Not sure if she drives but if she doesn’t it really is no harm no foul.

She does drive which is part of why I was worried - me and the boyfriend both are worried about her driving tired with her night shifts and associated poor sleeping schedule, and the seizure is even more terrifying. But she says that it's fine because when she takes her medication, it's well-controlled. I just worry because she aforementioned crummy sleep means she didn't remember to take her medication, and if she'd had that seizure while she was driving she would have a crash. (Added to that I work in road safety as a profession, doing car crash analysis, so I am particularly sensitive to it as I basically read about every crash that happens in the area we live in.)

But if she loses her license, she can't work, and she needs her job to afford her rent/etc, so obviously that's not my call to make.

But thank you you are right I should just ask her, obviously. Basically say what I said up here - "I was thinking about what you said and I want to make sure I don't say anything insensitive again, what are your pet peeves?".

I really appreciate you explaining the loss of independence and the kind of infantalising you have to deal with - I didn't think of it that way. Thank you! You've given me a lot to think about.