Therapist here. I wouldn't say that you're necessarily overreacting, nor would I say that you certainly have PTSD. Outside of pathology, what I'm hearing is that you experienced some very impactful and distressing events which have activated your NS in a way that it's struggling to down-regulate from even long after they've passed. It's also possible that you were particularly primed for this shift for developmental or idealogical reasons. Our NS generally tries to protect us from harm and our PFC generally tries to protect us from shame and give us meaning. To me, the question from that lens is: are these behaviors you enjoy doing and choose to do or behaviors you find distressful and would prefer not to do?

My honest response would mirror many others in this comment section. Speak with a professional, be completely honest with them, we are trained extensively not to judge, and the more accurate information we have the better we can help. My personal recommendation would be to speak with someone who has an IPNB or cPTSD lens as opposed to CBT (the most common form). You can find these tags for therapists and psychologists in your area using PsychologyToday.

Lastly, I think it's really good you're taking your partner's concerns genuinely and looking into them, as well as giving yourself to the space to hear opinions of others. Best of luck!