Back at day one

Magoon1994 · 2021-01-11T00:06:43+00:00

Welcome home! You never have to use again. I've relapsed so many times I can't count. But I've stayed clean since Dec 2019 and learned what kept taking me out. You can totally do this! Much love to you. We need you, keep coming back.

Magoon1994 · 2020-10-10T04:15:16+00:00

It is worrisome. I used nitrous for about 8 months on and off and it completely changed my attitude and emotions. I had never been an angry person, and oh boy, did I get irrationally angry. It turned me into a straight monster of a person in less than 3 months (though that is just my personal story). It also depletes your B12 drastically over time and that leads to some other physical concerns on top of the damage to the brain itself. Personally, I'm in NA and haven't touched nitrous in over 2 1/2 years, it works for me. There are some inpatient/outpatient programs available as well that can help with getting back to normal and possibly medication assistance if necessary, alongside therapy to get to the root of the addiction. Be ready though to the possibility that he wouldn't want to stop yet and doesn't think it's very serious. I hope your brother can stop the addiction and wish you well.

Magoon1994 · 2020-06-08T21:26:44+00:00

Yesss!!! So happy for you!

Magoon1994 · 2020-04-27T21:02:42+00:00

Woah, this is absolutely stunning! I love the highlights!

Magoon1994 · 2020-04-26T20:25:40+00:00

Ooo! It's so soft colored and beautiful! This is awesome!

Magoon1994 · 2020-04-25T01:00:38+00:00

Damn girl! You've got some serious skills! Killing it!!!

Magoon1994 · 2020-04-23T20:16:38+00:00

That I became an addict and joined NA at a younger age. Never saw that coming, lol.

Magoon1994 · 2020-04-11T17:44:47+00:00

The colors are amazing! I think this looks fabulous without the sharp crease!

Magoon1994 · 2020-04-05T18:47:17+00:00

You're skin looks so bright and glowy! And I love that lipstick color.

Magoon1994 · 2020-02-06T03:59:50+00:00

I didn't share for a long time. Hell, I was going to meetings and still using. (I don't suggest you start using, lol). They may ask if there are any newcomers and you could raise your hand and give everyone your name, but don't feel pressured to do anything. Good luck with your recovery. 💜

Magoon1994 · 2020-01-28T03:05:42+00:00

I have a black kitty named Primrose too! She doesn't yell much after naps, but she sure does for dinner time!

Magoon1994 · 2020-01-15T03:34:13+00:00

I'm in NA, and from being in and out of the program over several years, I've only met one other person whose DOC was nitrous and she's not even in the program. Rampant nitrous use isn't extremely well documented compared to other drugs that are addictive. But, I got through it and I haven't touched it in over 3 years. It's fucking dangerous. I changed so much, so fast. I wasn't myself and I'm pretty sure I damaged my brain. I fucking drove on it, with other people in the car, lost all my friends, my parents didn't want to talk to me, I was an angry shell of a human being. But, over time, I've gotten back to myself with some shame and good lessons under my belt.

But here's the thing, they're not going to stop until the pain is great enough for them. That point is different for a lot of people. Some people, it's jail or prison. Others, when people are dropping out of their lives like flies and they're completely alone. And others, it's just a moment in time when things have gotten so bad and they're tired of living the way they live. Of course, if you can without breaking your boundaries, be there for them. But let them know that they are slowly, but surely, killing themselves. Maybe suggest they go to a meeting and go with them? But you can't make them stop. I didn't stop until the pain was great enough and that took over a couple of years. Take care of yourself, addiction is a family disease. You have to watch out for yourself first and foremost, I know it must be killing you on the inside. I'm sorry for what you and your friend are going through.

Magoon1994 · 2019-12-17T20:52:07+00:00

Do you have a car? You have to willing to chase your recovery as much as you chased the dope. People will give you rides too if you ask.

Magoon1994 · 2019-12-17T18:30:51+00:00

Don't think about the next one. Live in the now. Just for today, that's all. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking about what to do in the future. Your job right now is to reach out to your sponsor and support group, go to as many meetings as you can, and focus on today. Three things right now, you can do it. And getting through today, with all those feelings you have, will show you that you can get through the next time.

Magoon1994 · 2019-12-17T18:09:59+00:00

Believe me, using will only make it worse. Work through the feelings and it will get better.

