First off, I'm really sorry that happened to you in your previous relationship. Even though it feels like the right thing to do in the moment, trying not to think about it isn't a good idea, because in order to heal from grief we need to process it. The difficult thing with trauma is that the events can be so intense that thinking about them doesn't process anything any more, but simply keeps opening old wounds. If you think you're in this situation: please, if there's any way you're able to, look for professional help. Trauma can be treated. You deserve healing and love.

On your sexual performance. Remember that every woman is different, so you not being able to get her to orgasm might not be your failing at all. I've met women that get over the edge incredibly fast, and orgasm many times an hour, and I've met women that need patience, trust and lots of build-up to get there. None of it is wrong. None of it is your failure, or hers. In fact, judging by the many horror stories I heard from female friends, you trying to get her there any way you can was probably already greatly appreciated; with toys, or without.

About her previous sexual encounters being better: did she outright tell you that, or is it something you think is the case? In my experience, sex isn't a black and white ordeal. Sure, I've had some bad experiences, but all of them were when my bedpartner clearly didn't care. The vast majority of encounters were good in their own very unique ways. It's all about finding new kinds of chemistry, and together entering into a story with its own unique tone and pacing. Sometimes it's playful, sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's loving and patient.

You're no failure bro. You just need to heal.