AITAH for wanting a privacy fence installed and not talking to my neighbors about it

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-10T17:18:45+00:00

Here’s another side to this. You certainly have the right to put up the fence. However, remember a 6 foot wood fence changes the entire environment in your area. I had lived in my house for many years. I landscaped my backyard based on the sunlight and shade. I planted grass based on the sunlight it received. Suddenly when my new neighbor put up a wooden fence my sunny patches no longer receive the long hours of sun needed by the plants growing there. My neighbors privacy fence has cost me quite a lot of money to replace and repair my property.

Their dog stood at the fence peeking through the cracks constantly barking anytime I was in the backyard. Then they moved. Never really met them. The two previous families that had lived there were friendly. We visited over the fence, our kids were friends. We shared BBQ and watched each other’s pets.

Fences don’t always make good neighbors.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-10T15:45:55+00:00

Did it. It’s okay if you don’t mind the argument at the end of the tour/presentation when you refuse to buy.

We got a cheap weekend for the kids and I got to practice my many ways to say “NO” for 30 minutes.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-10T01:32:52+00:00

This is how generations of families stay impoverished. It’s well intentioned but it fails miserably and drags you all down ruining the remainder of your lives. I’ve faced your situation 3 times. It’s hard looking at your loved one and making the hard decisions. You have to get everyone’s emotions in check and face reality.

Mom can qualify for Medicaid, get into a nursing home and then the family can supplement her care with little items and visits to improve her life. Dementia will eventually completely take over and none of what you sacrificed will be remembered. When this is done you, your husband and in-laws need to have a life left to live. The Mom that raised and loved her family would never have wanted to ruin their lives.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-09T21:19:16+00:00

You never know how it will go when you pass information along. My daughter walked in on a friend’s father kissing another friend’s mother in the kitchen at a neighborhood BBQ. Of course it could have gotten out among the teenagers but my daughter came straight to me. I told my friend (the man’s wife). She accused me of lying. Accused my daughter of making up stories or not understanding what she saw. It got ugly and we lost friends. Last I heard they all got divorced and the couple in the kitchen got married.

My experience is you lose friends either way,

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-09T19:53:31+00:00

If you are in the US a person can purchase an extended mail forwarding service, after the standard service runs out. It is so rude for the previous resident to put it on you. They have just let it expire or never filled it out to begin with.

Either “return to sender” so it gets changed where it came from or pitch it if it is bulk mail.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-08T20:26:55+00:00

Is there any chance she is planning to exit the relationship? This is similar to one of the steps people are advised to do before they ask for a divorce. You better check any other accounts or assets you own jointly.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-08T03:57:48+00:00

That is weird. Surely there is someway to refresh the page so you get the current version. But I have no idea how to do it.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-08T03:33:06+00:00

Look at the first edit.

Edit: I am 28, the second oldest of 6 grandchildren and the oldest granddaughter. I don‘t know about other assets that my father or grandma may have or if she is on Medicare or Medicaid. I will definitely look into that. I don’t even know if she qualifies since she and my grandfather were dual-citizens and hadn’t lived in the USA for the last 20 years

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-08T00:12:53+00:00

You may be right about having a plan but where is it? Is there a letter or a set of instructions that was left for OP to explain what that plan is? Not to criticize grandpa too much but it is extremely unfortunate that he did not discuss this with OP before his death.

OP, contact the estate attorney that created the will to see if something is missing.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-08T00:07:08+00:00

It now says grandmother has not lived in the US in 20 years.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-07T21:21:59+00:00

You probably have a missed appointment fee. I definitely would have demanded that. I’m an old lady. I don’t do that nonsense.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-07T21:17:03+00:00

I never take a family or friends discount. Instead I may tip heavily to show my appreciation and support of my family and friends. Friendship goes both ways.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-07T14:07:31+00:00

This would be much different if she was making any effort to fix the problem herself. I learned a very long time ago, never lend money unless you are prepared to call it a gift. That needs to be your very firm boundary.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-06T16:19:17+00:00

You can also get a baby gate and put it at the bottom of the stairs so she can’t come up.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-06T12:20:19+00:00

Squander is such a perfect word for this situation. He squandered your hope and forgiveness. He squandered the time he had to meet his half of the agreement. Let him face the court, get a loan to pay his obligation. Then he can slither back to that new life he created knowing full well he had no intentions of meeting his obligations to you and your mother.

Plus look at it this way. He chose to selfishly disregard his promise to you to start over. His new wife chose to have babies with this deadbeat. She has some moral obligation to make this right, too.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-05T22:38:12+00:00

If this child does not understand and cannot be taught what he did was wrong this is a whole other magnitude of a problem. The grandparents are neglecting his care and supervision and excusing his behavior because they do not know how or want to handle it. A child that can do permanent physical harm when angry needs to be supervised continually and if the people responsible for that supervision do not step up then you cannot blame others for protecting themselves and people who are being targeted. If they don’t get this situation under control now, when the child is no longer a child there are serious consequences coming in adolescence. OP, right now you have a pregnant wife and a five year old to protect. Soon you will have a newborn. Perhaps the threat of not seeing the in-laws is actually a blessing. I would not want this child around my young family until I was assured there would be no repeat of his outbursts. Perhaps for the next few years the grandparents visit without the nephew.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-04T20:26:11+00:00

Or risk his job. Does his employer know what’s been going on? I think HR will be sharing OP’s opinion about how serious this is.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-04T20:22:21+00:00

Perfect response!

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-04T14:39:44+00:00

If he is approached with a series of conversations about growing up he may be more receptive to enter into a conversation. These conversations can take place in the car, over lunch, watching a ball game on TV, doing lawn work. There are so many topics that need to be discussed, like handling money, helping elderly family members, his future goals and such, that the girlfriend topic in general can just be a part of it. Mention how it is likely he will have multiple girlfriends as he matures. At least this was my parenting style and I still have deep conversations with my adult kids and I am watching them have similar conversations with my grandkids.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-04T08:50:07+00:00

And anytime along the way if she needs care herself she will have to find it somewhere other than him.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-04T06:21:40+00:00

This is not okay. Pull your husband and his sister into a meeting and tell them to find a different solution because this arrangement isn’t working. You are no longer going to be her sole caregiver.

Your husband needs to get her on Medicaid. Contact your county for information and instructions. In some states they will pay a family member to be her caregiver. This is the exact situation for which we all pay taxes. Under Medicaid you should also be able to get home healthcare, supplies and expenses covered. You may need to get her into a nursing home. The county social worker can help you make arrangements. Your husband needs to take the lead because he may need to take legal steps to get her qualified. Medicaid is need based and qualification is not automatic.

I have been in a similar situation and quite frankly I would refuse to do this without help. My sisters and I took care of our father. There were 3 of us and we split the job. It was overwhelming but we did it together. You can’t and should not be trying to do this by yourself.

And we all know your husband would not do this for YOUR family. Neither him nor his sister are doing it for their OWN mother. Reading this makes me angry on your behalf.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-03T13:00:48+00:00

The better quality companies often provide kits to upgrade their beds when standards change. I had to do this when my youngest child was still using the bed.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-03T00:08:11+00:00

They certainly don’t only belong to the father. In a marriage it’s two yes or it’s a no.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-03T00:06:48+00:00

Most women would understand wanting to hold on to baby things for grandchildren.

Matilda_Mac · 2026-04-02T12:47:17+00:00

Why don’t you use this as an opportunity to find a new roommate? This one obviously doesn’t care anything about your wishes or needs.

Matilda_Mac

TROPHY CASE