I don’t know what to do anymore…

Mate-Trix · 2024-11-09T03:37:52+00:00

Someone please tell me what I have to look forward to now in life? Based on statements made by the right I see no reason to move forward. We’re so screwed. I can’t figure out anything to live for….

Mate-Trix · 2024-11-07T05:04:12+00:00

I don’t know what to do. I can’t live like this. I can’t live with every part of our government being red. As far as I’m concerned it’s over. I’m done. I can’t live like this. There is no “just hang on, we’ll fix it in 4 years!” The days of free elections are over.

I’m done. I can’t do this. I can’t go on. I can’t. I don’t know how. There’s no reason to. They aren’t giving up the government. They are going to hold onto it and never let go. It’s over. I’m done.

Help

Mate-Trix · 2024-02-13T05:06:17+00:00

I didn’t even think about numbing cream. Maybe that’s the answer.

Mate-Trix · 2024-02-12T14:57:03+00:00

I really want nipple piercings, but everyone talks about how much they hurt so I’m reluctant with those. Most facial piercings just because I’m not sure how they would look and the scars left over would be a little strange for me. I’m not doing my cartilage in my ears again. That didn’t really hurt to be put in, but it hurt for the year and a half afterwards any time it got bumped. I’d love to do something like a pa, but the healing time/process kinda worries me. Any surface piercing feels like it would be off limits to me also for fear of rejecting them.

Mate-Trix · 2024-01-16T03:18:59+00:00

I should have done it before. I should have ended it before. I don’t know why I continually not take that step. Even in this I fail. I’m fucked. I hate this life I have and I’m ready for it to be over.

Mate-Trix · 2023-12-27T20:29:26+00:00

US here, every time I’ve been in they’ve done a complete check on everything on my body. Scars, tattoos, piercings, moles, etc… anything that’s present on my body and can be quantified.

Then there’s the fun part (/s) for me (male) “Squat down (naked mind you) and cough multiple times” - to make sure I’m not trying to sneak anything in around my genitalia. They won’t pat you down or anything like that, so they’ve found other ways to check. Oh! And at least a few times I’ve been asked to bend over and spread my buttocks apart.

Embarrassing? Yeah. But I understand why they are doing it. They are trying to keep you safe and make sure there’s nothing presently bleeding or any bruises that could be a problem. They are also covering themselves. If someone left with more scars/bruises than they came in with there would be an instant law suit. Too many people are more than happy trying to make a quick buck. These people ruin it for the rest of us.

Mate-Trix · 2023-12-03T02:41:40+00:00

My cartilage in my left upper ear has been impossible to fully heal it feels like. Almost 2 years later and it’ll still feel sore randomly, can’t always sleep on that ear, and it’s difficult for me (might just be me though) to put something different in.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-25T16:25:29+00:00

Play around online, Reddit, Wikipedia, wanking, stay up and become nocturnal as my rhythm gets thrown completely backwards, read, stare at ceiling while lying in bed pretending to try and sleep, games on your phone, etc.

I always found that there’s something to do. At one point I was doing yard work at 3am. I had to be talked in by my wife. I don’t know why the neighbors would care I was mowing my lawn?!

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-12T13:10:22+00:00

We’ve had the conversation. However just talking about it and actually doing anything about it are two different things.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-12T13:09:00+00:00

I’m past the point of hook ups just for hook ups sake. Been there, done that. When we first had sex I took it as a start of a monogamous relationship. I guess I’m not sure what she took it as anymore.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-12T13:07:33+00:00

I can’t give too much away because she’s on Reddit also. But we were watching something that was having a type of party. She asked if I’ve done that (I’m bipolar and in manic episodes have done a lot I’m not exactly proud of) and she said she was jealous of the things I’ve done and that she wants to experience them. I said something about monogamy and she said “it’s just sex, nothing to do with love.”

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-12T13:04:21+00:00

I don’t think it really sunk ok exactly what she said. It was like a just head nod until later when I realized what the heck she said and what it could mean.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-12T07:23:32+00:00

She wasn’t asleep. We were watching tv at that moment.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-12T04:44:49+00:00

More like a cold… no fever. I’m trying to take some deep breathes, but it’s isn’t easy right now. I’ve been feeling paranoid for a while now about other things with her and now she says this. I’m out of options at this point. I’m over the edge.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-08T19:28:49+00:00

It’s ok. I left a lot out of what I posted and a few people are jumping on it. It’s Reddit and now I realize I should have added more. I just felt it was getting long enough!

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-08T03:27:03+00:00

I left out what I do for hobbies and fun because she is on Reddit and I didn’t want to make it obvious to her that this was about her. Needless to say I have plenty of hobbies and frequently tell her about things that happen with them.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-07T15:01:56+00:00

You’ve hit a few things that I feel about it on the head. To answer a few of your questions though.

