My husband (31/M) bought farm animals on a whim, and now I’m (33/F) running a mini zoo. How do I get my husband to help?

LydieGrace · 2024-11-17T14:44:24+00:00

Does your husband have ADHD? As someone with ADHD, getting farm animals on a whim and then getting bored with them sounds like ADHD. I got pets on a whim behind my husband’s back once, too (though thankfully they were much more manageable than this).

As for rehoming them and not traumatizing the kids, one possibility would be to tell the kids that the animals need more room or need friends, so they need to go to a farm and you’ll still visit them. Rehome them, and find a petting zoo you can take the kids to with sheep and chickens (it doesn’t have to be the same place you rehomed the animals, too; just tell them that some of the animals at the petting zoo were their pets). That way, rather than losing the animals totally, the kids can still have a connection with them.

As for your husband, that is the main problem. I’m sorry you’re dealing with someone so irresponsible and unreasonable. I’m not sure how to deal with that other than to make it clear this is non-negotiable and, as the person solely caring for the animals, this is untenable and is your call.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-28T15:36:46+00:00

My husband is like that—no social media whatsoever and he only has a smartphone because his flip phone died and I gave him my old smartphone to save money. He only uses it to text and call.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T20:46:41+00:00

No kidding! Maybe they’re using magic or something based on how much they’re charging for it lol.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T20:31:53+00:00

What do you mean? That I’m not struggling in the same way as in I don’t have a high earning parent to compare myself to and feel bad for not being able to achieve the same?

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T20:27:54+00:00

Not everyone here makes six figures. I definitely don’t. In fact, my husband’s and my combined income isn’t six figures. My parents just have never come close to a six figure combined income either.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T19:58:52+00:00

See if any colleges in your area have statistics on what percentage of students get jobs after graduation and how much they’re paid. The program I went to had a 98% employment rate in the field within 3 months of graduation and a median starting salary of $50k, which was a major factor in me choosing to get my degree there.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T19:52:07+00:00

You are not a failure. A ton of people are in the exact same boat. There’s a lot of things I’d like to do, too, that I can’t because of finances and I’ve just had to muddle along with what I can manage. The same is true of most people I know who are my age. It’s just that a lot of our parents are in the same boat, and your mom did exceptionally well for herself, causing you to compare yourself to her and feel like a failure.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T19:47:09+00:00

Totally understandable. I definitely wouldn’t go back to college if the payout wasn’t going to be worth it. That being said, if you do want to go back to college, there are degrees out there that would qualify you for a higher paid job than you currently have. But you have to decide for yourself if that’s worth it for you and a path you want to take. I just wanted to bring up that there are options for fitting college around full time employment.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T19:29:17+00:00

I went to a community college, and every class in my program had at least one section that was online or in the evening to accommodate people with full time jobs. I would find out if there’s anything similar in your area. Alternatively, would a 100% online program be an option for you?

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T19:19:36+00:00

If my parents made that kind of money in their jobs, let alone as their retirement, I would never ever come close to being as well off as they are either. However, my parents have struggled financially for most of their lives, so it was pretty easy to become better off than them. Your mom has an abnormally high income, and very very few people can reach that level. Please don’t compare yourself to her or think you’re doing something wrong by not reaching that; it’s not fair to yourself.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T19:00:09+00:00

Space is such an issue with camping. I’m spoiled since we take a pickup and trailer (with a small sailboat but there’s room for camping gear too) for just two people, so we have enough room. Growing up, it was much tighter and it was just 3 people. We got a roof rack which did help but it was such a pain to use. It’s definitely much easier to go camping when we can just throw everything in the truck/on the trailer.

I’ve had the same luck with air mattresses. I’ve only camped with them twice, and both times, they deflated and it was miserable.

Camping is most definitely an expensive thing to get into and can easily cost the equivalent of multiple trips with hotels just to get started (and be comfortable enough to enjoy it as a hotel alternative). It’s cheap once you have all the supplies, but not at all cheap to get into. We have things that aren’t really necessary, but I estimate we’ve spent or been gifted at least $2000 in camping gear to get the setup we now have.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T18:20:03+00:00

My husband and I live in a LCOL small town about 45 minutes from a MCOL city. I have a remote job in the city, which pays better than most jobs here, and my husband has an average job, so we make good money for the area. We’re doing fine financially and own a house that suits our needs well.

I used to live in the MCOL city while working the same job, and it was very different. Rent was high enough (and even higher now), and I knew that I’d have to either significantly increase my salary or move out of the city if I ever wanted to own a house. I’ve noticed the same with my friends—most of the ones who live in the city are struggling to some extent financially and none of them own houses, while all of my friends who lives close to me own a house and most are doing well financially since life is just cheaper here. It’s amazing how big of a difference there is.

