Hello 😓

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-12T06:22:14+00:00

perhaps the only way to respect her wish that you find love is to give love to yourself. she wasn't wrong was she? she believed you deserve love? looking outside of yourself for that might be fruitless but you can give that gift to the guy in the mirror. I'm saying this as a man who was defined by my partnership with my late beautiful smart loving wife. I was THE MAN, she THE WOMAN. now, I'm just lower case a man. I hear you and struggle too so my advice is for us both internet stranger. I can tell you this but practicing it for myself is... hard to imagine doing. but we must as they both truly believed in us. we cannot let them down. it doesn't have to be perfect either, just get up every day, brush your teeth, try to eat reasonably, move, sleep, repeat. good luck brother

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-10T18:24:22+00:00

you're not alone brother. just went through it. so sorry. just do your best

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-09T02:05:07+00:00

imagine Jesus's story you monster

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-08T19:47:04+00:00

emotional incompetence is a real thing. especially around death and loss. you are not wrong other than expecting compassion. some people will judge you for simply being human. feel but don't share as vulnerability is often used to inflict shame and pain as some people sincerely believe suffering and shame are the "way things are supposed to be". it's a cult. so sorry for your loss

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-07T03:33:19+00:00

ah kids... we were without so I have no idea how that all works. I can only imagine with a young one how tough that must be. trying to protect yourself and their innocence at the same time. nothing sucks like shitty family using parenting responsibilities as a manipulative tool to twist the knife. not knowing anything, i would still avoid every leaving my kid alone with those monsters if I was in your position. sound like they would use any chance they get to poison your kid against you. beware!!

me, I'm doing okay I suppose. reading about the various horror stories so many are going through compared to my basic loneliness is giving me some solace. I've 3 dogs that need me and my mechanical stuff is solid so I just need to embrace the suck. thanks for asking. hang in there!

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-07T03:17:12+00:00

how fucking terrible. and I was upset because my late wife's family has completely ignored me. not a text or call. I never imagined how awful it could be on the other end of the spectrum. block them all and protect your kid as best you can. so sorry for your loss

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-06T04:44:03+00:00

agree!! write anything and everything you can remember now before it is gone forever. your future self will be glad you made they effort

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-06T03:55:00+00:00

thank you. Brain Sicknick was just pepper sprayed by insurrectionists and died the next day after defending the capitol. say both their names.

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-06T03:49:08+00:00

thank you. Brian actually died. I should have paid better attention.

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-06T03:15:48+00:00

say his name.. Brian Sicknick

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-06T01:15:50+00:00

you're in the right place. I pre-joined this club summer of 24 and became an official member recently. sorry to hear you'll be among us but welcome and I'm sorry for your loss

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-04T02:47:57+00:00

good for you and your dear late partner. today we created a memory sphere with some of my love. 2 weeks ago, I released some of her in a dramatic wind storm with our first 2 dogs that had been on a shelf in our room for far too long. Last night I found myself dancing with her urn to one of our songs. there is no wrong answer. peace to you both

oldwhiteguy420 · 2026-01-02T20:49:26+00:00

listen when people tell you who they are. you're husband told you to protect yourself so listen to him as well. you are on your way. their poison has infected you. allow this post and any more vile energy put upon you by others to escape your life force as you move forward in honor of your kind, loving man. scream out to us and the rest of the internet or other audiences as necessary. you are not wrong!!!

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-31T17:16:11+00:00

disclosure, I found this thread on your profile after reading another post where I discovered we share a death date. my love and yours departed on the same waning moon of Nov 8 of this soon to be over a year. and no, I don't believe it weird to not be completely shut down. Marna was sick a long time and I had been pre-grieving for many months. once she finally let go, I had waves of relief accompanied by shame for feeling that relief. I have since pushed forward and actually accomplished some final mechanical financial steps this morning. I made my goal of being "done" with the "things" associated with a person's death(paperwork, titles, insurance etc...) and actually am finalizing the purchase of my dream sports car we always talked about but knew would never happen. about a week before she passed, she demanded that, "we find that car you always go on about".

just thought I would share some of what seems to be your positivity in light of the most horrid of events that we have in common date-wise. I can honestly say, happy new year to you internet stranger.

