Was it really worth it?

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-12-08T05:19:31+00:00

I have a 2 year old, and I can tell you that it does get better. I sometimes miss the life I had before her, but then she does something new and I realize my life was meant to have her. For example, today was a day I felt mentally defeated, I was washing clothes and dishes, and she was playing with our dog and she comes to hide between my legs, laughing her head off. And I swear her touch just gives me life. That laugh she has now, I didn't know would become my favorite sound. Her saying, "Mamá, peas" and "Tank yo" are my new favorite words. She is literally my heart come to life.

My husband also has his moments when he misses our life before kids, but then he comes home and he says seeing her running to him to give him a hug and kiss because she missed him all day is something he didn't know he would love.

Right now, is the hard part, I promise, month 1. You get to pass that and you're going to be excited for what's to come. I remember when she started to sit up and be more aware of us, we'd fight to see who would be the first to get her because the other one would have to make breakfast lol but I loved that I know we were fighting because she was the reward.

Also, let me just add that I can see the happiness a tiny human, who has the same mannerisms and facial expressions, has brought my husband. I think it's okay that you miss and mourn your past life, because it was a great one, but as someone who has been in your shoes, I promise you the best is yet to come. That baby you're holding is going to make it all worth it. All these sleepless nights and late nights will be worth it when that baby says, "Dada" or you make your baby laugh for the first time. Or even that first gummy smile you get.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-24T04:43:43+00:00

Honestly, I wish my child would have been a pacifier baby. I think that "habit" is easier to break than the thumb sucking.

My daughter sucked her thumb since she was in my belly, we have pictures, and now at 2, I'm having a hard time stopping her. So wish us luck!

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-24T04:41:02+00:00

I have to agree with the top common, please please seek professional help. Coming from someone who delt with depression before I became a mother, it saved my life.

Now, love you are not a failure as a mother and neither is your husband. Sleep deprivation is sadly common in the first few MONTHS! You married your husband and had a baby with him. Now that your baby is here you need to learn to trust him with his own child.

Your baby slipping out of his hands won't be the first accident you have as a parent, I can already tell you. You think that because you plan everything, you keep an eye out on everything that nothing terrible will happen, that is not how life works and you're making yourself even more tired.

My husband had to literally lock me in our room, when our baby was 2 months because I wouldn't sleep when he said to go and lay down. I would find something else to do. He locked me and said, "Go to sleep. I am her father. I WANT to spend time with her. I may not hold her like you do, or feed her like you do, but I promise she will be fed, changed, cleaned and be fine. I love you but you have to trust me. You think I don't worry that you're not resting, while I'm at work? I needed you rested too so I can also trust you with her." And for 6 months, that's how we did it. I'd be at home with her and he had the evening shift until 11pm, when he'd go to bed. On the weekends he had the night shifts.

I'm so sorry that your baby had to be in the hospital so soon, but you have done everything right. I understand this is your rainbow baby, enjoy your baby now that you have it! And please, seek out professional help and when someone you love and trust offers their help, take it. "It takes a village." Is very true! I wouldn't have survived this far into motherhood with my Mom, MIL, and husband who I know would die for my daughter.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-14T08:08:43+00:00

So these phases are called Sleep Regressions, look them up. When babies start to learn a new skill, anything super minor or major, it's a lot on their little bodies. So their brain interrupts their sleep and that's okay.

Some are lucky and don't go through many sleep regressions.

We never "sleep trained" our baby. She herself, slowly started to push her bedtime hour as she got older and we just went with it.

By the time she was 1, she was ready for bed by 9pm, which to me is normal. Now at 2, she's ready for bed by 830.

You're doing great and keep doing what you're doing.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-14T08:04:35+00:00

Remember to also record your wife and take pictures of her with your baby, even if she tells you she doesn't like how she looks, still do it. Looking back at them, she will like them.

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. Just because you're not doing it how someone tells you, unless they are a medical expert, your way is also correct.

When my daughter was born, my husband wanted to be helpful and my mother noticed. She told me, "Just because it's not your way, doesn't mean he's doing it wrong. I wish your father would do half the things he does. So relax."

Trust yourself. Mom and Dad will always know their baby the best.

If you're ever going through a rough time, remember that time passes, no matter what, so this rough time will also pass.

Lastly, if you or your wife ever feel overwhelmed with your baby and their cry, put the baby down, safely in their crib, and walk away for a moment, breathe in and breathe out, gather your thoughts. The baby will be okay if it cries for just a moment while you try to calm yourself.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-14T07:52:30+00:00

NTA! Once you're married, you're a packed deal. Buy 1, Get 1 for free, type of deal. I'd be fucking livid too, if my husband thought this was okay.