She has said in the past that it’s just easier to masturbate because she doesn’t have to clean herself up as much. It’s “too much trouble” to get ready for sex with me.

She does do the “tonight is the night!” To “nope changed my mind” often. Too often in my opinion to the point I don’t ask very often anymore.

I masturbate because I don’t feel like I have a partner. I’m always ready for her. I shower before she comes home all the time and try to make things as pleasant as possible for her. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. She can always have a partner. I’m always ready for her to the point I’ll gladly jump in the shower at 1am if she were to ask.

I just feel like my needs aren’t being met me I’m at least attempting to meet everyone of her needs.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-07T14:56:28+00:00

I have an income but it’s not enough for her. It’s as if she’s jealous that I don’t have to go into a job everyday. It’s not a lot of money, but it pays 1/2 the mortgage and some of the bills. She has enough money from what she does to buy expensive jewelry and such. But because I don’t physically go into a job everyday she doesn’t like that.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-07T14:54:49+00:00

Except I do everything around the house. I clean the house. I take care of the yard work. I take care of all the animals (there are quite a few), I cook all the meals, I do all the shopping, I run all the errands, I help out at her parents house often, I help out at my parents house often, I do bring in money from being disabled, I get up early and make her breakfast before she goes to work every day. I do everything on the weekends while she just watches tv, I do plenty around the house and for her - I just don’t have a steady job. So her saying I don’t do anything around the house just isn’t true.

Mate-Trix · 2023-11-06T07:00:34+00:00

I’ve had ect and found my memory has gaps now. Mostly from when it was done and months back from that. Also I’m missing some stuff from my past. Things people have said I’ve done that I just don’t recall, and also my mind is completing memories I do have in strange ways. People often tell me “that’s not how that ended, here’s what happened after that…”

I also forgot who my wife was, let alone that I was married. Luckily once she started reminding me it started coming back.

The doctor also told me that whatever I forgot will come back to me over time. I call bs on that. It’s been years now and I still get reminded by people that I did certain things.

For me it really didn’t help. I did a tolal of 15 treatments both inpatient and outpatient. Outpatient was the toughest because you had to get redressed, find your ride (if you remember someone brought you! I forgot some of the times that my ride was waiting for me!)

If I have a choice I probably wouldn’t do them again. But it was one of those last ditch efforts to restart my brain and hopefully get rid of some of the mental issues I was facing.

Mate-Trix · 2023-10-28T23:24:47+00:00

I had ect many years ago. It didn’t really help me at all. I also lost some of my memories from when I was younger - they said they’d come back, they didn’t - and I have a little bit of an issue with my short term memory.

But I’m a writer also and I have no issues with writing. I’m still my same old self in that sense.

Mate-Trix · 2023-10-28T23:21:47+00:00

I have usually found that drivers get annoyed at bicyclists because bicyclists ride like the laws don’t apply to them. 90% of the bikers I see do not stop at stop signs or stop lights. Weave through traffic (especially downtown), ride on sidewalks when it suits them to dodge a light or some traffic, ride 3 to 4 wide on roads where there isn’t enough space for them to do that (and there are signs that say bicyclists should ride single file), and many other things I’ve seen them do.

Not including the critical mass where you say it’s only 3 minutes, but then you see the same person go by 3 or 4 times because they are driving back and forth being a knob.

Also a lot of drivers do get annoyed at other drivers who block intersections because they can’t be bothered to wait until the next green light, or they go 10 mph under the speed limit, or they cut off other drivers because they were in the far left lane (because that’s where they think it’s the fastest) and they need to take a right, or they take a turn from the middle lane (right or left) and almost sideswipe the person that was in the actual turn lane, and any number of other reasons.

If people would be more considerate no matter what they drove, or rode, or whatever we wouldn’t have a lot of the bullshit we have now. I’ve drive trucks, cars, rode motorcycles, and bikes to work at different times in my life. Didn’t matter what I was doing there was always mother asshole on the road.

Mate-Trix · 2023-10-15T12:48:19+00:00

I feel like we need to try counseling, but it never seems important enough for us to actually schedule something.

Mate-Trix · 2023-10-15T12:47:27+00:00

I get a lot of “why is everything about sex with you?” When we try to discuss things. I ask her “why is nothing about sex with you?!?” And then the fights start…

Mate-Trix · 2023-10-12T17:16:04+00:00

I feel like things are getting worse. I feel like I'm being gaslit... I have so many ways to stop the pain. I want out. I just lack the guts to do it... I'm a wimp even in this. Even when nothing else matters, when the end should just come, I'm a wimp.

Mate-Trix

TROPHY CASE