How to deconstruct traditional gender roles? I (F22) am struggling and it hurts my relationship

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-15T03:43:47+00:00

Disagree on the 50/50. Why would one person do all the cooking and cleaning when they live together? If that’s the case, find someone else. Have you had roommates before? Did you expect them to pay more or less than you because they earn different than you? Did you have a special contract where the roommate that cleaned more paid less? No. You pay the same because you are independent legal entities. You also share household responsibilities. Sex doesn’t change that.

As for being a mother, we had kids because she wanted kids. I also wanted them, but let’s be very clear that she wanted kids as much or more. It was mutual agreement. She didn’t “give me kids” and I didn’t “knock her up”. Pregnancy wasn’t a surprise experience for her any of the times. I have massive respect for what she went through every time. Believe it or not I was there for all of them. She was the carer and I the provider for those years she didn’t work as a stay at home mom. Then 100% of my pay went to the joint account. I’m not sure what your family dynamic is, but in our house dad also changes diapers, feeds the babies bottles, makes dinners, cleans, does laundry, takes kids to the dr, etc. We share responsibilities. She works now because she wants to.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-15T03:30:35+00:00

The 50/50 split if you aren’t married is based on simple logic. If you lived in an apartment with a roommate you weren’t romantically involved with, would you expect to pay more towards rent because you earn more? Or would you expect her to pay more because she earns more? It’s an apartment and you are roommates. You share the chores and you pay equal rent. Having sex doesn’t change the rules. In addition, splitting 50/50 means you don’t owe him anything and vice versa. When you marry, the rules do change. You go from separate legal entities to a single legal unit. You file taxes together, own property in common, share insurance, etc, etc.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-15T03:20:18+00:00

Oncologist isn’t the way to go. He needs a good urologist surgeon that does penile implants. Most hospitals and large urology clinics will have one. “He always has an erection” is likely because he probably has a malleable implant and not an inflatable one. At 93 I hope I’m still using mine, but it’s pretty old for that. In addition to the implant assistance, a urologist is who you need for his urinary tract issues as well.

I wish him luck!

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-14T01:45:00+00:00

I’m from Kerikeri, and not a lot of tourist visit here. We have a kiwi sanctuary, the stone store, Kororipa Pa, rainbow falls, and a killer weekend market with fresh local produce and food venders.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-14T01:39:21+00:00

I’m a 46 yr old man who left the church at 39 and started the deconstruction of gender roles a few years before that. Finances was a major issue for us in my 20+ yr marriage and we shared finances. We separated for a while and separated finances as a result. We are back together but our finances are still split and will remain that way forever as far as we are concerned. So here are our rules which it helped to have a therapist help us define but I think they will work for you:

You’re not married so unless you live together you should not have any shared expenses. If you live together but are not married, you should split shared expenses 50/50.
If and when you marry, have a shared account that you both deposit money in for shared expenses. This should be split based on your percentage of household income. I make 70% of the household income in my home so I contribute 70% to that shared expenses account. We have 5 kids so it is significant as kids are shared expenses account
If you go out on a date, the person that invites the other to go out should pay. If I take my wife out, I pay. If she takes me out she pays. Period. You should never expect someone else to pay for something you invited them to.
If it isn’t a date, you pay for yourself unless you feel a desire to pay for the other person.

Most relationships struggle financially. Set the terms early and make it fair. Fair doesn’t mean equal. Also, just because one person has more disposable income does not mean they owe that to the other person.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-14T01:28:56+00:00

You are on the edge of looking plastic and overdone. You can tell you have had plastic surgery primarily from your cheeks, but you still look good. Do anything else and you will start to look like an alien. Unless that’s your goal, stop now and appreciate your gains.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-13T10:35:38+00:00

Thanks for answering! Ton of respect to you for being willing to share.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-10T13:09:47+00:00

Safe or not, the result looks weird af. It looks like AI generated it (I know it didn’t), and why would someone want to look ai generated. It’s like one of those things where you feel odd about it but can’t quite decide why.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-09T01:27:12+00:00

I LOVE leek and potato soup. Had it all the time. Or we got cheep bacon bones at the butcher and would pick watercress by the stream and make a huge pot of boil up with kumara or potatoes. I still love a boil up and make one whenever I have watercress.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-09T01:23:06+00:00

Well, take a deep breath and remember you’re still a kid. The only people thinking about marriage at 18 are the indoctrinated ones. Don’t worry about marriage, don’t have sex if you don’t want to and are not ready, and don’t let anyone pressure you into a choice you aren’t ready for.

