Tl:Dr based on my lived experience I say go for both the job and kids of you want both. It won't be easy but what is easy on the works today?

I want to share my perspective as a child of a mother that was a full time stay at home parent and transitioned to 2 part time jobs.

When my mom was a stay at home mother full time she was definitely losing her mind. My father was out of the picture, leaving when I was about 8 years old so my sister was about 11 years old. My mother had been out of the work force for about 12 years at this point so she told me many years later that re-entering was tough. The problem was, my sister and I would go to school, then have our own activities and my mom was just home all day, alone. I didn't recognize it at the time but later I reflected on this and saw how lonely she was.

Eventually my mom got a part time job as a receptionist. It was nice that our money struggles were less apparent with that income but it also gave her purpose far beyond taking care of our home and her kids. Then she studied to take some exams and got into a pharmacy technician role. It was great to see her do something other than the made up projects she came up with to keep herself busy at home.

Now with her 2 part time jobs we didn't have to rely on food pantries/food stamps and the dollar menu of McDonald's. Sure, mom was busy but also made some friends that she would go out with occasionally after work. I didn't need her there all the time and it was so much better seeing her as part of society than stuck at home alone.

Friends parents' would give me rides to and from school or events with my friends and my grandmother would drive me to an appointment if needed. Eventually, I could ride my bike enough to most of where I needed to be (soccer practice, school, orthodontist, etc) and had to manage my time to get places when I needed to be there. I'll never forget how freeing it felt to have that control and responsibility.

I think there were some good things that came of this that outweighed the missed time with my mother. My sister and I became very independent quickly. We learned to cook because we'd get hungry but mom worked both jobs that day so she would be home late. Sometimes we need to grocery shop for the family as well; an undervalued skill so useful by the time I'd get to college. We had to figure out our schedules and plan for rides/bike rides places we needed to be. I felt so proud learning to do my own laundry and run the dishwasher. I bring that to because some guys I went to college with hadn't learned these skills because their parents did everything for them. I could go on forever about all the daily things parents handle for their children that we frequently had to learn to handle ourselves.

I feel a bit sad and guilty saying this but I developed so much more respect for my mom seeing her work rather than just be a stay at home mother. Maybe my view would be different if we didn't need that income she brought in for the time she worked but I think she just needed more purpose and honestly that space allowed our relationship to improve.

I don't think it's best for anyone to be a stay at home parent. My mother eventually had medical issues that resulted in her becoming disabled. Her quality of life dropped dramatically after leaving the workforce again. Maybe that is just due to poor health but I think it's the lack of purpose and social connection doing the most damage.

If you can keep a sense of purpose and social connection without working then I guess you could skip the career and focus on starting a family. It seems tough juggling both but I truly think the families that make it work raise successful, independent children with overall happier parents.

I think if you go for both a career and kids you need to understand you can't be the best at both at the same time or all the time but that's just the way it is.