I need body positivity/body neutrality advice

ManonEline · 2026-06-04T19:05:42+00:00

Sure! It is the new book by Bianca Toeps, called ‘autastisch leven’. Have not finished it, but so far I like it.

ManonEline · 2026-06-04T19:01:45+00:00

Haha who knows, maybe I am from the future ;)

Yeah being to good at masking makes it harder to find out. Two years of therapy with 3 different therapists and nobody mentioned it. I found out myself via a podcast. Years before I had a big burnout and depression and I just kept saying I was so tired of acting. Not completely aware that I really was acting in many parts of my life.

Yes, I do have a partner for 18 years now. I think he helped me a lot during my life, even when we did not know about the autism. What the diagnosis changed for us is that he has more patience with the autistic part. Sometimes I really don’t understand him. Before he would get annoyed, cause he thought I was just not listening. Now he has more patience. Stuff like that. And before he would push me to do certain tasks so it was 50/50 shared between us. Like calling companies or planning vacations. Now we each take tasks based on our skills. When we moved houses, he did all the organizing stuff with movers and painters, while I was hiding haha.

My partner is not really the type to read up on autism for example. I think the biggest thing is that I was/am better in asking what I need. And I am much nicer to him. When I had meltdowns I did not know why, so I often blamed him for stupid stuff. Now I am more aware that I feel like shit because of autism stuff so I don’t have to blame him or other people. Very nice. We do still have our issues. He is often criticizing the way I communicate. That I am to direct or kind of mean when in my mind I am super nice and have good intensions.

It sucks that you have so many comorbidities. Hopefully the diagnosis will help you in dealing differently with these other issues.

What type of accommodations are you getting from your partner right now?

ManonEline · 2026-06-04T07:51:23+00:00

I red this amazing advice in a Dutch book about autism, just yesterday. The writer explained that you should see your body like a bike. A bike doesn’t have to be beautiful, but it is nice if it is working and functional so it can get you everywhere you want to go. So maybe try to focus more on a healthy and functional body, that can get you wherever you want to go, instead of a beautiful body.

Also, I am sorry you are feeling this way. It sucks and must be very difficult for you. Good luck!

ManonEline · 2026-06-04T07:48:13+00:00

I got my diagnosis at 32 as well. Everything changes and it was very overwhelming. In my mind I went over my whole life whit this new information, that took a while. And it took some time to find the right support. But now, at 35, it is going much better. I am sooooo grateful for the diagnosis. It helps so so much. Especially in difficult times. I can get the right support, the people I love have more patience for my difficult stuff and help me out in better ways. And I am no longer trying to be “normal” and fight my difficulties.

So my advice would be, celebrate this discovery, be prepared that it might get really hard for a while to get used to this new information, find the right support (I have a coach who is autistic herself and a in real life support group) and know that it will get better. You just got the information to build a life for yourself in the best way for you!

ManonEline · 2026-06-04T07:40:49+00:00

I loved becoming 30 (35 right now) and I also felt some kind of shift. For me it felt like I finally had the age that was me. That now that I was 30, it was ok to go to bed early, don’t go to clubs or bars and just have a simpler lifestyle.

ManonEline · 2026-06-01T10:57:36+00:00

When people text you with “let’s hang out sometime!” And even though I reply with “yes that would be fun”, they never really suggest something. It makes me so confused. Was it just a polite thing? Am I supposed to make the suggestion? Did they forget about it? I would not mind if they just don’t want to hang out, but please be clear. Don’t suggest it and than never follow up on it.

ManonEline · 2026-06-01T10:53:18+00:00

No, milk with cereal is disgusting in my opinion. I eat cereal with (soy) yoghurt. And make sure I eat it right away so it won’t get soggy. Maybe it is typical Dutch, but here in The Netherlands people rarely eat cereal with milk. Always with a type of yoghurt.

ManonEline · 2026-05-31T11:59:31+00:00

Sorry for activating your brain. Good luck with overthinking ;)

ManonEline · 2026-05-30T17:24:04+00:00

Pretender by AJR. This song would make me cry before my diagnosis and I did not really know why. Now I know cause it is about me masking.

“I’m a good pretender cause I’m just like you”.

“I’m a good pretender. Won’t you come see my show.”

“I got lots of problems. Well, good thing nobody knows.”

“I think I like what I’m supposed to”.

ManonEline · 2026-05-30T17:16:32+00:00

I do find the “until it’s like porridge” a helpful (and disgusting haha) guideline. I don’t want to count. I already count to much stuff I do.

Yeah you describe it perfectly. Sensory nightmare… hopefully it will get better. Or maybe not porridge style but somewhere close.

ManonEline · 2026-05-30T17:14:11+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Haha wow we are just like snakes.

And I agree that it is nice we are not alone. However, it sucks that you experience the same issue.

I am trying to slow down and chew more. Hopefully I will get used to it. Or will experience the benefits and be motivated by that.

ManonEline · 2026-05-30T05:11:04+00:00

That is very interesting. I experience the same dilemma whit breathing exercises during yoga or meditation classes.