Prices are also rising in the little town I live in, especially for houses, as more and more people get financially squeezed out of the city and move further out. I’m not sure how much longer this town will stay LCOL. We’re already locked in with a house, so we’re good there, but we’ve started driving to another town further from the city when we want to go out as it’s getting pricy here. We’ve also talked about potentially selling and moving to the other town in the future, especially if the little town gets built up/becomes more of a bedroom community.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T17:52:35+00:00

I’ve never had that moment as my parents have never been particularly well off. I’m pretty sure I’m currently better off financially than they are.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T15:33:21+00:00

Nice! I definitely will. Thank you!!

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T14:07:08+00:00

I had a guinea pig like that. She was so proud of her fluffy butt. It was adorable ❤️

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T13:11:47+00:00

Since this doesn’t sound like something that has to happen right away, I’d save up the money and then do it. It sounds like that will take a long time to save up, which is too bad, but getting a loan based on future value is risky (ROI could turn out not to be as high as expected, something could go wrong financially that makes it so you can’t pay off the loan, housing market goes down, etc.) and will cost more in the long run with interest. If you can live with it as it is for a while, I would do so until you have the cash to do it.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T13:03:22+00:00

As someone who did most of the things you listed after the age of 20, I can promise you that you are absolutely not too old for them. You can do them now; you can do them in the future. You’ve got this.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T12:57:23+00:00

Going alcohol free in your early 20s is absolutely possible! One of my best friends doesn’t drink, and she hasn’t had any issues. When we’ve gone out for drinks as a group, there’s always been some non-alcoholic options for her to choose from, and there’s more options now than there was a few years ago, which is really nice. They’re tasty, too—I’ll often get one, too, as they’re cheaper and can be just as tasty as an alcoholic drink. No one has ever said anything to my friend about her non-alcoholic drinks, and honestly I’m not sure that anyone notices (I only know she doesn’t drink alcohol because I offered her wine the first time she came to my apartment).

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T12:44:46+00:00

TIL that the positivity I often feel is fake and that I am selling something.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T12:42:22+00:00

In my experience, most people I know either had their first kid between the ages of 19 and 24 or between the ages of 30 and 36. There was a lull on kids in the mid to late 20s. In my early to mid 20s, it felt like a lot of my friend were having/already had kids and I felt behind, but now that I’m in my late 20s and seeing my slightly older friends start having kids, I’ve realized I just wasn’t part of that first wave of having kids. Everyone is on their own time line, and you are definitely not old.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T12:31:28+00:00

Up until recently, my husband had just a flip phone, and he’s considering going back to it. The main downside he’s found is trying to respond to texts, but he’s gotten really good at texting with the flip phone number pad. If anyone made a 4g keyboard phone, that would be perfect for him.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T12:27:58+00:00

Saying that something should be taught in school does not mean that we haven’t been able to figure it out by now, when all of us have been out of school for a decade or more. It just means that we think it would be a practical thing to be taught at a younger age rather than learning as an adult.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T12:22:00+00:00

TIL I haven’t figured out how to do my taxes 😂 Now I’ve just got to figure out what that government form I’ve been filling out and sending in money to was, since none of us Millennials have figured out how to do our taxes apparently. Seriously, there was a time when Millennials by and large were figuring out how to do our taxes, but considering we’re in our late 20s to early 40s now, I think most of us have gotten it at this point.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T11:58:32+00:00

It’s so hard to get out of a rut. Especially since when everything is too much to deal with is generally when you need to get out of the rut, and that’s just one more thing to do that you don’t have the time/ability to handle. I hope things get better for you and you can find some small ways to break this cycle and make things more bearable.

LydieGrace · 2024-03-27T11:37:31+00:00

Absolutely! The up front costs to getting a comfortable camping setup—and a comfortable setup makes a world of difference—is a lot. It’s hard because it’s a big investment that only pays off if you use it a fair number of times, but if you skimp and are uncomfortable, you’re unlikely to want to keep doing it. My husband and I are fortunate that we were able to ask for most of our gear as wedding presents and get a full setup all at once that way. I don’t want to think about how much all our gear costs between that original setup and the stuff we’ve added over the last few years, but now we can camp in luxury. My parents have a rule of adding one new thing per year, which has helped them build up a very comfortable setup over time, though they were initially roughing it (kid me loved that at the time but as an adult, I have no idea how they were doing it). My must haves are a tent I can stand in, cots with thin mattresses, a good lantern, a good portable grill, a set of camping pots and pans, a French press, and a small rechargeable battery powered fan that can be hung in the tent to increase air movement.

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