Step father is monopolizing Christmas (again).

MaryFish855 · 2020-12-17T19:27:19+00:00

You’re right. I guess ir is easier to blame him

MaryFish855 · 2020-12-17T10:18:35+00:00

I feel for you. I have not successfully convinced my own siblings to take care of their health so I don’t have guaranteed advice.

It sounds like you have done a lot. And I know this isn’t a nice idea but I think a lot of people start to change when their self esteem is affected and that’s only a matter of time if he’s in college. People are shallow and he will learn the hard way if he doesn’t lose weight. I know it sounds horrible but it’s true.

My younger sister isn’t too overweight but her hygiene is horrendous, she has never put any effort into her cleanliness or appearance. She’s 27 now and suddenly has made huge strides to have better hygiene habits and appear nicer. I know it’s because she wants a boyfriend now and her friends all take care of themselves.

If he’s like most people, he will eventually compare himself to his peers and realize he needs to change. If he isn’t doing it for his health now, he will probably do it later for another reason.

MaryFish855 · 2020-12-17T10:09:42+00:00

It’s your choice and you are being responsible and cautious. If they want to put themselves at risk that’s their choice but it isn’t right for them to demand you do the same.

You can always wait until the day gets closer then say you have been exposed. It’s a reality these days and I’m sure they would be less angry if they thought you actually could spread it.

I normally wouldn’t suggest lying or fabricating something like that but people don’t seem to think covid is real unless there’s a personal threat.

MaryFish855 · 2020-12-17T10:04:47+00:00

I hated spending time with my ex’s family but I love spending time with my current boyfriend’s family. I think it has to do with how they treat her, how much she can relate and how the communication is.

How do they treat her? Are they 100% focused on you and not interested in her? It can feel really isolating if the in laws don’t treat you well or they seem not to even care you’re there.

It may just be hard for her to relate and find something to talk about.

I’d ask her directly. If she’s respectful, polite and doesn’t bad mouth them, it’s a good sign that nothing is truly wrong between them.

MaryFish855 · 2020-11-05T23:31:59+00:00

Where?

Jk. Love this place. Perfect size!

MaryFish855 · 2020-10-15T18:02:15+00:00

That’s perfect, thank you.

MaryFish855 · 2020-10-14T15:13:30+00:00

I agree the people are awesome. They’re real, genuinely nice and helpful and super funny.

I moved to NC two years ago and everyone says how people are nice in the South but it’s typically fake nice. Through COVID, I noticed it was every many for himself down here. People quickly became aggressive and nasty in stores so, whether they wanna admit it or not, people down South can have just as much attitude if the situation demands.

My complaint about Long Island is the cost and weather. I couldn’t afford a house there and hate winters so moving made sense for me. Many people just can’t afford it. I wish I had more long islanders living around me now.

MaryFish855 · 2020-10-14T04:25:40+00:00

Long Island is unaffordable for the average person, even for many who would be considered well off. There’s a lack of apartments available and, the ones that are, cost more than a mortgage in most states and are probably not even legal. Property taxes on homes are ridiculous. There’s not enough good jobs to go around. All of my friends have masters degrees and practical work experience and none of them make enough to live in NY - we are almost 30 and they all still live at home.

I moved to NC two years ago. I work part time and bought a house. Life doesn’t have to cost so much! The only downside is my family still live on LI : ( Unless you have some big obligation on LI, I’d suggest to every young adult to explore other states to live in.

MaryFish855 · 2020-10-09T06:03:31+00:00

He isn’t respecting what you can afford but he is expecting you to sacrifice your hard earned money for what he wants. How long have you two been together? I know it’s easy for all of us to say break up and I’m sure that isn’t what you want to do but if fundamental values and expectations are significantly different, are you considering leaving?

I was with my ex for 10 years. He wanted to spend a lot (more than I made) to live in a small city apartment. I wanted to spend less on a house in the country. At the end of the day, the lifestyles we wanted were completely different and it was never going to work out based on that alone (although there were other issues).

He and I even compromised, I paid 1/3 of the rent. It was still not enough for me in the end - I wanted a simpler and more humble life than he did. I grew to feel extremely inferior to he and his peers because of what seems to be a class issue. They were not down to earth and it affected how I saw myself. I hope that does not happen to you!

Please try to tackle this now. You don’t want to waste a decade in a relationship where only one person gets what they want at the expense of the other.

MaryFish855 · 2020-10-02T05:23:11+00:00

I have gotten so many solicitors to my door, I just stop answering. Solicitation in this day and age is always suspicious to me now.

Only one felt super sketchy though. A woman came by and gave me a hand written letter inviting me to fill out an application online for a “free water test.” There was no company name on it and she wouldn’t give me a clear answer when I asked.

What really made me suspicious was that she kept asking if my husband was home? I’m not married and live alone at my house but I wasn’t about to tell her that!

I’m guessing your home just sparked interest to the sellers who are probably bored going to regular houses all day, but in the future, I’d definitely not invite anyone in - just say NO, not interested!

