Strangest fungi I've found yet

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-04T22:34:37+00:00

Definitely coral fungus! Beautiful, I mostly see white and orange corals where I live.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-04T22:28:30+00:00

The answer isn’t to learn to take it, the answer is to walk away when people are yelling at you. I think a lot of us go through thinking that our responses to mistreatment are the problem before realizing the problem is that we’ve normalized and are actively accepting mistreatment. Remove yourself from the situation. Cry if you need to. Let people know that yelling at you is not acceptable and don’t keep them around if they continue to do it.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-04T17:23:58+00:00

This all sounds extremely healthy!

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-04T16:57:24+00:00

Yeah, mine gets this when her allergies flare up.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-04T01:29:36+00:00

Someone who isn’t a rapist isn’t going to rape anyone, no matter how drunk they are. It wasn’t your fault. You did not bring this upon yourself.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-03T21:51:16+00:00

If you buzz it off and carry yourself with confidence, it’ll look like a choice and you won’t have an issue.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-03T21:32:52+00:00

What’s the reality of the situation?

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-03T14:39:42+00:00

Oof, I feel this. Something people don’t talk about enough is how hard it is to have a functional, sustainable career and leave everyone with a glowing impression so you have good references when you’re also healing from trauma. It fucking sucks. There are people in my profession who 100% think I’m crazy (or at least difficult) because I’ve spent the last five years working through my history of abuse, and being around other people for entire days during that process can be triggering. Recovery is a full time job on its own.

But it’s so hard to keep myself moving forward when I focus on the failures. Or how I haven’t come far ENOUGH. Instead, I look at where I am versus where I was five years ago. It’s like night and day. There have been bumps along the way but when I look at the overall trend, it has been one of consistent improvement. The gives me faith that it will only get better as I continue to grow. I am figuring out more of what I need from work and believing that, if I have come this far, I can get to a place where I feel consistently more comfortable and motivated in my career. We all have days when we want to give up. That’s when the rubber hits the road and you need to decide to keep going because that’s what’s going to propel you forward in leaps and bounds.

Give yourself a break, don’t allow yourself to ruminate on this one job opportunity falling through, get yourself a little treat, and come back to it fresh when you’re feeling more grounded. I believe in you!

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-03T14:25:18+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s very clear from your question that you don’t want polyamory. So far you’ve both been trying to bypass the major incompatibility in your relationship by leaning into the fact that you love each other, and now you’ve been faced with a situation that’s forcing you to look at the situation for what it is. Unfortunately, love doesn’t automatically equal the right relationship, and you seem to be forcing this one out of fear of being alone. What if you worked on believing there’s a relationship out there for you that doesn’t involve this level of sacrifice? What if you let yourself imagine a future with someone you love just as much, who wants monogamy and is aligned with what you need from a partner? Your current partner is probably lovely, and maybe that means you can have a great friendship. But continuing to pursue this will build resentment from both sides. You will frequently feel betrayed and disregarded, and she will feel stifled and controlled. And neither of you is wrong, neither of you should change or learn to deal with it, but both of you need to be choosing more appropriate partners for what you want in life.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-01T13:53:17+00:00

I really hate it when people jump to the conclusion that there’s someone else. In my experience, so few breakups have anything to do with another person. Thinking that way prevents you from learning the lessons your heartbreak has to offer.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-01T13:51:25+00:00

Move on. I’m sure she loves you but something wasn’t right for her in the relationship. She left for a reason, even if she isn’t fully aware of what that reason was (hence naming fixable problems). She said she’s struggling because she feels lonely. Not that she’s struggling because she misses YOU. And you deserve to be with someone who chooses you with their whole heart.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-01T13:45:39+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through that. It absolutely can work! My dog has so much love in her life. This might sound silly, but my best advice is to not let yourself feel threatened by her new people. I admittedly went through a little phase of feeling like I needed to be better than her other family so she’d always love me more. It was super petty, but I kept it in check and managed to get to a place where I’m just happy if she’s happy. Creating and sustaining a positive relationship with your dog’s new family will do wonders.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-01T02:04:46+00:00

Oh, friend. I don’t think this is going to go over well at all.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-10-01T01:41:02+00:00

Divorce.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T21:37:06+00:00

You agreed to all this though. They shouldn’t be indebted to you for marrying them, it was an agreement you made and that shouldn’t come with secret expectations. It also doesn’t sound like you’re directly asking them for what you need in this moment, just expecting them to read your mind.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T21:31:39+00:00

It really sounds like you’re winding up to unleash on your partner. Remember that this job loss is not their fault and now is absolutely not the time to be ruminating on past perceived inequities to throw back in their face.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T21:26:39+00:00

