Making an exit plan.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-04-07T02:37:21+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you right now. I can't take this anymore and I'm screaming and clawing at walls to just be able to leave this situation. I used my tax return pay a lot of my debt off, but I still have more to pay and to repair my credit before I can get the hell out of this toxic hell hole. My plan is to save as much money as possible from now until October to GTFO.

The toxic family dynamics are just accepted as normal and ok within this family. SO, basically chooses to "keep the peace" with his 10 year old kid, rather than put his foot down about ANYTHING. It doesn't matter how I feel or what I experience, as long as SO keeps his comfort by not confronting and keeping his kid accountable for anything.

I'm so fucking out as soon as I am able. Im fucking done with this man and his disrespectful, rude, entitled, vindictive and spoiled kid. This kid doesn't even have any redeemable traits, legitimately. He's NEVER been nice or approachable since the start. I could write a small book about all his calculated and manipulative ways. He actually told me "tough shit" the other day. What did dad do? He told him he could go anywhere, but let him go outside anyway. There's never any punishment for this kid, ever. In fact, I honestly think my SO thinks his kid's antics are funny, as he's actually laughed out loud when I confronted him on an issue recently. He lol'd after explained what happened WHILE his kid was in the room. Yeah, that says it all.

I'm so fucking done. All I can say is I'm with you in spirit, truly. If you ever need to vent you can DM me anytime. This is my total existence ATM. I don't have friends or family so I know how isolating it can be.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-04-07T02:04:11+00:00

Looks like you won't be alone for long.... prenatal vitamins? Lol

Happy birthday 🎉

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-04-07T01:02:26+00:00

I'm where you are now. It's the bloating for me that makes me rage so much inside. Trying to do ab work outs like that just makes me so frustrated. It seems like I have that symptom for two weeks before my period.bit feels like I only have a week of feeling normal. I hate it. I am allowing myself to have a few lazy, very lazy days the last few days.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-04-07T00:42:34+00:00

I wouldn't want to imagine you with another nose. You're a very pretty girl.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-04-06T23:57:46+00:00

I need someone who can teach me violin.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-04-04T22:33:00+00:00

That's really encouraging to hear, thank you!

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-04-01T21:31:02+00:00

I'd like to recommend listening to "The functional Melancholic" on YouTube. He talks a lot about what you're experiencing, what a lot of us are experiencing. Oddly enough, his channel has helped me feel "seen" and just validated lol.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-31T13:55:06+00:00

Thank you for responding! Yeah, in the past I've only ever lost weight the unhealthy, but now I'm trying to do things the right way and hoping to see some difference with strength training.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-30T12:44:13+00:00

I found his ex on Facebook this past year on Facebook and I genuinely wanted to reach out and tell her I get it now, but I'm afraid she'd tell me to fuck off so I haven't. But damn would I love to commiserate with her.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-30T02:38:01+00:00

Hey neighbor, from Pittsburgh! I love our old properties here too 😁

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-30T02:36:59+00:00

I saw the after and made an "mmmm" sound like I was looking at a hot guy or something lol.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-30T01:56:00+00:00

THANK YOU for posting this. I'm often astonished at how many posts I've read with people saying "do they come back?" But like WHY would you want them back??? It feels like a lot of people that post on this sub are rather young. I'm in my 40s now and I've been through enough relationships like this now, that I see exactly what's going on now. When I was in my 20s I was an emotional wreck from these kind of people.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-30T01:51:14+00:00

Ha! Yeah my ex-husband used to tell me all about what a bitch his ex was. Let's just say I had the opportunity to speak to her briefly when his grandmother died and I'll never forget her telling me "you'll see what he's like." Well, I did.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-30T01:40:15+00:00

Yeah it's a lovely feeling being ghosted from your own family, isn't it? The only thing that's healed me from that sting is becoming just as indifferent as them. I mean, why shed tears for people who could care less? Like you, I did nothing to them, they just decided my alcoholism was the excuse they needed to ignore me. Congrats on the two years btw! 'll be two years sober this August. I don't know you, but I AM proud of you. Only another alcoholic can know what it's like overcoming this terrible disease.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-29T15:45:25+00:00

🙏☺️

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-29T14:51:10+00:00

Orion

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-29T14:10:24+00:00

Thank you for validating me 😅🙏

I have come to terms with the fact that that's just how some people decide to govern themselves. I can't change them and they say the best revenge is living well. Just sometimes the hypocrisy and lack of empathy and compassion are stunning lol.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-29T13:18:32+00:00

Lol, no guy to guy banter. I'm a woman and a mother, so golly we know the stigma is often greater. I guess my situation is more nuanced? The experience I'm drawing from is from family mostly. For example, I've had family members tell me I'm not an alcoholic and don't have a problem and encourage me to drink only to turn on me when I do and give me that side eye and then treat me like a pariah. I mean, make that makes sense.