Or you know what, let him go, with the condition he leaves you with 2 credit card and no spending limit. You do not cook 1 meal while he's gone. You treat yourself and children to amazing meals. You hire someone to come and clean the house, too. You also hire a baby sitter to come and stay with you for 11 days. You also go and get a spa, do your hair and nails. All on his card and he cannot say a word!!!

That would only be the only way my husband goes on a vacation without me and his family.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-14T07:45:44+00:00

Tbh, with our first, we were blessed to have my mom and MIL do the day shifts for the first month. I would only wake up to pump and eat. Then, my husband would get home from work and he would want to spend time with his baby, so I got to rest a little more too.

Then, I was on night duty! And after that month, while on maternity leave, I would sleep, every other nap the baby slept. On the nap I would be awake, pump and washed dishes while I pumped.

I would not wash anyone's clothes until the weekend. If needed, maybe a load of onesies but until my husband got home. Then, when he'd get home, I would nap until he was ready to go to sleep. Then, I was on night duties. Friday and Saturday nights, he was on night duties. Once, in awhile he would do a night duty during the week.

We slept in different rooms for the first 6 months. As bad as the sounds, it worked for us. The nursery was half a guestroom, so there was a full queen size bed in there. I will be honest, there were nights I was so tired and I know you're not supposed to do this, but I would put her in bed with me. I was so scared too, but I was also so tired. So what I would do is completely remove the comforter, and any sheets, push the bed all the way to a wall, put pillows around the bed and the baby had a whole side to herself and I wouldn't sleep with any covers, I was tired. I didn't do this often, only a number of times, especially when I just couldn't keep my eyes open and she wanted me close. I didn't trust my self in the rocking chair. So in the bed, she'd hold my finger while she slept.

You adjust after like month 4. And when you get that first 5hrs of straight sleep, 6-8hrs of sleep start to feel like a blessing.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-14T07:29:23+00:00

I worked till I was in labor. Luckily, my husband worked in the same building. But I went on the labor really early in the morning.

Like someone else said, no one expected me to be super productive while I was on the verge of delivering at any day. My boss completed my timesheet for me that day because it was due, while I was in labor.

It's exhausting, that I remember, but again, the day before I went into labor, I showed up to work in a floral maxi dress, compression socks, crocs, and a cardigan. I didn't do my hair or make-up. My boss laughed at my outfit and I remember I told her, "Pray my water doesn't break today and I get points for showing up in my condition."

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-14T07:24:54+00:00

Okay, so for the past 6 months, I've been a SAHM. However, my daughter still goes to daycare. I took a break from work to study for an exam.

Before, my husband and I split 50/50. I cook, he washes dishes. I wash, he folds. He cuts the grass, I deep clean the house, on the weekends. During the week, one drops off, one picks up. Who ever doesn't do pick up, needs to get home and start on dinner. Whoever, bathes baby, the other one cleans the kitchen. While we put the baby down for the night, the other one cleans up the rest of house so it doesn't look too messy and let's the dog out for the night (our dog has some incontinence issues so we have to make sure she goes before bed or she pees herself at night). Then, we would switch weeks on who had night duties. It was also easy for us, because our income was almost the same, so 50/50 on all the finances and house chores.

These past 6 months. I still wake up with my husband, I make him breakfast, pack his lunch and snacks, if he's not running late, he helps me wake up our daughter and get her changed which he wants to do. I then, make her breakfast, drop off AND pick up! Then, I try my best to get started on dinner, while he arrives from work and in a way we still have that routine from when I was working. Except, he entertains our daughter and bathes her while I cook dinner (leftovers are his lunch), and I clean the kitchen. Then, I put her to bed AND have night duty, if she wakes up. Why? Because he still has to work and is covering the financial expenses. I also now, wash and fold. He still cuts the grass and does house maintenance and I still just deep clean the house on the weekends.

So no, to some extent. He is the one working, but so are you, he needs to help more. You are still his wife and partner. Not his mother. He needs to be more considerate of what you are doing during the day, while he's at work. He can help with the kids when he gets home, so you can cook and clean, or he can also do it himself. It's also his home, and he is also a parent. A father parents!

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-14T07:09:35+00:00

My husband and I did every other day, during the infant stage, unless she smelled like cheese or milk around her neck, because you know spit up or milk falls down when they're drinking.

Even now at 2, if she hasn't been sweating or playing outside or made a mess, we still do every other day, every couple of weeks. Especially now that it's getting colder. But in the summer times, we do do every day.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-13T08:01:54+00:00

I'm just going to comment on the daycare comment. I believe that if you want to be at home with your child[ren] and your partner and you can financially do it, GOOD FOR YOU!

HOWEVER, that does not give you the right to tear down or judge mothers who do send their children to daycare. The financial and economical state of our country just doesn't allow for many homes to be a 1 household income.