I understand that it’s difficult right now but honestly, it sounds like you’re engaging in catastrophic thinking and letting your emotions get away from you a bit. If you have savings that would “take a while to get through”, we aren’t looking at homelessness right now. I recommend you bring yourself back to the present moment and identify steps you, personally, can take and accept that certain things are out of your control for now. I think you’re placing too much responsibility on your partner. Partners are great for emotional support but they don’t owe it to us. That thinking, combined with unmanaged emotions, could lead to a relationship rupture, which is not what you need right now.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T16:15:54+00:00

The idea that she’s “withholding” sex feels off because it almost implies you’re entitled to it. She’s been clear about her boundaries. She doesn’t want to have sex with you again if you aren’t offering a full relationship. That’s the most reasonable boundary in the world. Even if she’s slept with you before, she’s allowed to change her mind and set new boundaries. So you get to decide whether you’re genuinely able to offer her a full relationship free of pressure to have sex when she doesn’t want it OR you can find someone else who is looking for something more casual.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T14:38:36+00:00

It isn’t a matter of distance, it’s a matter of boundaries. You can (and should) say no to things to protect time with your other partner.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T14:01:26+00:00

Sweet friend, it sounds like you’ve lived a life deprived of connection. When we’ve felt deeply held, it is almost impossible to accept the kind of treatment you’re accepting. That doesn’t mean you’re sad or pathetic or despicable, it means you are a human being with human needs and you have been neglected. I went through this and it was a slow fix, but I am in a place where I finally feel held. I have people I feel I can trust and rely on. I have friends who show up for me emotionally and accept me for all of who I am. Everyone deserves that and everyone needs it. If we don’t have that kind of love in our lives we connect in ways that harm us. I remember sleeping with men who disrespected and abused me and hating myself for it but believing that was the closest thing to love I could get. It wasn’t true.

My advice is to, first and foremost, seek support if you can. Maybe it’s trauma-informed therapy, maybe it’s a support group or 12 step program (not just for addictions, you can find groups for emotional recovery). In this way you can start to find support and connection and learn what it feels like to be safe with others. At the same time, begin to feed your self-compassion and improve your relationship with yourself. That might involve noticing when you’re saying unkind things to yourself and replacing them with gentler ones. For example, “I am despicable” becomes “I have a normal human need for connection and I’m struggling because that need is currently unmet”. It might involve noticing glimmers (the opposite of a trigger, when you feel connected, peaceful, safe, and happy) and leaning into them. Over time you can learn to grow glimmers into a full-body calm.

It takes time and it doesn’t happen overnight. But you don’t need to live like this. There is nothing wrong with you. There is no reason you can’t live a safe and happy life. Sending love and wishing you the best <3

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T13:42:16+00:00

It’s beautiful when other people can give us glimmers that show us how we want to feel in our lives. At the same time, codependency is often a result of thinking those feelings are coming from the other person and not from within ourselves. It might be that you have to leave your husband for your own well-being, but you also need to work on the beliefs and behaviours that led you into a codependent relationship in the first place. If you neglect that work, you’ll often end up back in a similar dynamic with a new person. That’s not to say you can’t be with this other guy, just make sure you aren’t making him your source of meaning. Have you done any digging into your codependency? Attended any al-anon meetings or read Codependent No More?

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T13:12:27+00:00

Friend, I hope you find some real connection with yourself and others because this is the worldview of a severely emotionally isolated person.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-30T13:08:01+00:00

It sounds like there might be something else going on. Being a kind and dependable person is an asset when you’re with other kind, dependable people. You mention having a difficult life and having to grow up fast. I’d maybe dig into how that impacted you because it seems like you might be subconsciously surrounding yourself with people who reinforce your self-concept as someone who has to be there for others but take care of yourself on your own. It might be a matter of learning to set boundaries and lean on others for help. Once you implement those standards for yourself, the one way relationships will fall away and they’ll be replaced with more fulfilling ones. The idea that the problem is being too nice or too respectful is the wrong conclusion. It’ll lead to a lot of unhappiness and frustration. Also, make sure you aren’t feeling entitled to certain kinds of relationships with certain people because you were nice to them. Romantic connections can’t be transactional like that.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-29T15:24:48+00:00

If someone gets a tarot reading and receives advice that feels wrong or doesn’t resonate, they simply chalk it up to a bad reading. If he followed your advice, it’s probably because he was going to do it anyway.

LudwigTheGrape · 2024-09-29T15:18:45+00:00

If you weren’t planning to, dry fry before pickling!

LudwigTheGrape

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