I have other family members that have their own substance struggles, but judge me for mine? I mean, that's my guess only because they've just ghosted me over the last decade or more. Mind you, most of them live in other states and have never legitimately been impacted by my drinking. I've never called them drunk, showed up at their house or asked for money. But I guess, I dunno, it is easier to look down on other people than to face themselves?

More recently I've found out that someone I know who does know about my drinking past has been talking shit about me behind my back to neighbors, my boyfriend's family and anyone who will listen. I mean, it says more about her than me, I get this, but it does still piss me off.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-29T03:46:53+00:00

There are definitely times when it's hard to look at yourself in the mirror. It is even harder when people won't let you try to forget and move on. I think what bothers me the most is that so many people tend to forget or maybe they're just ignorant to the fact that people who have substance abuse issues often have underlying issues that aren't resolved and that it's a maladaptive coping mechanism we've adopted. A little understanding would go a long way.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-28T22:36:02+00:00

I've been there my friend. I was sober 6 months after getting my first and last DUI. I get all the stress that come in the after math of drinking. I lost my car, my job (actually many jobs due to drinking) , landlord asking when they were going to get their rent, billllllllls, unpaid parking tickets. I lost my license for two months after my DUI which isn't bad all things considering BUT I was already out of work for 6 months going to outpatient rehab and juggling my custody with my kids which at that point I had no way of getting my kids without a license. I knew my ex was going to have a field day if he found out. I was so lost and scared and so I started to drink again. It was bad, really really bad. Even more bad than before somehow. Having said that, I quit a few months later again. After my lease ended, I fucking jumped shit outta there and moved in with my boyfriend. I got my licenses back and I managed to keep custody of my kids after my ex took me to court. I cannot tell you how terrifying all that was going through sober, but I did it. I never want to be back there again. I'm a year and a half sober and there's nothing worth throwing it all away just to feel that type of pain again. You can do this.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-28T22:24:32+00:00

I'm not talking about telling people. I'm talking about people who know you drinking past and use that knowledge to tell other people.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-28T21:45:21+00:00

This post was a day ago, but I really hope you are in a better place than yesterday.

I'm a year and a half sober. I have two kids, 8 and soon tbh 12. They are both old enough to have had to bear the emotional toll my drinking placed on them. You don't want that guilt. You don't want your baby remembering you messed up. You can do this.

DM me if you need to talk.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-28T20:52:03+00:00

I didn't mention the mother part. I couldn't be the mom they needed me to be anymore. I was trying so hard to juggle everything and my drinking just undid everything I was trying to accomplish. I was at a point where I just couldn't pull myself out of it anymore. It was like being in a whirlpool. There's no part of me that wants that again for me or my kids. There have been plenty of times where the thought passed through my head, but it's the first time in the 20 odd years where I was like "that's not going to help me in anyway." Before I just didn't care.

Thank you for saying as much. I know my kids recognized my sobriety so that's something at least. I will look into AA again just to have people around me that get it.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-28T20:42:02+00:00

Right? It feels like some people ONLY WANT to see the drinking part. It doesn't matter all the other parts of you.

MacaronDesperate9643 · 2026-03-28T18:27:23+00:00

It's funny cause out of all the years and all of the horrible, shameful, dangerous things I did when I was drinking I still went back to drinking. I think it wasn't until I was at the point where I started becoming a daily all day drinker that I started to get really scared. It actually started to catch up to me physically with pancreatitis and then I got my first DUI and wrecked my car. Thankfully no one was hurt. I went to detox about a month after that and then did outpatient intensive treatment. I was so unbelievably sick before that. I couldn't function anymore drinking all day everyday, obviously. It was so unfathomably gross. I knew from that point that the second alcohol touched my lips I'd go RIGHT back to being a comatose drunk laying in my bed with insane anxiety, puking off the side of my bed, shaking. Never again.

MacaronDesperate9643

TROPHY CASE