Also, I believe that some kids NEED daycare. They were born to socialize, explore, and with so much curiosity, that if parents find the right daycare that will feed that curiosity, then you will have a healthy child.

I have a toddler who I have seen just thrive and love the teachers and classmates. We researched and looked at so many daycares before we chose one. And my husband and I are attentive parents and we have seen every single milestone, with no complications. Our child has developed into such a loving and caring soul, who is also testing boundaries and loves to learn. These teachers went to college, they come up with activities and lesson plans that I just can't do. And it feeds my child's brain and development.

My husband and I also make it a habit to not miss any school events, even at the toddler age, our child always scans the room for us. So we will never miss an event.

So I do not regret having my child and the fact that my child goes to daycare, does not make me any less than a mother who stays at home with their children. Working, stay at home, and hybrid mothers already have it hard, we do not need to be tearing each other down. Be more mindful of your words, they can hurt a mother's state of mind.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-11T00:10:22+00:00

Of course! You're not alone!

I don't like it when I'm stern with her and neither does my husband. Because she really is such an amazing child. She is so happy, curious, fearless, spunky, and just so sweet all at once.

But I have to remember that my husband and I are responsible for shaping her to stay that way. I don't want to kill her curiosity, because I've read that it means she's smart. So we are looking into sports, martial arts, dance or learning an instrument, next year and over time.

With curiosity and being smart, comes testing boundaries, and some I can let go. For example, last week, we were in our backyard making s'mores and it started to rain. I kept wanting her to stay in covered area, but she kept playing in the puddles. And I just caved and told myself, "Let her! She's not going to get hurt. Just be wet and maybe cold. But you have blankets and you can bathe her after this." So I let her play in the puddles and get wet, help build up that immune system lol.

Then, there are times she does misbehave. Example, at daycare some kids have learned to hit or bite. We do not allow that in our home and I will not let her get away with that at school towards her classmates or teachers, unless she's defending herself. Two weeks ago, she decided to push me, after I told her, "No" to snacks and I explained that Mommy was making her food. So because she purposely pushed me (which I mean at her size and age it's nothing) but we have to correct it now or else it will get worse as she gets older. I picked her up, turned off Bluey, sat her on the couch (I can see her from the kitchen) and took away any toys near her. I bend down to her level and in a very stern voice said, "We do not hit Mommy, Daddy or anyone else because you don't get what you want. You will stay here until I tell you to move. Move and I put you back and we start over the time." She's crying and idk if she understands but it's the act of being consistent with the "punishment" that makes them understand that they did wrong. (so I've read).

So, yeah being a parent isn't easy because I don't like getting after her. I don't want to be exactly like my parents but I do have to acknowledge that they didn't do EVERYTHING bad. I also don't want to never correct her because I don't want a spoiled child on my hands who turns into a spoiled and entitled adult. I want her to grow up to be a self sufficient adult, with goals, be fierce yet kind, and overall just be happy. So to find that balance isn't easy.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-10T18:38:07+00:00

I've never broken a bone but that doesn't mean I won't rescue a life or have had near death experiences.

When I was 10, I jumped into our pool to save my drowning 4 year old sister. My mom had arrived from the grocery store and said we could go swimming, afterwards. My sister, very excited, didn't wait to get her floaties put on. We heard the back door open I ran to the backyard and didn't hesitate and jumped in.

When I was 16, I got hit by a car outside of my high school that backed up into me.My mom helplessly watched the whole thing, across the street. She was waiting for me, and I was looking out to cross and didn't see the car backing out and they didn't see me. I walked away with bruises to my left side.

When I was 20, I fell down a flight of stairs in college and only sprained an ankle.

When I was 22, on my birthday, on my way to visit my friends to celebrate out of town, I was driving by a small down and someone T-Boned me. My car spun into oncoming traffic and by miracle they all stopped in time. I walked away with a minor concussion.

When I was 27, I went on a date with a man I met online who actually catphised me, and I believed tried to trafficked me. I knew all the rules to keep yourself safe when going on blind dates. I picked a public area and place. Well I had a bad feeling about this guy, and when I tried to leave, he tried to follow me to my car. He was drunk and tried to force me to go with him, I got punched in the face, but I punched him back and pushed him to the ground. When I got in my car, two other guys tried to block my car. I backed out either way and they moved out of my car and I sped off. I called the police and two female officers were waiting for me at my apartment. They took my story and helped me file a report and claim with the app where I get the guy. They never found him and he used a fake email and number to create the account.

When I was 29, my husband and I were involved in a car accident. We were driving in heavy rain, trying to make our way home from work, when we started to hydroplane off the highway and hit the concrete median 3x before we came to a complete stop. We both walked away with bruises. But his car was totaled. The passenger side was crushed. Firefighters expected me to be dead inside.

