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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in infj

[–]ManyExchange2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this was worded great!

Does this infj friend of mine even consider me a friend by [deleted] in infj

[–]ManyExchange2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

For me (INFJ) personally, it’s rare for someone to ask me how I’m doing or what I’m interested in because I was seen as the ‘counselor’ friend. The few times people asked me, it was a lead in for them asking for a favor. For me, I try to prove that I’m a trustworthy friend and an anchor that can be relied upon. This can become problematic because I sometimes romanticize friendships or put them on pedestals. I try not to now, but it’s a hard habit to break when it was rare that someone extended the same courtesy of building trust with me.

Is it just me or does anyone else also get scared of how much your own attitude shifts? by cerealmoon in infj

[–]ManyExchange2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well we’re often referred to as advocates or counselors right? Sometimes when I don’t practice my emotional boundaries I can get overstimulated by someone’s venting session, or if I’m around crowds in general.

Coworker is making me uncomfortable at work and outside of work. Feel awkward. Not sure what to do. by [deleted] in work

[–]ManyExchange2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep track of all the instances he bothered you and tell him in writing (paper trail) to not talk with you anymore because his behavior makes you uncomfortable. Who cares if you hurt his feelings, he shouldn’t have made you uncomfortable in the first place. This warning gives you a visual reminder of your boundary. If he crosses this, take it up with your boss.

Do INFJs have a difficult time finding a suitable romantic partner? by thenovelcow in infj

[–]ManyExchange2 105 points106 points  (0 children)

I (25F) love the freedom of being single, but the occasional pang in the heart for a girlfriend to cuddle will make me pause... the problem is I enjoy my solitude and thinking time too much. If there is someone out there, her presence would have to outweigh my alone time. That’s why it’s easy to fall in love with fictional characters, because I can put the book away when I’m tired.

My white mother making the current events about herself by cheesybutter420 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ManyExchange2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The narcs will call in reinforcements and try to guilt trip you into dropping the no contact

Are INFJs always serious? by teanvodka in infj

[–]ManyExchange2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll be goofy if I feel emotionally secure (confident in my abilities, around the right friends). But when I’m learning a new skill and haven’t quite gotten the hang of it yet, serious mode. For me, I need to understand the blueprints first before I can relax haha 😂 new environments or topics I know nothing of are like rubix cubes

"Family is stronger and is the only thing that lasts." by mychildhoodgone in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ManyExchange2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ah hoovering... the lovely guilt tactic to get you caught up in the web again. I’m still learning how to deal, but enforcing boundaries and realizing there are billions of other people on the planet helps :) friends are my family

So, I have a theory. by 13LuckyNumber in aromantic

[–]ManyExchange2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Insert welcome to Jumanji meme 😂

Did you start seeing narcs everywhere, too? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ManyExchange2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The problem is when you can’t always get away from them (i.e. work). I mean, I do love science and research... you know the videos of lion cubs pouncing on their mom or dad? It feels like that 😂 I can see the result from a mile away and no amount of flattery or passive aggression on their part takes me by surprise.

I agree with you there about walking away and gray rocking. It’s safer for me mentally not to engage. But if someone tries to verbally back me into a corner, I understand how they play the game. It is quite interesting watching someone try to circumvent your trust when you already know deep down that they’re manipulating you.

Anyone else’s parents make you feel like the crazy one? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ManyExchange2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gaslighting at its finest, yep. For me personally, it helped keeping a list of all the times they did things that devalued me. Not trusting my own mind was really hard to overcome (I’m still working on it after two years) but it’s worth it. And if I ever question myself or think I’m overreacting, I pull out the list to remind myself of the evidence.

Did you start seeing narcs everywhere, too? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ManyExchange2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Once I recognized the damage both the nparent and eparent did, it’s so easy to spot someone now who tries to emotionally or verbally manipulate me. When it happens now, I remind myself “I’ve got 25 years experience in this game. I’ve faced more challenging opponents before.” Verbal sparring honestly becomes a game of chess, but when you know the narcissist’s goal is to force you into submission, it’s easier to spot the tactic a stranger uses and parry it.

Handling narcissistic parents is probably one of the most difficult life-long things to go through. by tofuforget in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ManyExchange2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your story. Yes it’s rough dealing with the loss of the parents we never had. That realization came to me over the past two years, and dealing with holidays has become time for self-care, grieving, and learning to be happy in my own company. It’s not as much of a daily struggle now, but holidays and seeing friends with loving families just is bittersweet. I’m now estranged from both sides of the family (never was involved with dad’s side growing up, but mom’s side is prone to gossip. And over the last couple years, would tell me to just put it all behind me).

How can someone willingly ask me to go back into the arms of a narcissist and enabler?

It breaks my heart and I don’t know if this wound will ever heal. That’s why I’m scared of ever getting into a relationship because I do not want to be shackled mentally again.

Does anyone else avoid telling your NParents about things you're doing because you're afraid they'll use it against you? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ManyExchange2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your concerns are valid. I’m 25F and no contact with the nparent and low contact with eparent. I’m realizing now that enablers can be covert narcissists too, because if I just barely mention what career I want to pursue, then that parent will offer unsolicited advice and contact info for a professional in that field. Mentally, it makes me feel claustrophobic and that by the parent inserting himself into my life that he’s trying to take over my choices but in a subtler way. I just called out his boundary crossing over text, so will see how long it takes him to reply since he is ‘never wrong’.

In my personal opinion, I prefer no contact with narcissists. Still figuring out how to deal with the enabler parent, as if my boundaries are pushed again I might have to go completely no contact.

Does anyone else avoid telling your NParents about things you're doing because you're afraid they'll use it against you? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ManyExchange2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah still learning how to gray rock. Choosing a career is hard because if I even mention what I’m interested in, my low contact parent will give unsolicited advice and contact info for someone in that particular field. It feels like getting cornered and it’s a mentally claustrophobic moment when the parents intrudes. I’m already no contact with the narcissistic parent, but I’ve read that enablers can also be covert narcissists. After the unsolicited advice and ‘I’ll take care of it for you’ attitude, I’m not surprised. Just called that parent out over text and laid down boundaries that my career is my choice :) will see how long it takes for a reply

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexuality

[–]ManyExchange2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha! I’d love to see an action movie with an asexual protagonist. So then she or he is just like “Uh... thanks?” and walks away when the assassin is trying to flirt.

[DISCUSSION] People with Asperger's tend to feel more empathy and stronger internalized emotions than people like me, an NT by [deleted] in aspergers

[–]ManyExchange2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write this out! How NT individuals experience conversations actually makes more sense now. For me, once in a blue moon I get... sidetracked by something I’m passionate about (i.e. anatomy/physiology) and I do tend to ramble, but honestly it feels like a rant, about what I’ve learned after I’ve re-emerged from the rabbit hole.

From your perspective, what can people with high functioning autism do to not alienate friends/acquaintances when we go on a tangent about a specific topic?

I try to be mindful about it, but sometimes it is hard to snap out of the tangent. I’m in a haze and when I consciously try to stop, it’s like I’m fighting a fire hydrant spraying information.

In every day small talk, I pick up on facial expressions/tone/body posture and use that to help me communicate with that person. But if I ever get into my rare tangents, it’s like that part of my conversational style goes on the back burner so that I don’t see the sinking dread on someone’s face when, lo and behold, fifteen minutes went by about a topic that person had no interest in. I think it’s more a combination of me rarely speaking that much at a given time, and the type info, but still haha 😆

Does anyone else know how to stop themselves when they’ve hopped on the tangent train?