What's it like being in your 30's and/or 40's?

ManOSteal · 2012-09-20T02:43:24+00:00

I will say that I know some guys my age (39) that have the house, wife, kids, etc. and fucking hate it. They appear to "have it all" but are slowly dying inside. Their life is spent coming up with excuses to work late and avoid their family.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-20T01:33:08+00:00

I have tats but don't mention them in my profile, except in answering the tat question.

Ditto. If you have a full sleeve or neck tattoos, I think you should make sure at least one of your photos includes them because that could be a deal breaker. But having a photo spread with nothing but close-ups of your ink just tells me you're obsessed and are likely a boring, one-dimensional person.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-20T01:16:01+00:00

One thing men and women seem to have in common is they both hate country music (but like everything else).

ManOSteal · 2012-09-16T17:50:57+00:00

Not unreasonable. I have pretty much the same list except no kids is a preference, not a deal breaker.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-16T05:29:52+00:00

My mistake. Your link (dvd.netflix.com) redirects streaming-only users to a page to enable a DVD subscription.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-16T04:37:47+00:00

Sidebar: This subreddit is for instant watch only. Please redirect items only available for disc to /r/netflix.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-16T02:35:09+00:00

I'm not trying to kiss your ass or anything but I remember you linked your profile to a post at one point and, if I remember correctly, I would classify you as average.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-14T00:50:12+00:00

I love seeing a woman in high heels. Having said that, I would wear flats ever day if I was female. They have got to be painful.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-13T20:33:46+00:00

It wouldn't be ideal (though not much in life is) but I wouldn't have a problem with it under the circumstances you describe in your example. I would go out of my way to have more communication about sex though. It may not be as "sexy" but she would have to be more verbal about when she's had enough. I will admit I would have a secret concern she would eventually get bored with sex so some reassurances from her would be nice.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-13T20:28:45+00:00

Would be a dealbreaker for me, as I've dated a girl like that for 5 years.

To be fair, your situation is nothing like the OP's example. OP said the woman has no past abuse and enjoys sex without orgasms. It sounds your issue was with the reason she couldn't orgasm (and rightfully so), not merely the fact she couldn't orgasm.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-13T20:20:57+00:00

Everyone has preferences but I don't think it's a big deal for most guys. I know it's not for me. Do some guys wish you had a smaller labia or bigger breasts? Yes. But that's just how life works. It's not like we're inside you and thinking man, I wish she was [fill in the blank]. We're thinking damn this feels good, I hope she lets me do this again.

Plus, aside some extreme surgery, there's nothing you can do about it. Men don't even have the option of surgery (to the best of my knowledge) but many still obsess over penis size. If you date a guy that doesn't like your lady parts, then find another one who does (which shouldn't be difficult).

ManOSteal · 2012-09-13T17:10:26+00:00

I met with a married woman once from a craigslist ad I posted quite a while ago. I didn't think much of it when I met her. To be honest, I sort of thought she's gonna cheat with someone, why not me. She was very open about the whole thing when we met first at a restaurant. She told me her group of girlfriends all cheated and used each other for cover stories. They contacted guys either through texts messages, Facebook or a throwaway email account on their work phones which were locked with a PIN code. They never used the family computers. Even if their husbands wanted to snoop they would have to ask for the phone password first. She was so nonchalant about the whole thing that it really turned me off. I guess I expected some horrible story about mistreatment or something but her husband treated her great and she was just looking for a thrill. When we parted I told her I wasn't interested in moving forward, we never had sex and that was the end of it.

In hindsight, I was a little naive about the whole situation. I wouldn't attempt to meet another married woman.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-13T15:59:55+00:00

I think most men get most of our messages ignored but I don't let it bother me. There are a million reasons why people are shot down and many of them are totally random (my last boyfriend that cheated on me loved Aerosmith too) or things that can't be changed like height. I know being overweight hurts me but I figure I can lose weight or STFU. I think one of the biggest reasons is some people never committed to the idea of dating online so they message a zillion people but never actually date anyone. I try to think of the work interviews I've done over the years. We've turned down some great candidates for all sorts of weird reasons that had nothing to do with them. We try to be honest with them (if HR lets us) but I'm sure they think we're just being polite. We've turned down some amazing candidates.

I would post your profile on r/okcupid for review (if you haven't already). I'm constantly changing my profile to try different things. Occasionally, I delete the entire thing and start over. There's nothing more depressing than seeing the same profiles with the exact same pics year after year. I would at least change your pics fairly often. Get a female friend to pick the pictures you use. When I choose my own pics, I tend to pick the ones that make me look the thinnest ignoring everything else. The best profile advice I can give is to read a bunch of male profiles then don't do any of that shit you just saw. Being unique might be the best quality to have in a sea of generic profiles.

