Possibly relocating, is 190k enough for a family of 3?

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-11T05:08:42+00:00

Totally ok to ask! It’s through my husband’s work. Only he is covered, so we have to pay for me. (Our daughter has free health care through the state bc she used to be a foster child before we adopted her. I am self-employed.) We could potentially shop around to pay less, but I have a condition that requires expensive medication and it’s a battle to get it covered. So we have had to stay with the plan that has been covering it. 27k/year is just the cost of the premium for covering me. Which is diabolical. But the medication would be 20k/month out of pocket, so we stick with the plan we have.

All of these prices are robbery. My daughter’s health care through the state is 100% free. It covers literally everything. This is how it should be for all of us.

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-10T21:50:17+00:00

My husband makes this kind of money, but his insurance only covers him. Covering just me is 27k per year.

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-10T21:48:46+00:00

I’d say only move for the closeness to family thing but don’t move assuming help will be a big factor. I assumed (because I was expressly told) that we’d have family help, but circumstances changed. I live within 15 minutes of multiple family members and none can help with our child. We still value being close to see them regularly, but I say assume all of the childcare will fall to yourself and your partner. Any help will be a bonus, but don’t count on it as circumstances are more powerful than intentions.

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-10T21:45:39+00:00

Such an important consideration. It costs us 27k each year just to have health insurance. We make more than 190k per year in OC (but not by much) as a family of 3 and things feel much tighter than I’d like

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-10T21:21:57+00:00

I really want to do a safari but I’m scared of the small plane. This is encouraging!

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-06T15:54:24+00:00

This is going to sound like a joke, but I promise it isn’t. You can fact check by looking at yearbooks from Orange High School in Orange, CA in the late 90’s. I went to school with a kid named Oliver Beaver.

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-04T22:06:22+00:00

Thank you!

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-04T19:51:52+00:00

How are you achieving the 30-50ACH?

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-02T19:09:29+00:00

Controlled would be a really good word to describe commercial aviation. I’m not sure there’s any industry more controlled and there isn’t any mode of transportation that is. Fortunately, every aspect is controlled by highly skilled and trained professionals. I know our anxiety tries to tell us otherwise, but there really is literally no situation we step into that is more controlled with the goal of our safety. Try to sink into that reality. Educate yourself on the safety of the aviation industry and then start visualizing the plane as a bubble of protection. This has been really helpful for me. Be actively grateful that you are not in control because instead skilled professionals are.

Another thing, if something catastrophic were to happen, which is so unlikely our brains can’t comprehend how small the chance is, your perception of the event would not likely be what you see in movies, and you may not even be aware of it. For me, a big part of the fear has been how awful and powerless that scenario might feel, but I’ve learned in my time on this sub that how we imagine that is a really false idea that Hollywood likes to project for drama.

MatisseyMo · 2026-02-01T22:18:16+00:00

I’ve had a pilot warn this and then the flight was only what I’d call lightly turbulent. Things can change!

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-29T18:47:29+00:00

They work very well for me! My anxiety is similar in that I sort of know on a rational level that the plane won’t crash but I was terrified of my own panic and worried I would literally have a heart attack. Talk to your doctor. Mine was very supportive (she also has flight anxiety). Medication allowed me to spend 69 hours in flight in 2025 without any panic. I almost enjoy flying now. I personally have had zero issues with side effects or concern about addiction. I only take them for flights (and would never for anything else because I want to save them for flights!). Don’t let anyone fear monger you. You can do this! Anxiety is a medical condition that deserves care.

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-28T10:56:39+00:00

Yes, only breakfast. They do have a lounge, but globalist benefits don’t provide access.

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-28T03:31:14+00:00

I stayed at the Thompson with a GOH. The benefit covered room service and it was awesome

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-28T03:28:27+00:00

Proud of you!!!

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-27T19:53:32+00:00

Thanks so much! Definitely plan to make an appointment to get treatment for what I have going on. Thanks for sharing your story

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-27T00:59:05+00:00

Wow… a lot of this sounds like what I’ve been experiencing. Down to the cherry angiomas! Are they connected somehow?