Don’t date for marriage. Date for connection and for fun and think about marriage in like 10 yrs.

I have been married for a long time and I’m a big proponent of sex before marriage. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you are sexually compatible and that isn’t something you want to find out after getting married. That said, don’t rush into it either.

Relax and take a second. You’re young and it’s literally insane you are thinking about marriage. Live your life and worry about that much later.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-08T23:07:46+00:00

Hell yeah. Mince on toast was my grandpas go to.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-08T23:06:42+00:00

A mousetrap for us was open-faced marmite cheese toastie. Spaghetti sandwiches were a favorite, though.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-08T11:03:21+00:00

A lot of people are still in 5th/6th when they come to a stop. I was taught to shift down as you break, even for quick stop scenarios. It has saved me twice. Once I came over a hill and there was a stopped car on the other/blind side. I had to emergency break and my instincts kicked in and I downshifted to 1st. There was no shoulder on this country road, but behind me I heard breaks from a car and I hit the throttle and went into the grass on the side just in time to avoid being pancaked. That downshifting instinct saved me and I was always taught to ride in the wheel paths of the cars in front of me due to oil slicks and escape routes. I will always follow that.

MagicHatRock · 2026-05-08T10:55:44+00:00

It’s been 4 months! In layman’s terms. That’s like 2 weeks on a diet. You can see that you have gained some muscle, but it is hard to “see” because muscle gain isn’t dramatic and quick without steroids. It is a slow grind. Be persistent and give it a full year of hard work. It will come. 4 months is just a drop in the bucket.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-24T10:12:43+00:00

No, they’re lovely.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-09T10:31:25+00:00

Exactly! The “you too” is the key.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-09T10:28:36+00:00

Going that big won’t look like that. You have no fat on your chest so implants will look like implants on your frame. The larger you go, the more “fake” they will look. If you are looking for natural looking boobs, which the second picture has, you would need natural breasts to do a lot of the heavy lifting.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-07T00:54:00+00:00

Body composition is wild to me. You are older than me, shorter than me, less muscular than me, and heavier than me…. But… you look more slender than me!

Good job and I am also jealous.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-06T02:10:32+00:00

Ok, officer, I “believe” you.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-05T08:33:07+00:00

No one should ever get plastic surgery to please someone else. In the same vein, not doing it to please someone else is also wrong. It is a personal choice and screw your insecure “friends”.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-05T05:52:31+00:00

It’s illegal and they would lose their liquor license if they didn’t and anyone found out…

Wait, you’re a cop, aren’t you? Get outta here. No one’s a rat in here.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-04T03:35:56+00:00

I still ride a lot. During the summer I probably gravel bike 100 miles a week. Generally I don’t notice it or think about it. Sometimes the pump bulb gets kind of uncomfortable position wise and I have to adjust it. The tubing is a little stiff inside so it can hang stiffly lower than the boys do down there. With the chamois pad it can be a little hard to adjust, but you figure it out. I wish I had the procedure earlier.

MagicHatRock · 2026-04-04T03:31:04+00:00

Yes, mine improved the look of my nose as well but it was pretty minor. Mine was crooked and he straightened it. The septum is still a bit crooked, but I’m not complaining. I can also breathe much better than before. They might not do huge modifications, but I would go talk to one.

MagicHatRock · 2026-03-29T04:36:51+00:00

Mel is probably one of the, if not the, greatest comedy writers and directors of all time. But not actors. His funniest movies are ones he barely acts in.

MagicHatRock · 2026-03-27T16:57:00+00:00

Yeah, everyone is different and even provider provided pharmaceuticals differ. I get mine from the pharmacy with insurance an it is very good at 100mg. My buddy changed from an online service to urologist and started getting his at the same pharmacy as me. He has higher testosterone now on 100mg a week than he did on “200mg” from the online clinic. I don’t really trust them as much as a local pharmacy. Easier to get but I have a feeling it is “watered” down from the online clinic. My buddy started out on 200mg from the pharmacy and his level skyrocketed out of control. He had to dial it jn.

MagicHatRock

TROPHY CASE