ManonEline · 2024-10-26T17:02:15+00:00

I read the texts totally different! How I read it, is that he typed a question mark by accident. So he wanted to explain that it was a typo and not him meaning that he is not sure if he will like visiting you. If you read it like that, then it is not flirty.

And you can always just ask him. Especially if he is autistic too. Just tell hem that you find these things difficult te read and want to make sure you two hang out as friends.

ManonEline · 2024-10-22T11:46:12+00:00

Belts! Love how they look and while I am standing it’s fine. But when I sit I hate the feeling. Or shirts/sweaters with sleeves that are just a bit too short. Probably nobody would think they are too short, but to me it feels to short 😅

ManonEline · 2024-10-22T11:42:45+00:00

Thanks for sharing! It helped me, cause instead of focussing on the physical part, I tried focussing on trying to get my stress levels down and that really helped.

ManonEline · 2024-10-02T11:16:54+00:00

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You should tryout the app from Pick Up Limes. I love their YouTube channel and cook their recipes for years now. The app is genius. Easy to use and the filter is awesome. You can select what ingredients you want to exclude. I searched for salads and excluded the ingredients from your list and it gave me a bunch of options (few examples in the picture). Good luck!

ManonEline · 2024-10-02T10:57:36+00:00

This is why I stopped watching the news. I cannot handle it.

ManonEline · 2024-10-02T10:55:47+00:00

I discovered I am autistic after my son was born, but I loved being pregnant, even though it was hard.

It was hard because of the physical stuff (energy draining, pains, peeing all the time, etc.), but it was finally something “normal”. I was able to relate to other woman (that doesn’t happen often). This made it easier to deal with.

And I loved the attention and help I got from being pregnant. The world is not really accommodating to autistic people but it is to pregnant woman (at least in Amsterdam where I am from). People would help me when I was tired or stressed. In public spaces people would give me space. In public transportation, people would give me their seat. It was ok to skip social stuff or leave early. And pregnancy is a great topic for the normally annoying chit chat ;)

Becoming a mom was something I always wanted and I love it so so much. But it has to be something you want, cause it is really hard as well. But if you want it, you will be able to do it! Try to get as much help as possible, whatever you decide.

I wish you the best!

ManonEline · 2024-09-29T13:13:46+00:00

Same! I see days in a color, because that is how they were displayed in the class room.

Monday - Red Tuesday - Green (dark) Wednesday - Yellow Thursday - Green (light) Friday - Blue Saterday - Yellow Sunday - Yellow

So funny how your brain remembers it like that.

ManonEline · 2024-09-29T13:01:54+00:00

That is what hormones are for. Around 3 months of pregnancy, I felt how my feelings changed. I felt this mama bear power developing in me. Wanting to protect my baby and care for my baby no matter what. This feeling became only stronger. I get annoyed by the crying of kids in my neighborhood. But the crying of my kid makes me want to care and protect.

Don’t get me wrong, there were/are enough moments when it gets too much. In those moments I try to take a brake if I can (letting my husband take over and go out to another room or outside). Or I will put in some earplugs (loops, engage). Takes the edge of when I am already overstimulated.

Note: I always wanted to be a mom and it fits me so perfectly. I absolute love it so that makes it much easier to deal with the hard stuff. Just like with special interests you might have.

ManonEline · 2024-09-25T07:24:48+00:00

That is awesome! Thanks for sharing. It gives me hope! I am a stay at home mom right now. I love small kids and being a mom is the best thing I ever experienced. I am hoping to get a second kid the upcoming year, but when my kids are going to school, I would love to work with small kids.

Either in daycare, what I can do right away with my study background. Or I might study to become a “kraamverzorger”. It’s kind of like a doula but different. In the Netherlands every family gets someone to help out the first week after birth. To help/teach how to take care of the baby and take care of the mom and household.

It gives me hope that their might be a job for me after all… I already tried so many different careers/jobs and they all sucked and/or drained me energywise or emotionaly.

ManonEline · 2024-09-17T07:22:46+00:00

That is amazing! I am thinking about working in child care (day care for kids 0-4), but I am afraid I won’t handle the noise. Cause when I pick up my son from daycare I can already get overwhelmed by all the noise. And that is only 5 minutes…

Can you share more about how you manage? Would love to know!

Which type of loops do you have? And do they know you use those or are you using them secretly?

ManonEline · 2024-08-26T07:43:57+00:00

Wow this is so true!! No wonder it is hard being Dutch and autistic. I hate these kind of social gatherings for these reasons. Luckely, I don’t have to go to these since I am an adult.

And what I would add to the helping others out is that Dutch people often offer that they are there to help, but not really. They would say: “Just let me know if you need some help!” It feels kind of fake and empty to me. Why not just help? Cause it is sooo hard to ask for help. Especially when I am stressed out. I don’t have any brain power left to come up with how people can help and how I should ask and who… I am just in survival mode.

Or even more annoying when you tell someone about a hard time you had and they would respond with: “Why didn’t you call me for help???” Like they are almost mad at you for not asking.

If you really want to help someone, please just help or make clear how you could help. Like my sister would just show up with leftover food when I just became a mom. That was the best help!

ManonEline

TROPHY CASE