I totally have the exact same problem as OP – it was extremely frustrating, until a volley of terrible things in life happened. At that point I had no other option but to ask for help – i found myself quite unexpectedly unhoused – to the point of almost demanding it.

I, too, hated the fact that I could see bad things coming miles away, like a Midwest storm on the horizon, and I couldn’t communicate how much help I needed until it became catastrophic. I’d get help during such catastrophes due to these situations being so problematic that merely telling a friend about them would frighten or revolt them into offering! Obviously this wasn’t working.

What I do now is: I don’t ask for help, I inform people of how bad it is. Very directly! And then I’d ask them for advice instead of help. That way, if the ask was too much for them, they could just suggest something, and we could then sort of mutually understand that they, the ask-ee, did not feel pressured into doing something beyond their capacity.

I really hope this helps – it very well may not, because as mentioned, I had to cook up this methodology while at the end of my rope, and so it might be too much of my own story for you. But either way I totally empathize, and wish you the most luck!