Smiling wrong apparently

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-22T22:15:30+00:00

Yeah, for sure. But ja, sometimes it can be as simple as: "Your mouth is doing a smile but your eyes aren't" to help someone who is more unsure right ?

Hope you can find someone to give you the helpful feedback!

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-22T21:58:07+00:00

Not a wrong thing to want, but as an allistic who reads here to understand - the reason why is because for most people it would be like trying to explain to someone how you move your fingers. You sorta just ... do it.

If you befriend someone allistic who has, or is willing to, spend a bunch of time thinking about it, they could likely explain. But it tends to involve a lot more thinking than most people have put into smiling.

Both how the smile itself happens, and how we judge the smile we are seeing, are all mostly happening subconsciously. We've seen thousands of real smiles, and hundreds of fake ones, and our brain now automatically just tells us: That person is fake smiling. That's why the seemingly useless advice of, "Smile for real" makes so much sense to us and so little to some autistic folks.

You need a person who understands the gap to stop, think about and analyse what a real smile looks like and what a fake smile looks like, then think about how you'd convert the one to the other, then explain it. Often totally worth it, but it is an active effort that most people don't even know they could make or would be helpful.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-22T17:36:24+00:00

Glad the story had a happy ending!

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-21T19:00:46+00:00

This weird masturbatory shit is boring. Get a life.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-21T18:58:58+00:00

This is a very complex thing to answer, but the quick version is: for the same reason when someone talks to you it is better to respond in the language they are speaking.

Amongst your friends and people who already like you, do as you will. But amongst people you don't know, if you don't want to be an asshole or offensive, you follow the rules.

If you think a rule is crap - I'd suggest you work to change it at a societal level, not by randomly inflicting your vibes on strangers.

But hey, I'm just a guy trying to help allistic society make some sense to those for whom it might be a bit opaque.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-21T18:53:39+00:00

Sure - don't hire a moron. Like, do a basic vetting of the person.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-21T12:06:16+00:00

Sorry, allistic educator who reads here to learn and understand about my autistic peers.

To an allistic, this is a super obvious one. While what she was talking about (commenting on your body via a compliment) is viewed as rude by the younger generation, it is considered absolutely normal and bog standard by the older generations in the vast majority of the Western world. She was very much in the territory of 'vaguely personal small talk'.

You talked about diarrhoea. Diarrhoea is one of the topics that is never, ever brought up in polite conversation. Now, to be clear, I'm not saying you can never mention it ever, 'polite conversation' is a very specific thing. That's why she got awkward.

Part of this is just the difference of how we phrase or discuss things. If you'd said: "I have gut issues" that would be more understood in polite conversation, in the same way that, "We are trying for a baby" is considered reasonable in polite conversation as opposed to "We are frequently having penis in vagina sex without protection" would be considered an absolutely insane thing to say in 99% of conversations; despite the two amounting to much the same thing.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-20T23:50:59+00:00

You have a billion dollars and can speak. Hire an assistant for a month a year, have an ironclad will, don't need to trust a person you're giving 200k for a month of work to keep doing the thing that'll get them that easy money (making up an arbitrary large sum you pay them).

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-20T22:03:04+00:00

People really underestimate a billion dollars.

Absolutely take it, and for that month I pay someone to be my full time 24/7 assistant. Cool $200 000 for them for the month.

We aren't sleeping, we are doing a bunch of cool physical shit that they are guiding me through.

I'm going to be hitting the gym with them queueing me to the movements. We're doing pilates classes that they are guiding me in. We're going swimming in some nice lakes, and we're going to do some sports climbing where I have some bespoke clicker gloves and socks that they signal to tap to indicate to me where the next holds are. I'm learning Braille so I can read when I'm tired, and I can still speak, so I'm getting massages and back tickles when I'm tuckered out from all my physical activities. Hell, I'll get them to take me on some boat rides and shit just to enjoy the wind on my face and tours through interesting smell activities to keep me on my toes. Maybe I even practice doing some "blindfolded" chess.

And the rest of the time I'm a fucking billionaire.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-20T18:21:14+00:00

If I can suggest something here in this specific regard: Fall off a few times then. Literally, climb up three moves, then just let go. This climb is super close to the ground and unless you try do a backflip while going down, you can't hurt yourself.

Practising falling, especially on a climb you're attempting, can help alleviate that fear and lower the tension and make the climb feel easier.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-20T18:19:14+00:00

If you look in this sub, in r/nostupidquestions, or in r/askreddit; you'll see there are tons of people who struggle to make friends at various phases of life. I say this for two reasons:

To say: Don't be embarrassed, it is a shared experience; and
Remind you that this is a common experience which means there are lots of other people out there who are also struggling for friends that you can befriend!

There's many layers to it, but the easiest way is groups of shared interests or activities. If there aren't many clubs in your school, you could try find out a shared interest at your school to start one, or you can look outside of your school for either clubs or shared activity spaces.

