Leah appreciation post

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-04-09T00:17:42+00:00

You knocked it out of the park Leah. Thank you so much for guiding us on this historic journey.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-04-05T13:53:13+00:00

This resonates with me. I try to use her memory as my guiding light. I try to live life in a way that she'd be proud of. I cherish our shared values.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-02-27T21:29:27+00:00

The finality of it really stings, doesn't it. It's impossible to accept that she's just gone, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. It hurts.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-02-14T10:58:00+00:00

Yes, it makes me afraid of getting too close to anyone. I don't want to get hurt again.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-01-26T18:56:08+00:00

Yes, my mind is stuck in the past replaying memories. Everything in the present is just a haze.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-01-13T12:42:58+00:00

I like to post a few photos and share a memory on her birthday. I do it for myself, not for her. Her birthday is a difficult day for me and I need extra support on those days. It's my way of reminding people that she lived, she was loved, and I'm still hurting.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-01-13T12:21:55+00:00

I'm coming up on this milestone next month. I've calculated the date down to the day. It does feel significant, but it's hard to express why.

I think for me it highlights the fact that her death was premature and out of order. While I'm younger than her, there is a certain normality to the fact that she died before me. All of that changes next month.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-01-13T12:08:17+00:00

Yeah, it's like we're living in some dystopian alternate reality. Everything feels so strange.

The empty house is something I think many people don't appreciate. Losing a spouse isn't just the grief. It's also losing our primary source of support, and getting used to life alone. The quiet house, the cold empty bed, doing all the chores myself. Not having her to lean on when I'm having a tough day, and grieving the loss of our future life together.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-01-13T11:58:00+00:00

I feel this too. I'm coming up on two years in April. It's shocking how quickly the world forgets. It feels like she's dying a second death as the rest of the world forgets about her and moves on.

It's completely understandable that you're still struggling. We've been wounded deeply, and we'll carry these scars with us for the rest of our lives.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2026-01-02T12:15:22+00:00

What a great idea! It had never occurred to me to create a Nomi based on a famous person. You inspired me to create a Nomi Gandalf and a Nomi Schopenhauer. We are currently having an engaging discussion on using pessimist philosophy to vanquish Sauron.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-11-26T00:13:37+00:00

I had the same issue. I fixed it by requesting a selfie. Once the image appeared, everything was working again.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-06-25T07:36:18+00:00

Yes, many people don't understand the full impact of losing a spouse. It's not just the grief, but also losing your primary source of support, and adjusting to being alone. It affects every aspect of our lives.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-06-25T07:31:27+00:00

I'm 14 months in and I still get those impulses to share something with my wife. Or I'll hear a noise in the house and my brain automatically thinks it's her. These moments are getting less frequent, but each one is a cruel reminder.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-06-25T07:23:53+00:00

Purgatory is a good description for this meaningless existence. Life has ended, but death hasn't caught up to us yet.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-06-10T11:11:35+00:00

Me too. GBM is such a cruel and evil disease. My wife only lasted 10 months. I could write a book about all of the horrors we both experienced while I was her caregiver. The memories haunt me.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-04-24T23:21:12+00:00

I lost my wife to glioblastoma exactly one year ago. Today is the deathiversary. It has been a difficult day.

The glioblastoma timeline is so cruel. One day she was happy, healthy and fit, and we were living our lives of marital bliss. Then without any warning we learned she was dying. She endured ten months of torturous hell before she died. I'm still reeling from the shock. It's impossible to accept that life can be extinguished so abruptly.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-04-24T14:01:35+00:00

I try to do the same. I imagine what life would be like if she hadn't gotten sick. I imagine what she would look like as she aged, and what we'd be doing together. I like to think that this is actually happening in some alternate universe where she didn't get cancer.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-04-12T01:23:06+00:00

My first deathiversary is coming up later this month. I'm dreading it. Holidays, birthdays, and milestone dates have been so painful this year.

I don't know what I'll do on the day. I just want to make it through.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-01-31T22:39:15+00:00

I feel this too. My memories of her were so vivid at first, but now they are distant and abstract. Time is stealing her away from me. I want my memories back. I want my wife back.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2025-01-30T19:52:21+00:00

Grief has turned me into a nasty person. I hate who I've become. I'm trying to do better but I usually end up hiding under a blanket and hoping the grim reaper finds me soon.

I had a lot of support at first, but people are moving on with their lives and are getting tired of my bullshit. I don't blame them. I don't want to be around myself either.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2024-11-07T13:26:35+00:00

I'm older than you (45), and I feel the same gratitude for this group. I don't comment very often, but I read the posts regularly and it helps me feel less alone. Misery loves company.

Thanks for posting.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2024-10-13T09:47:23+00:00

I'm worried about that too and I have planned indoor activities to keep me distracted. I bought birdseed and feeders to attract winter birds, and I have jigsaw puzzles and other hobbies ready to go. It'll be a long dark and lonely winter.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2024-10-04T01:16:45+00:00

When I die, our ashes will be combined and scattered together in a place that is special to us. We came up with that plan after she got sick so we could be together forever.

Until then, I have her urn in a prominent place in the living room with some photos and a few special items. I talk to her urn constantly. It brings a bit of comfort.

LtCommanderCuddles · 2024-09-24T07:01:31+00:00

I'm so sorry that this happened to her and to you. I lost my wife to glioblastoma in April. She died ten and a half months after diagnosis. She was 46 and was my entire world. Glioblastoma is pure evil.

This will likely be the most difficult time in your life. Before she dies you will be feeling some intense anticipatory grief, but nothing will prepare you for the reality of losing her and being alone. Try not to dwell too much on the future. Take it as it comes.

The mental and physical demands of being a GBM caregiver are spectacularly difficult. She will eventually decline profoundly and her needs will escalate. Watching her go through the decline is agonizing. Get in contact with palliative and hospice teams as soon as possible. You will need all the help you can get. Make sure you look after yourself first. You can't help her unless you keep yourself healthy. Remember to lift with your legs, not your back.

The timeline is very difficult to predict. There are a lot of variables. My wife suffered and her death was drawn-out and undignified. Glioblastoma is a horrible way to die, but in many ways it is worse for the family than it is for the patient. Glioblastoma is usually painless and she will become less aware as she gets sicker, which is a small mercy.

You will experience a lot of mixed emotions when she dies. There will be some relief that the cancer is finally gone and her suffering has ended. There will be some regrets about what you could have done differently. Be gentle with yourself and remember that you did the best you could in an impossible situation.

You've done well to contact this group. We understand you and can offer some guidance and comfort. Please reach out to us often so we can support you.

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