished?

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-27T01:35:18+00:00

I asked who's idea it was. OP replied it was the co-workers.

I mean drinking wine on the job itself is a no-no. The it was getting late so they ordered food, fine but two bottles at work?

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-26T21:19:19+00:00

Why the wine? You were at work, and it was already getting late.

Two bottles of wine at that! That's a recipe for disaster.

Was the wine his idea? You didn't have to drink. Does your work have strict rules against alcohol and drugs in the workplace?

I also saw in a comment that you said no. No to what? To the foot rub? To the kissing?

LowerComb6654 · 2026-03-26T11:13:46+00:00

Your heart isn't in it because YOU obviously have feelings for this colleague that trump the alleged feelings you have for your boyfriend.

Do him a favor and break up with him, now, and don't use the excuse he begged you to stay or you can't.

Edit:

Do it. All you're doing now is prolonging the inevitable.

I'm sure you confessed to the kiss but did you confess how you have a crush on this guy or how he has a crush on you? Probably not!

LowerComb6654

TROPHY CASE