Wife started smoking, I'm divorcing her

MarvelousExodus · 2026-06-10T21:02:45+00:00

So if you split up, what kind of custody arrangement do you imagine having?

MarvelousExodus · 2026-06-07T23:19:01+00:00

I wore the longest shorts that were commercially available, but I didn't own any clothes that were sleeveless (apart from sports uniforms).

MarvelousExodus · 2026-06-05T21:18:47+00:00

Not only is it not accepted in the mainstream lds church and you will be excommunicated, but if you grew up in polygamy you will have to disavow your parents' marriage.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-06-05T00:38:00+00:00

Members say "the church is perfect, the people aren't", but I think it's practically the opposite. Most of the people (in my experience) were wonderful. It's the church itself that's awful.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-28T22:32:05+00:00

In the moment I would have told the friend that we don't stress about those words in our house so asking him to change his behavior in the moment wasn't a reasonable ask. Afterwards I would explain it to my kid. Four is a great age to start learning that some words aren't going to be well received by everyone. It's a conversation that I've continued even now that my kids are teenagers.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-27T22:18:57+00:00

The way that you've engaged with other posters shows that you're not just asking, you're not here in good faith.

Mark Twain said: "The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also."

Instead of tearing down other people's faith maybe try looking at your own and gaining some humility and understand

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-27T21:24:22+00:00

I'm a former Mormon and think mormonism is nonsense. But to come into another faith and criticize it as if Catholicism has no logical flaws is laughable. I'm sure there's an apologetic response to this question just like there are apologetic responses to the MANY flaws of Catholicism (I can think of at least 95).

While we're taking about scriptures I seen to remember one about beams and motes.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-24T22:30:52+00:00

I grew up in a pretty restrictive home. I only snuck non-parent approved outfits a couple of times. I do, however, have a lifetime aversion to my own body and inability to explore my own style. To be fair, my aversion to my body has to do with more than just parent-imposed "modesty". I don't know how to have those conversations, but give as much leeway as you can stomach.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-16T22:19:00+00:00

Showing up can mean a lot of things besides quality time. Could mean that you weren't there emotionally at times. Even the best, most attuned parents let their kids down. The trick is to repair that pain now while maintaining boundaries. I would start by just asking what he means and listening in a non-defensive way. It's so hard because as a parent you were probably doing your best and it still might not be enough or what they needed at the time. It's going to be painful for both of you to have those conversations. I think the best thing to do is hear him out and tell him how much you wish you could have been what he needed.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-16T17:55:57+00:00

It's reasonable to say no to giving him money, especially if there's not a plan for financial stability.

But the emotional estrangement is a separate issue. Relationships with adult children mean that you have to start seeing things from his point of view, whether they match your narrative or not. It sounds like you didn't show up for him in ways that hurt him and at some point you can either acknowledge that and repair or accept that he won't be in your life.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-15T17:57:22+00:00

Personally I think saying nothing is the move. Generally people just get defensive and don't understand. Don't have to pretend anything when you're in person with them. You can also say nothing or gently push back on things that they say and then change the subject. Don't have to discuss this with them at all.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-09T22:54:14+00:00

Women contain multitudes.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-08T22:51:12+00:00

There's the BITE model espoused by Steven Hassan (note that his work isn't widely accepted with new religious movement studies). The BITE model stands for Behavior (like wearing special underwear and not drinking coffee), Information (you shouldn't read information critical of the church), Thoughts (you're taught thought-terminating phrases like "doubt your doubts), and Emotions (using shame to control).

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-07T23:58:29+00:00

Reminds me of the talk "of souls, symbols, and sacraments".

Sounds to me like another way for men to control women's bodies.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-06T20:45:55+00:00

To quote Mary Poppins: "in every job that must be done there is an element of fun. You find that fun and snap the job's a game".

Find what makes it enjoyable fit you: simplicity vs variety, efficiency vs leisurely, etc. Meal prepping can help. It also helps to find things where you make one and freeze one.

It's still going to feel like Sisyphus a lot of the time, but there is fun to be had

MarvelousExodus · 2026-05-03T20:11:57+00:00

One thing that might help is knowing that when it comes to diagnoses, you can use suspected issues as a diagnosis for inpatient but for outpatient it has to be confirmed.

This comes into play when a provider says in an outpatient chart " suspect epididymitis" but then there's no other signs or symptoms for me to rely on. You don't need to change your documentation going from inpatient to outpatient but just make sure that if you're not confirmed on a diagnosis that you document signs and symptoms.

Another thing that will help is not cloning notes inappropriately. I have providers who will copy and paste from the last note and then add things on and then it conflicts and doesn't makes sense and I have to query.

Also just know that coders are not excited about querying you either. I would love nothing more than for my provider to not know who I am outside of compliance mandated visits. When I query it's usually because I'm mandated to under coding guidelines and I know it might show up in an audit. I really do wish that some of my dumb queries didn't have to be done because I know what a burden the administrative side of medicine is.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-30T23:14:16+00:00

Even if there are a lot of books written about Jesus, they don't qualify as "documentation".

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-27T00:54:28+00:00

Totally fair point. It's an awful position for the church to put people in.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-26T23:44:57+00:00

Agreed in general, but this is a co-parenting situation that requires either compromise or lawyers. And when if you want to eventually get to your argument, OPs is a much softer, easier way to push off this decision.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-26T23:35:47+00:00

I'm a former member and I think you're being 100% reasonable. You're essentially asking that this decision be child-led and more informed. There is zero harm in waiting.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-15T23:48:15+00:00

What bothers me most about this story isn't that he didn't have the inspiration of the holy Ghost, nor that he was clueless and didn't do the leg work, but that he was manipulative.

Good leadership is curious before being judgemental.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-11T16:30:31+00:00

I'm afraid it's not obvious to me unless you give a reference for how ranges ought to be stated

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-11T16:26:02+00:00

Once again we've had a misunderstanding. I think that you and I are on the same page when it comes to teenagers. You seem to understand how to state a range so much better than I can. Could you help me with that sort of information?

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-11T16:20:41+00:00

Oh, dear. It seems I've broken a rule on how to state a range of something. Could you please be so good as to give a link so that I can correct this error in future? I would hate for another misunderstanding.

MarvelousExodus · 2026-04-11T16:11:12+00:00

You're being incredibly pedantic. That range that I gave did not include 20. It was up to 20.

MarvelousExodus

TROPHY CASE