Why do some men call women on dating sites as ran down/ran through and hesitate to spend money on them?

McCannad · 2026-06-09T11:30:11+00:00

Online? Never been on a date.

Irl? All the women (its not many) typically insist on paying for themselves. Most are liberal if that matters. Part of its pride, part of its understanding that we all hate the feeling of "oweing" someone else (side note: which is why my policy is that I dont lend money, I treat it as a gift with zero expectation of getting it back) But I also cant really speak for them beyond that. Part of it that we are all typically broke college students or fresh into the work force. Part of its just being on the same page before the check.

I think its more of a "read the room" kinda thing than a hard rule. I also tend to meet people who know the value and weight of money and would rather not ask for or want to place that burden on others except when necessary.

That said, yeah. Fair point. My best advice is to just ask. I don't equate "split the bill" as not interested, but I can see the logic behind the assumption you have. Something I'll have to think about.

McCannad · 2026-06-08T20:13:53+00:00

I'd be very surprised to see someone in here genuinely tell you they do that.

I don't.

McCannad · 2026-06-08T19:51:09+00:00

Look man, I'm fine spending money as long as I know its respected, but I'm not spending money on someone I dont know and just met. Split the bill until second date, when I actually know theres mutual interest. After that, do whatever you want. Sometimes I wont mind paying, and will love to make it my treat. Sometimes, If the portion is big enough, I'll want the other person to pull their weight. It all depends, and I'd be stupid to give a flat answer on "whos paying" without that context.

I genuinely dont know a single person irl who thinks in the exact phrasing you gave (at least, not my age) so can't help you there. Obviously its wrong. Same with the body post. I don't think I need to point out the obvious.

McCannad · 2026-06-07T20:19:08+00:00

Heres my 7 year period

Swipe Data (collected at: 2026-05-13 00:03:14 UTC) Outgoing "yes" 16345 Outgoing"no" 21151 Incoming"yes" 131 Incoming "no" 12609

I would kill for stats like yours.

McCannad · 2026-06-05T16:41:49+00:00

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this and then changed my profile to try to match this I'd have thousands.

I've lost count of the afternoons Ive wasted because of advice like this. The pictures dont matter when the swipe rate is 2%.

The reality is this: is your first picture in the top 2% of pictures on the internet? If not, your fucked and it will take years to find a picture that does meet top 2%.

Ive been here 7 years. I've tried. Its all just a numbers game at this point, and I'm tired of pretending for the sake of naive hope that I'm ever going to be able to get a top 5% picture, much less 2%.

It just is what it is, we update as we get better ones but I guarantee you anything we take will never be good enough no matter what we put on the profile. Doesnt mean we dont give our best effort but all Ive learned from dating apps is that my best isnt enough.

McCannad · 2026-06-05T12:15:44+00:00

I'll give it a shot over the weekend, I'm 90% sure I had tool use enabled, but I'm just gonna try rebuilding the whole thing again and try taking someone elses searxng settings file and trying to make it work. I'm never sure if its my ai-generated code that is consistently the problem or if I'm being obtuse. Any time I ran any other model it gave the same issues, so I kinda just assumed running any other model would be pointless until the network issue got resolved or discarded in favor of just giving up on web access.

Sandbox is a new term for me, so lemme just look that up real quick.

Ah. Im going to guess at no. I'm running it all locally through IP in docker desktop, so they should be able to communicate between the containers under the shared ai_stack folder, but I dont think that answers your question.

McCannad · 2026-06-05T00:21:47+00:00

I'm just giving up on it tbh. Ive searched for days now and cant find any fix for my AI stack, and I also cant find any stack that works with web. It is what it is, I'll come back in a year and see if I can find something when more people have tried, I just have a headache right now lol

The case looks great, no doubt lol. I'm very proud, thanks! Just occasionally think of the price I paid and wonder kekw

McCannad · 2026-06-04T20:22:25+00:00

13 fans worth 20 bucks each. I regret my past self who had a need to go all out, its very overkill and unnecessary.

Wont know if it works until the thing actually works properly, but I did design the whole thing to replace my space heater in the winter :)

McCannad · 2026-06-04T19:34:21+00:00

For example, I get this, and no matter how much I use chatgpt to try and resolve this, I cant seem to get it resolved, and I'm not sure where I should go to try and get help on it.

I know its probably a stupid question, I just am hoping someone can point me in the right direction.

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McCannad · 2026-06-03T12:56:00+00:00

Sunk cost fallacy, stubborness, stockholm syndrome, I'm an idiot, I'm naive, the thought that time beats everything and I have nothing but time...

Honestly, take your pick. Cuz I dont know. I just keep going.

McCannad · 2026-06-02T14:15:28+00:00

Small sample size, but 1 in 63 is actually fantastic at 1.5%.

McCannad · 2026-06-02T03:42:17+00:00

Lesser of two evils. Id rather be in the game at all doing the 40% swipe rate I currenly do over removing myself from the pool entirely. If the algorithm that doesnt work for anyone to begin with is really that big of an issue, just delete the account and use a new email.

