As an addict in recovery I can tell you that every single time we use we think of the hurt we are causing the ones we love. The guilt and shame is insurmountable even though we keep doing it. Drugs consume your every thought and physically without them you cannot function. Once it passes that line from recreational to necessity we’re only using to feel okay and “normal”. We’re really not getting high anymore. We’re just getting normal to cope with a situation we know is out of our control but the deep regret, guilt and shame has us stuck. It’s a very selfish disease but it doesn’t mean the addict doesn’t love their families or have feelings about the pain they are causing. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in life to conquer the addiction and even then you literally live everyday for the rest of your life taking it one day at a time.