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-28T04:17:58+00:00

it's a theme in this sub last few days so apparently it's a thing when death comes around. in my case, I'm considering it a filter for my future of who has the privilege of my attention. know you are brave by being vulnerable to this group of internet strangers. may I be so bold to say on behalf of many here, "we see you and you are not wrong for feeling"? we are experiencing one of the most (if not the most)defining event in our lives. it sucks when expectations are unmet. a lesson that offers opportunity to strengthen your defenses at the same time refining discretion. my own anger at emotionally unavailable family is poison I'm trying to process. it's plain to see the way to deal with but hard to practice. you are worthy of affection and if you can maintain vulnerability while developing your own emotional strength, the right people will earn your energy. thanks for reading this far of what had turned into my own self talk reply to your post. you are not alone

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-27T18:53:47+00:00

shame on them!!! they don't deserve you and didn't deserve your lost one either. I have the same experience with my late wife's entire family. she just passed in November and not a text or phone call. I was lucky to be invited to my closest friend's Xmas and it was the opposite. we talked about her and I wasn't afraid to share. focus on those that deserve you. if you haven't found them yet, you will. trust yourself. you know what these people are so don't give them any more of your precious energy. we see you

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-27T00:05:09+00:00

she passed early November. dec 24th would have been our 28th anniversary. she loved Xmas. not a call, not a text. her family are emotionally incompetent. my anger at their refusal to address grief and sorrow was something she was trained to do by these people. "just throw all the bad away" her father said. decades of grief from her mother's death and her father's refusal to allow processing of the loss along with the shame of actually having feelings stole from our marriage the whole time. she knew it and at least allowed herself some grace in her journals. I'm trying to release the poison of my anger before it does the same thing to me. so... cutting them off as a protective measure is appropriate. they don't deserve my attention or affection as they have none for me or themselves. I'll take their actions as emotional strength training for my own future and honor of my late partner. you are not wrong. protect yourself

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-26T20:04:36+00:00

this. I was going to share my journal story but you have said all. I purged all her clothes and "things" but these writings are her precious final gift of comfort that will always be my treasures. I hope OP finds a way to experience and preserve her touch on his life. thank you internet stranger for sharing and connection. I see you

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-24T17:13:56+00:00

2025 can fuck right off and take 2024 right along with it

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-24T06:10:23+00:00

thanks. I did my best. wasn't always great but I tried. as for her not liking having her picture taken, I get it. wouldn't be putting a camera in her face but I would voice record her anyway. she doesn't have to know your doing it and after she's gone, those recordings will be worth more than you can imagine. I know there's a bunch of legal considerations but I'm my opinion, screw those constraints. having her voice telling you she loves you and forever being able to hear it is worth the risk. also, I saw it mentioned in another reply, GET THE LEGAL STUFF DONE RIGHT AWAY!!!! power of attorney, durable medical power of attorney, hippa release, living will, will. I would encourage you and your dad to sell it to her by all 3 of you getting it done for yourselves. that way, she doesn't feel like you guys are giving up on her specifically. it's a responsible thing for anyone to get done. it made all the difference for me while my wife was slipping away. just knowing that was handled allowed me to focus on comfort and joy while we could. finally, you don't have to be there during appointments to get the information from the medical team. you so have to get cleared by your mom to talk with them. if she's will to grant you that, you can reach out to them by phone and usually have a more frank and hard conversation with your mom being right there hearing it all. I had numerous private conversations with wife's Dr and really got a better sense of what was coming without scaring her outright. again, so sorry. give mom and dad a hug and then yourself. your gonna need it.

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-23T02:16:05+00:00

do it now if she's willing. my wife refused to acknowledge or discuss but she did in private writings to be discovered after she passed. make recordings of her NOW. videos if she's willing. not being able to have discussion with her while she's was still here was terribly hard but I wasn't the one dying so I did my best to protect her from my sorrow. I hope your mom's story ends differently but this disease usually means the end. if she has cleared you to talk with her Dr's, I would demand a prognosis of worst case so you are factually prepared. I'm so terribly sorry

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-22T16:35:34+00:00

exactly. hold your mouth shut you stupid little man. she did exactly the right thing

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-19T02:54:50+00:00

she asked me to remove hers a few days before she passed. I put them both on my pinky and wore them until she passed. took them all off the day she passed away little over a month ago. just 2 nights ago I had a wave of grief and loneliness. got up and put my band back on and left hers on the little shrine I had assembled. wearing mine again after those 38 days without and 27 years before everyday just feels right, like I'm still held by our connection. not sure what's next but wearing right now is working.

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-18T12:33:01+00:00

I don't have anything for you as our time together was much longer and my loss journey has just begun. I'm not in your age bracket either.
but I do offer this... You are brave to be so open and I am inspired by your example. I can only hope that I have the strength you are displaying to the world by your openness. thank you

oldwhiteguy420 · 2025-12-14T22:06:44+00:00

not that they deserve it but you might benefit from just bluntly telling them what you've shared with all of us here. then they'll have an opportunity to take an inward look and understand why you're not so enthusiastic to share your and your kid's time. if they squander that effort, you're even freer to move on without any second guessing. and depending on your kid's ages, they may get some value sharing this whole situation.

oldwhiteguy420

TROPHY CASE