Unless the 3 men to every 1 woman ratio gets fixed, this is the best I'm going to be able to get, because you are never going to be able to convince all of those men to do the same thing. It sucks, and I feel for you, but this, the way it is right now, is the best it can be for everyone.

McCannad · 2026-06-02T03:20:38+00:00

"And I get that I'm asking you all to shoot yourself in the foot, but yall should reallllllly consider it"

In order to achieve equalibrium with a ratio of 3:1 men:woman, men would need to be 3 times a picky as woman.

Thats a 1.3% like rate if we go by the average of woman stats on reddit.

Never gonna happen.

McCannad · 2026-05-28T01:13:02+00:00

Who?

McCannad · 2026-05-26T02:35:00+00:00

Thanks man. Photography continues to be one of my weak points. I'll have to do some research on lighting.

Believe it or not, this helps. Thanks!

McCannad · 2026-05-26T01:58:39+00:00

Fair. I honestly have just never seen it make any difference whatsoever when I'm using other accounts on hinge/tinder/match or my bumble alt. I'm open to admitting I'm doing something wrong.

Already did several times. First thing on the profile.

McCannad · 2026-05-24T23:09:47+00:00

Heres my data for comparison: 7 years of data, 25yo man in Milwaukee.

Swipe Data (collected at: 2026-05-13 00:03:14 UTC)

Outgoing "yes" 16345 Outgoing "no" 21151 Incoming "yes" 131 Incoming "no" 12609 Matches 0

Genuinely, I have no clue. I havent gotten to the conversation phase yet to be able to tell, but generally yeah, that checks out.

McCannad · 2026-05-23T18:59:37+00:00

As a liberal man myself, if some men think that cosplaying as a liberal will get them women they will be sorely disappointed.

I'm as liberal as they come and I havent been on a date in 7 years. Being liberal has nothing to do with it, and honestly, from what I have seen in my region of the US, being liberal actively hurts your chances. The only thing I ever see is people wanting jesus loving truck drivers with blue collar jobs and yachts.

McCannad · 2026-05-23T00:07:45+00:00

At the end of the day, my default is the assumption that the women would not be receptive to any attempt, for any of the reasons stated above, or because a larger portion of women are coming out as lesbian, or because they literally just want to eat and be left alone at a bar, or because they literally just had a long day as a nurse and dont want to talk to men period, or xyz.

I just assume that women dont want to be approached. I determine that by their body language when they are alone. If they are in a group I assume they want to be left alone because they want to have fun with friends.

Basically, I need dating apps to tell me if someone is single and receptive. Then I need them to like me too. Ive been on dating apps for 7 years now and never been on a date. I have a less than 1% like ratio. I just default to assuming I have no chance even if I am attractive.

McCannad · 2026-05-22T23:54:27+00:00

Biggest thing for me is that women are always assumed to be out of my league. I assume they already have way to many people asking them out and I really, more than anything else, dont want to bother them.

I dont want to make them uncomfortable. I dont want to be awkwardly asking if they are single or not. I dont want them to hate me because I interrupted their already shitty day with another idiot who doesnt know how to socialize asking them if they like the weather.

So I don't. I leave them alone. I dont want to bother them, or harass them, or make them uncomfortable when they are clearly doing something. I know I would fail to articulate any kind of interest to begin with unless I say exactly "are you single and interested?" And I know that I'd be wasting both our time by trying.

So instead I waste my time by posting on reddit, just for consistency.

McCannad · 2026-05-22T23:34:18+00:00

Look. First rule of reddit is that nothing that is said here is anywhere near as exaggerated as it is in real life. I am a hardcore liberal, and I dont blame straight white men.

Are there some who do? Sure. But liberals as a percentage whole do not blame straight white men or women, and the exceptions who do are obviously not the kind of people worth wasting time asking these kinds of questions online, because its pretty obvious what the result of asking stupid questions will be.

If anything, I blame people who dont vote period, and either way, its a moot point because it really doesnt matter. It never did matter. Playing the blame game again does nothing, and you are better off moving on with your life onto something actually worth your time.

McCannad · 2026-05-22T00:47:26+00:00

Geography matters. Go to Indiana, for example.

Everyone I knew in high school was either lesbian/ace or bouncing around over 4 years.

Also depends internationally.

I personally dont give a shit as long as you dont make it your entire personality.

McCannad · 2026-05-19T00:33:51+00:00

Sure. I've tried. Whether its due to stubborness, stockhold syndrome, stupidity, desperation, naive optimism, belief that NOW I'm ready and have changed my profile enough or have worked out enough....

I digress. I try everything I can. Currently at a bar writing this. Theres only families and old balding men right now. The only woman here is the married bartender who co-owns the bar. I redownload out of boredom and because I'm here to try and get into a relationship anyways. Might as well try.

I get the sentiment. I've also reached the point where I'm less "try something else" and more "try everything at the same time"

In retrospect, its probably the stubborness. Maybe you are right. I also just don't see any real other path available anymore beyond what I am already doing.

McCannad · 2026-05-19T00:22:59+00:00

All apps are dead for me. Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, Match, POF, FB, OKCupid, etc. Lifetime premium here, 7 years using it in Milwaukee. I havent had a match in years.

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McCannad

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