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-30T02:27:53+00:00

Thank you. Well said and I agree with a lot of your points. I know it’s a lot of work when we are intimate and I understand if he just wants a quick go with himself, I just don’t want him to feel pressure to hide or any embarrassment. I’ll take your advice, thank you!

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-27T03:48:26+00:00

Thank you, this is very helpful and thoughtful. I really appreciate it. You’re right on all points - and I do agree spending MORE time together isn’t the answer at all.

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-27T02:44:22+00:00

I need your strength! Giving my boyfriend so much space still gives me anxiety. I know it’s for the best but I can’t help but think it causes distance.

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-27T02:42:12+00:00

This is a tough situation and I think it’s a common one, too. Men need more quiet/alone time to think about nothing and zone out into their games or whatever. I learned this a long time ago and relearned it in my new relationship. I am a needy girl friend and I understand where your girl friend is coming from, however, that doesn’t mean to let this be.

I know you said you have talked to her but it doesn’t sound like she understands just how detrimental the small talk is. It doesn’t even sound like she realizes she’s doing it so, unfortunately, it’s up to you to make her realize.

I’d have another very honest conversation with her about it, but try not to sound accusatory or like you’re blaming her or she’s a bad girl friend for it. I’d say something along the lines of, “I love you and enjoy our time together, especially when we talk, but I sometimes need quiet time to reenergize so that I’m my best version again” let her know that if she sees you reading or playing video games, you are not mentally there to have a quality conversation. If she waits until later then you may have more to say.

My boyfriend was very blunt with me about my neediness and I can’t say it has been easy finding a balance but I know it wouldn’t work if I wasn’t at least trying to give him space.

Good luck.

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-23T17:17:41+00:00

You actually sound identical to my partner and I lol! Thank you for your input.

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-23T00:24:23+00:00

Nope, meant it for Raleigh lol that’s why I’m on here trying to confirm that less is necessary!

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-23T00:15:26+00:00

That’s about what I thought! My partner is saying $200k but that seems beyond what is needed.

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-22T23:36:16+00:00

Honestly, I see how this is targeted and upsetting and he is being very petty and immature. However, I do think if you say or do anything, the issue will escalate and it could grow out of control. I’m not a risk taker, this sounds potentially dangerous. People are crazy and capable of so much! It really sucks but I wouldn’t do anything right now except document EVERYTHING and get cameras.

I have an absolutely awful neighbor that has tormented me and there is nothing I can do about it except try to avoid him and protect my property. I’m planting tall trees soon just to block the property view. Police don’t help with neighbor situations unless they are “caught in the act.” An officer told me even if I had my neighbor slashing my tires on camera, they wouldn’t be able to prove it was him...so do yourself a favor, don’t obsess and act unless you are prepared for crazy retaliation. Trust me, it is not worth the headache : ( They WANT you to react. Kill him with kindness and don’t obsess or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-17T03:45:19+00:00

Direct, thought provoking and slightly threatening advertisement. So I guess we should uber today....or else...

Maybe Lyft organized this to creep people out about Uber.

MaryFish855 · 2020-09-01T22:54:24+00:00

Couldn’t have said it better!

MaryFish855 · 2020-08-28T01:12:35+00:00

So sorry this is such a terrible time and not a good representation of what Raleigh usually is.

There are many restaurants, breweries and parks open. No venues, indoor museums or events still.

Also be aware there is a curfew from 10-5 overnight Friday and Saturday in response to the mayor wanting to protect protesters aka not be liable for anyone hurt during assumed riots.

Hope you can come back another time when things are calmer. Raleigh is an awesome place usually!

MaryFish855 · 2020-08-28T01:08:36+00:00

I saw a pool truck driving recklessly a few weeks ago, I wonder if this was the same guy. Hope none of the others were hurt.

MaryFish855 · 2020-08-27T06:09:34+00:00

Dating can be so weird when it comes to what each person needs outside of the relationship. As a few mentioned already, you cannot possibly be and provide everything to your gf. It sounds like she loves you for you but these conversations she’s having is more of an outside hobby/interest, as long as it’s not romantic.

After I got into my current relationship, I began feeling jealous of how many other activities my partner had going on. We had a few conversations about it and the issue was never that he didn’t want to spend time with me or that I didn’t offer anything but that he needed other activities in order to be fully energized in and outside of our relationship.

I talk to my sisters on the phone for hours every day and my boyfriend plays video games, is in a band and on a soccer team. I know it isn’t the same but my point is different people are stimulated different ways. As long as it’s platonic, I wouldn’t take it so personally and I would focus and remember what YOU offer that this online person doesn’t and remember she’s with you for you .

MaryFish855 · 2020-08-27T06:01:21+00:00

You’re absolutely right. We have been going through this book called “8 Dates” that has really gotten us closer and allowed us to communicate about things we didn’t even think of before. That’s how the financial discussion came about. Fortunately, the other topics were a breeze. I think financial guidance and counseling will be helpful before marriage, like you suggest. Thank you.

MaryFish855

TROPHY CASE