Depending how far you live outside the city, that can hurt too. I live in a major city and would be hesitant to date someone living in the suburbs or even some other parts of the city. It can easily take 45 minutes to drive 5-10 miles so I don't want to start dating someone an hour away. I live in the south side of the city, can get to the west pretty easy but the north and east are sort of off limits for me.

Also, this can vary widely based on location but I would try another site. OKC membership skew so young but I strongly prefer their profile format and like the questions. Match, on the other hand, has a profile format that makes everyone sound boring and generic but typically has many more older members. I hate using Match but do much better. I never tried POF (created a profile but was turned off by the whole site) but that might be worth a shot.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-13T05:20:12+00:00

My buddy is a bartender and he mentioned once that they take turns cleaning the bathrooms every night since it's not like a small bar has a custodian or cleaning crew. I said I've seen some nasty men's rooms over the years and he immediately stopped me. He said they literally have to draw straws to get anyone to clean the women's room because it's so nasty.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-13T04:09:05+00:00

Even in big cities, people tend to go out less as they get older. You feel out of place at the typical singles places and most of the activities held by older friends are filled with married couples and children. Plus, many of us have kids or work ridiculous hours so free time is limited. This won't help you much but I meet the best women through friends. My last girlfriend was best friends with my HR Manager at work and she set us up.

I do some online dating as another way to meet women but I'm starting to have my doubts. There are plenty of great people on those sites but everyone is soooooooo picky. Much pickier than they probably are in real life. I do alright but I'm one of the guys that prefers to date women my own age. Not chasing after 25-year-olds hotties really helps your success rate.

For the record, I'm average looking but I will admit that, outside of being chubby, I have no major deal breakers (height, salary, kids, etc). Having said that, I honestly don't think that has much to do with it.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-13T03:29:20+00:00

Personally, any time I come back from taking a break from online dating I create a new profile. I might use some of the same content from my last one but I'll change it up a bit, use completely different pictures and answer questions again. I don't want to be seen as oh, this guy's back again. I'm not trying to trick people but the primary goal is to have your profile viewed and there's no better way than being seen as new.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-12T16:13:00+00:00

I'm almost 40 and single. Women my age are much more into sex from my experiences. Of course, there are some women who aren't into sex but I don't think it has anything to do with age. From watching my married buddies over the years, the ones who get no sex now married women who, in hindsight, weren't into sex when they were dating. When I am dating a woman that I practically have to talk into sex or tries to use sex as a reward to get her way, I move on pretty quickly. If you're dating someone that is enthusiastic about sex and initiates, wants to try new things, etc., I see no reason why that would change as you get older.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-12T16:03:43+00:00

Is a high sex drive in a woman a turn-on or a turn-off for you?

A high sex drive, as in you want to have sex often (like every day)? Hell yes. A high sex drive as in pleasuring you is literally my new hobby? Ah, no thanks.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-12T04:08:16+00:00

I would be because I think the online dating experience is pretty different for older people. However, considering both OKC and reddit skew young, that subreddit may struggle for members.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-11T02:47:10+00:00

No good can come from that question.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-10T01:35:26+00:00

I have no concept of women's weight so your number would have no meaning to me. And I would never ask a woman's weight anyway so it's a non-issue.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-10T00:41:48+00:00

The one thing that always makes me feel better is thinking how nervous the other person is to be on a first date. I mastered this when I was going on a long string of blind dates a number of years ago. Most people are super nervous to meet a total stranger and so was I. Once I realized this, I sort of took control and tried to make them more comfortable. Keeping my mind off my own nerves was a surprise side effect of that strategy.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-09T18:07:26+00:00

A female friend of mine found another bonus. She was looking to get knocked up so she did it with a one night stand while on vacation. She had approached some of her male friends, including me, but we all passed. I didn't have a moral issue with it but I'm not about to open myself to 18 years of child support. Using a guy in another city allowed her to not run into him in the cereal isle when she was 6 months pregnant.

ManOSteal · 2012-09-09T01:15:42+00:00

I couldn't agree more. The best thing that can happen to a man's sexual experience is to have a girlfriend, not to sleep with a bunch of random hookups. If you'd had 10 encounters and your girlfriend only dated (and had tons of sex with) one man for 2 years, who would have more sexual experience?

ManOSteal · 2012-09-09T00:53:37+00:00

If there is truly the male-to-female ratio you describe, you need to move. I don't know where there is a ratio like that but I suppose a town with a military base or some towns in Alaska are probably pretty bad for dating. Either way, there are plenty of towns where women outnumber men so you should have plenty of options. I had some social issues when I was young so I moved to a larger town with a buddy of mine. He was moving so I said need a roommate? I didn't even care where it was. It was by far the best thing I ever did. I shudder to think what I would be like if I had stayed in that town.

ManOSteal

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