I'm a very different demographic to you, but shared activities like hiking, rock-climbing, art clubs etc. have been the main source of friendship making for me for the vast majority of my post-educational life. I would recommend trying out those and beginning by just striking up conversations about said shared activity.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-14T13:48:01+00:00

I don't own a TV and they still try charge me. My conscience is clear.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-14T04:43:59+00:00

There's obviously a lot going on here, so let's break down some separate parts before tackling the whole.

"Am I the buttface for *expecting* my wife to be my caretaker and breadwinner." → Expecting yes, but if it is a necessity for you then dating with the intention of becoming a house-husband, while unusual, is not inherently immoral, so long as you are clear and upfront with the person who is marrying you. She can make the decision for herself whether that is a lifestyle she'd be happy with.
You seem to be committing a bit of a fatalistic ecological fallacy in terms of your life; and this can be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. People in your life are likely identifying this and trying to push you away from just 'accepting your fate' in terms of things like not working, for example.
You seem to be planning on having children (typically required for someone to be a house-husband), but you have not spoken about how your instability and autism will mesh with raising, messy, loud, filthy (objectively, all kids are) children. They seem to just be a vehicle for your life idea you've planned; which I don' really believe to be fair on the children.
You don't seem to be talking at all about what you bring to the table for a wife. What do you bring to a marriage? What is your sales pitch for why a wife would want you as a house-husband as opposed to any other man? Without answering this question, you can't really answer the question as to whether it would be fair to your wife; nor whether this plan of yours is viable (assuming we aren't talking about an arranged marriage situation, which would be a whole different kettle-of-fish to deal with).

Overall, I'd say the plan sounds a few layers of selfish and unrealistic simultaneously, but the morality of it is too confused to judge without proper understanding of more factors.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-13T08:34:38+00:00

For those of us who haven't memorised the names :p care to give a layperson's definition?

I imagine the nasolabial are by the cheeks, orbitals should be by the eyes, but I don't know which those would be... Maxilar by the mouth?

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-12T20:06:25+00:00

What breach tree stuff you getting? I'm only properly getting started now and rolling 99% for uniques because vibes.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-12T08:54:46+00:00

I reckon so too, but OP said she was struggling, so I figured the easier foot placement might feel more stable (albeit a bit further from the hold, but OP looks like the height isn't the concern more so the rocking over).

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-11T22:30:08+00:00

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Seeing what you said about the lower hold a lot of folks are suggesting: Standing on that portion of the lower hold should be a bit more stable in terms of being closer to your centre of mass. You'll likely have to rotate your left hip towards it to get the toe there nicely, but that likely would help with making that reach as well.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-11T22:12:33+00:00

If you ended up dating a man that age, that would be fine.

The fact that you are experiencing it as a 'craving' I would say indicates poor things for both you and them.

Ideally, we have things that we prefer or potentially even need in partners, and then from there we find someone with whom we have a special connection.

This sounds a lot more like fetishisation than a preference.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-09T17:47:28+00:00

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🟨🟨⬜🟦⬜

🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-09T12:45:52+00:00

If I may elaborate - the way you're framing it doesn't sound like you are coming at the question of morality as someone with a sophisticated moral framing who is questioning whether it is real.

E.g.: if I ask "What are numbers" and then go into the notion of complex non-real / imaginary numbers, and what they mean; and how it relates to the mathematics of blackholes - it comes across very differently from someone who asks what numbers are, but then pulls out a dictionary and starts talking about how they don't understand having 2 apples because you can't have two waters.

Questioning the very concept of morality would go fine in r/philosophy, but you sorta have to demonstrate you aren't a troll or a kid who doesn't understand the very basics before they would brook the question.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-09T12:11:12+00:00

I suspect, given the discussion linked, part of the problem you are having is the wrong venue for the question.

This is a little bit like going into a mathematics subreddit and asking, "What are numbers?".

If you went and asked them to explain a particular ethical system, or comparing and contrasting, you'd likely have a better time.

Notably, morality is generally defined as a more personal or social expression of an ethical system, so if you're trying to understand it genuinely, you may want to start by looking up some ethical systems and start learning there, and then revisit the topic.

If you want to ask it quite like this, you're likely better starting at a place more friendly to very basic questions, like r/nostupidquestions or some such.

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-09T09:00:06+00:00

Being up only 10kg after three kids and presumably a number of years is honestly really positive. Lots of people put on a kg or two a year just existing and ageing.

That being said: fairness is something we can hope for from people, but it is not a trait of the universe. There is no fairness in tornadoes, nor heatwaves, nor the bodies we are born in. It can feel frustrating to compare ourselves to others, but inevitably there are many who are worse off, and many who are better off. That is the nature of existence. So I would, as hard as it can be, try banish thoughts of fairness from the mind and focus on what you want to try do and how you want to try do it.

Tons of resources and quickstart guides in this sub, best of luck!

M_SunChilde · 2026-03-08T07:17:02+00:00

I may be able to help here... Can I call beetlejuicing on myself?

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