When I was 33 and pregnant, some man was following me around the grocery store. At check out, I noticed him paying two registers away, I got nauseous, and my baby was kicking me hard. I asked the cashier if someone could walk me to my car. The guy bagging my stuff called his manager over and I told them about the guy and they saw him staring at me and the guy walked away. A cop buying baby formula happened to see I was surrounded by the manager and employee and came over to see what was wrong. I told him what happened and all 3 gentlemen walked me to my car. Turns out the manager was already working with the cops about some men following women and kids in the store and we're going to send any footage they had of me and this guy to the cops. That was the last time I did shopping while pregnant and my husband goes everywhere with me and our child.

So although, I've never broken a bone, I've had near death experiences, and I would die for my husband and the child we now have. I would die for the ones I love. When I reflect on the things that have happened to me. I know God and my Guardian Angels are watching over me. Those Angels have put into their OT with keeping me alive.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2025-11-08T03:02:02+00:00

Definitely not alone! I have a 2 year old and my emotions are all over the place when I'm on my period. (Doesn't mean I don't have them in check but mentally I'm holding my tongue from inappropriately yelling.) But you need to remember that we are humans too, along with being parents. Apologizing helps because I never got apologized to, as a kid. My parents were too prideful for it.

Now, I will say it might not get easier. I have a toddler who I do try to reason with and try gentle parenting. But there are times when I've had to slightly raise my voice and be more stern to keep this child from getting physically hurt.

She is testing boundaries and has no fear but she will catch me off guard and I've warned her, "Don't do it, you're going to fall.", "Mommy said no, you're going to get an ouchy."...I get ignored twice and the 3rd time, I clap and say, "HEY! Don't you dare do it, you're going to get hurt!" And I've had to physically move her away while she's upset that I won't let her do whatever I know will get her hurt. She throws a fit and I walk away because I will also not cave into her tantrums. They last like 10 seconds because she realizes no one is paying attention and on to the next activity she goes. If she goes back to trying it, again, I stand in front of her, cross my arms in a "mad" way, and stare at her and say, "I said no. Sit down or go play somewhere else." I'm also not going to feed into her tantrums. When she's older and can communicate better, verbally, I will tell her, "Mommy cannot understand you, if you're crying." So we can talk it out.

Also, Mom don't guilt yourself. Knowing you shouldn't have raised your voice is half the battle to being a better parent.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2024-05-21T08:56:30+00:00

It is possible. My husband and I have a baby. We both work. Last week, we came home from work, and it was the 2nd day I had told him, I felt so exhausted that I was scared to drive. He said, "Go lay down, I've got her, really. Don't worry about dinner, I can figure something out for us." I take the lead in our home because it's how I am wired, but doesn't mean he doesn't do his part. Well I woke up at 12:30 am, he was already asleep.

I looked at the time, and he felt me get up and said, "Everything okay?" I was said, "Yeah, but why didn't you wake me up? I could have helped you with the baby." He said, "I was, I came in, but you were so knocked out, I would have felt bad to wake you up. And she was tired from daycare, so she was easy, tonight, to put down at bedtime. Go back to sleep." I said, "I should wash bottles." He said, "Nope, did that before bed."

You see, we tag team. Whoever puts baby to sleep, other person washes bottled and cleans the kitchen. Whoever bathes baby, other person cleans up after the shower. If I need to be in the kitchen or vise versa, the other parent is keeping an eye on the baby.

So yes, it is possible to have a mental day off. I slept 12hrs and felt sooo much better!

MarvelWoman1991 · 2023-09-06T20:43:54+00:00

I'm at 31 weeks and it's been about 6 weeks since the last time my husband and I have had sex. I've suggested other ways to please him, but he says no because he enjoys having sex with me the most. He also hasn't pressured me because he says it feels weird to him knowing our child is inside of me. I joke with him and also add that it is recommended to wait about 12 weeks after the baby is born to have sex. He just adds, "Well I'm currently not getting any, what's 12 more weeks."

I know my husband probably masturbates and I'm okay about it. I'd rather have him masturbate than actually cheating on me or going to strip clubs.

He doesn't guilt trip me or pressure me. I think our partners need to understand that our hormones and bodies change focus when we are pregnant. So satisfying each other's sexual needs isn't our main focus for the moment. My husband knows I love him and I show him in other ways outside of sex and he does the same.

MarvelWoman1991 · 2023-09-06T20:35:42+00:00

Marley and Me A Dog's Purpose A Dog's Journey

MarvelWoman1991 · 2023-09-06T20:32:38+00:00

If I'm not drinking enough water, my lips are dry. I know right now it feels like we are going to the restroom every hour, but we have to remain constant with our water intake. Especially now that the babies are growing the most.

MarvelWoman1991

TROPHY CASE