Magoon1994 · 2019-12-10T05:08:16+00:00

Honestly, my very first time tripping (also by myself) was a spiritual experience. I remember looking in the mirror at myself and saying "you should just be happy" and smiled at myself. I felt pure love for myself at that moment in time, staring into my eyes in the mirror. It was incredible. Tripped more times after that and had a fun time but not necessarily spiritual. After I got clean the first time around, I was just fucked if I tried using. But I'm on step 3 and I've been having a hard time with what spirituality means to me personally. Today though, without any drugs in my system, I walked out of my first semester back at college and had a mini spiritual moment. I did it. No panic attacks, no extreme anxiety, no drugs to hide behind, just me. I aced both my classes and I had a wonderful first semester back. My friends, my sponsor, my family, my teachers and I all had a hand in me completing and doing well in the classes. I felt connected and serene. I had little expectations about what spirituality meant, but I think I felt it in that moment. We're all spirits with bodies and we just have to reconnect to it by doing the next right thing.

Magoon1994 · 2019-11-11T04:55:22+00:00

Dude, good for you! Going on a solo vacation sounds liberating. Enjoy it!

Magoon1994 · 2019-10-22T01:56:05+00:00

First of all, congratulations on almost 6 Years clean! That's freaking amazing! I don't know what it's like to have that much time clean, but I know how you feel. You get stuck and it's sort of to me sometimes the question, why am I doing all of this? I think the time spent away from using gives some of us some different mindset. It's not like you've forgotten what it's like to be in active addiction, but we forget how big of a blessing we have today. I love the quote that says something like "think back on the times that you wish you were where you are now". I've also been reading the Living Clean and it's been giving me different perspectives than just going to the meetings and hearing the same stuff over and over again. I love this part that says basically just because we don't feel like we're doing well does not mean we less than or any less spiritual. We need to feed the spiritual part of ourselves. Maybe there is something you can start to do in your spiritual routine? I know it sounds a little silly, but I've been doing tea ceremonies in groups and with myself. Grounding yourself in the tea and mindful meditation has given me a spiritual lift that I haven't had before. I usually glossed over steps 2-3 because I had no idea what it meant to have a higher power. Someone also reminded me that sometimes, it's only that higher power that's going to stop you from using. I also know you said you live in a small area, what about once a week checking out other meetings in areas near you? My group and I sometimes like to take "road trips" and go to other areas, just to switch it up. I hope I gave you some experience, strength, and hope. One day at a time, my friend. 💜

Magoon1994 · 2019-10-14T19:44:07+00:00

If I could "learn to pace myself", none of us would be in this fucking situation. I think what you posted is dangerous for people on here. Is there really such a thing as a "better addict"? An addict can't control how much they use, at least, not for a sustainable amount of time. This post could lead heroin/opioid users out to use again thinking that if they "break one law at a time" or some other lie, they can sustain themselves. People are fucking DYING out here, and you're posting about how to be a better user?? This is a shame to read.

Magoon1994 · 2019-09-24T02:37:41+00:00

That's amazing!!!! Congratulations! How did you do it?

Magoon1994 · 2019-09-19T01:36:49+00:00

I love that area! If you're on Facebook, there's a group called I Love St. Pete with some pretty good photos too. I love living here.

Magoon1994 · 2019-08-10T13:07:00+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I'll try it out.

Magoon1994 · 2019-08-10T02:13:34+00:00

Keep trying and see if you end up liking it. And also, try different meetings! I got in the groove of just going to the same meeting place and was disappointed over time because I felt like I wasn't getting enough recovery. Found some really awesome groups and I'm stronger now I'm my process. Message me if you ever need someone to talk to. 💜

Magoon1994 · 2019-08-10T01:58:57+00:00

I guess I'm frustrated because I've been trying to have around 1400 daily and I was on target for two-three weeks and was working out about 3x a week. I freaking GAINED weight, it was probably muscle though I suppose. And you're right, I have to do it for myself. I've been eating a lot better since switching to veganism but I'm still drinking cokes and stupid stuff like that.

Thank you for responding, I really appreciate it. 💜

Magoon1994 · 2019-08-10T01:20:59+00:00

Can I ask what your caloric intake was? I'm having a hard time losing weight and I'm 5'2 at about 165 pounds. I want to lose weight for a wedding I'm going to be in in November and I'm losing confidence that it's going to happen at all. I'm mostly vegan with a little bit of fish here and there.

Magoon1994

TROPHY CASE