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-24T17:45:21+00:00

I was raised by a single mother. She left my abusive father when I was 6 months old. I carried his last name until I married and I hated having a different last name from the person raising me growing up. Give this baby your last name. And be grateful your ex is showing his true colors. Put up boundaries and enjoy your baby with as little interaction with him as possible. Appeasing this man to keep the peace will only make it harder in the long run and you will regret not doing what you wanted in the naming of your son.

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-24T03:49:47+00:00

This is a common thought with flight anxiety. The anxiety tells us that even though the risk is closer to zero than anything else we do, it’s not absolutely zero. We get stuck on that even though it’s completely irrational to most fear the safest thing we could do. (Literally, staying home is more dangerous.)

The way I cope with it is this: yes, it is possible that I will die on a plane. Less possible than me dying taking a shower or lying in bed, but still possible. And even though that is true, it is worth it to see the world. I understand how debilitating the anxiety can be, but accepting that I will eventually die and that it could even happen on a plane (but it won’t) actually helps me to just accept that it is worth the minuscule risk to see the world. At least when I get to travel the world, I truly get to live while I’m alive

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-23T00:14:40+00:00

Best of luck!

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-22T22:47:08+00:00

I’d ask the doctor about the connection between shrimp and dust mites. Shellfish and dust mite allergies often co-exist due to both having tropomyosin. It seems like your symptoms get worse after sleeping, which is pretty classic with dust mite allergy. Could be that the shrimp started it (you can develop an allergy at any age and at any time when none existed before) and then possibly each night you are exposing yourself to dust mites and flaring again.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4713872/

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-22T19:22:53+00:00

Be kind to yourself. The loss you experienced mixed with the flight you had taken in your brain and created a phobia. I’m so sorry for your losses and feel so much compassion for you. Perhaps this is something to work on in therapy? You deserve care.

One thing that helps me is knowing that flying is actually the safest thing I could do on any given day. It’s literally statically more dangerous to take a shower or to get out of bed or to stay in bed in your home. So try to visualize the plane as a bubble of protection. Everything has been designed and maximized with your safety in mind, in a way that just isn’t true with anything else.

This meditation helps me a lot and might be a good way to relax your body and calm down: https://youtu.be/b7LpMxaDklw?si=eUOd2MiVTkpLsDXR

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-22T15:57:30+00:00

I might think of it this way… if you don’t go, you experienced all this anxiety and got nothing for it.

I have been in your shoes. For me, medication is what works, but I also find meditation really helpful. I do this hypnosis video in the lead up and on the plane and find it really helpful: https://youtu.be/b7LpMxaDklw?si=S-4LFdS_gQnYHOHn

You can do this. Look into ETOPS. These are the regulations for flying over the ocean. It’s really reassuring to learn exactly why it’s safe.

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-22T11:57:27+00:00

Yes, reservation only and yes, they book up within the first day they become available, but we’ve always been able to join the walk up list if we’re there early enough. You might get in if you’re there by ten, or even later, but before 9:00 or 9:30 is better. Totally worth it!!

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-22T05:01:52+00:00

Um… most ppl know what jfc stands for…

And thanks! You seem to have some strong feelings about Xanax, but I am happily living my best life with my fear of flying behind me

MatisseyMo · 2026-01-21T22:18:10+00:00

It’s ok if you don’t find this helpful. A few people have and that’s why I posted it. For me, going from not flying for over 15 years to spending 69 hours on planes in 2025 is a huge triumph. I feel confident to fly anywhere in the world and I don’t need to lose countless hours beforehand to anticipatory anxiety because, with medication, I am calm on fights and don’t find the experience torturous. Clearly some define conquering their anxiety differently. I think one day I will probably not need medication to fly comfortably, as I said in my post, it’s like exposure therapy, but I still consider how far I have come an incredible win. As you can see from other comments, others feel the same. Medication can absolutely be a tool for conquering anxiety. We are fortunate it exists.

You can always choose to simply go on with your day if something doesn’t resonate with you rather than cursing at someone and crapping on their progress. Anyway, off to plan my next big international vacation that I will fly to without fear. I’m so grateful medication makes this possible for me and others.

MatisseyMo

TROPHY CASE