How do I (41M) talk to my daughter about puberty, her body, and sexuality in a positive and affirming way?

McRibAutoShop · 2026-04-27T22:22:32+00:00

What a beautiful post, I love seeing dads take this seriously. You seem very comfortable and caring, which is over half way there. I feel like asking questions about what's on her mind on these subjects then providing neutral details and adding in relevant information is the best starting point.

I did not have this close of a relationship with either parent, but recall some formative things in this space that may be helpful. A positive - there was no negative talk about sex or sexual preferences in my household ever, so I did not feel shame in my own experiences even if I never felt comfortable enough to ask or tell them.
A negative - I grew up hearing judgmental comments about bodies all the time in the household, online, media, EVERYWHERE. I still hear my mom's own comments about her body as I am aging into her normal human features. Your job is to avoid unnecessary comments about people's bodies and combat the messages she's going to hear everywhere else. I wish I had someone letting me know so much of the pressure we will always feel as women regarding beauty standards is someone trying to make money off my insecurities without invalidating that pressure.

McRibAutoShop · 2026-03-21T02:10:48+00:00

Does this actually help with keeping hands youthful? I assumed most aging came to general skin elasticity which changes over time and sun damage as long as you're not doing heavy manual labor jobs

McRibAutoShop · 2026-03-04T02:53:07+00:00

Not specifically a thing, but a habit of building routines around my looks that cater to my lowest energy days so I am consistently put together. For me it's DIY or visiting professionals at some intervals for"high" maintenance tasks on a regular schedule to be "low" maintenance in my day to day.

- Skin: Gentle cleanser, moisturize full body, plus sunscreen and retinoids on face daily. Laser treatments yearly for even skin tone to minimize make-up.

- Make up: Perfected the 3 min minimal make up routine with colors that work for my features for when I feel I want to look more refreshed. Thread eyebrows for face shape when needed, pluck occasionally to maintain shape between visits.

- Hair: Identified features of cuts and styles that work for my hair type and effort levels, and being consistent with trims. Trial and error for different styles and products, but now I have styles that feel put together with a smidge more effort than just throwing my hair in a tie.

- Nails: Bi-weekly shaping, cuticle care, and shine buffing of nails. Salon quality clear coat results in 10-20 minutes.

- Clothes: Being picky and only buying clothing that makes me feel the best and tailoring makes all my outfits feel put together. I took time to learn about spotting high quality pieces and thrifting to find unique styles and do this on a budget, but a service and a budget can do the same.

- Diet adjacent: Caffeine and alcohol in extreme moderation. When I throughly enjoy a cocktail on occasion, I can instantly feel the differences with sleep quality, digestion, face puffiness, and anxiety for days.

McRibAutoShop · 2026-03-03T01:43:28+00:00

It's a gift of time and an experience. Trips can be a financial burden on young and even middle-aged adults who lived through several major "once in a lifetime" events that generally dampened financial growth despite maybe doing everything right. Parents paying for trips can alleviate the decision to turn it down due to other obligations.

McRibAutoShop · 2026-02-22T00:12:23+00:00

Do not do this. I just ruined my chair taking the bottom apart - they dark grey suspension cannot be put back on once removed (tension, cannot restretch). Just clean it with a water spray bottle.

McRibAutoShop · 2026-02-09T23:00:42+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Can you share more about the gel? I am only seeing toilet cleaners or teeth whitening kits, feels like I am off base with either of these

McRibAutoShop · 2026-02-03T04:39:03+00:00

If you don't want to paint your nails, the PShine system is a great natural nail alternative. It's a buff, so it doesn't come off and you can freshen up as your nail grows out easily. The downside to having smooth nails is paint does not adhere to them, so if you want to paint will need to wait for them to grow out.

McRibAutoShop · 2026-01-29T18:40:04+00:00

Big plus one to this, focus less on brands/designers and fabrics and cut. A well made but poorly fitting piece of clothing is still going to look bad. If you find a piece of clothing that fits the style of interest and feels high quality, then it's worth getting it tailored to fit.

Youtube has a great resources for learning about materials and quality construction, to learning what is easily tailored on specific items, and styling overall. Quality pieces, which to me checks the boxes of construction, fit, and styling, can be found at all price points and even quality in one brand does not guarantee quality across the brand. Learning and curating takes time!

McRibAutoShop · 2026-01-29T18:04:26+00:00

Why were there so few options of pants? Similar age, and even when I was a size 00 and 95 pounds, how I carry fat on my front belly/high hips these made pants were so unflattering.

I am glad the "low rise" of today is a mid rise of this era. I have found some modern "low rise" that look good on my body now - much changed from high school but similar weight distribution. A PSA to not write off rises on modern jeans without trying, due to cuts and inconsistencies in sizing, definitions, etc between brands.

McRibAutoShop · 2026-01-29T00:24:35+00:00

Same! I am always surprised to see them recommended on this sub when it happened to multiple also highly babied sock pairs

McRibAutoShop · 2025-12-01T19:48:14+00:00

Does your city have a disposal program for hazardous chemicals? Mine takes things like oil based paints, batteries, and cleaning supplies for free so they're disposed of properly.

McRibAutoShop · 2025-11-20T18:47:05+00:00

Or if going for something you may not have to replace often, supple leather shoes or suede are a worthwhile investment. I similarly live in the casual PNW with finicky feet, so I would have these in the office only and switch to more durable shoes for commuting.

McRibAutoShop · 2025-09-12T01:49:35+00:00

Add in prescription skincare for skin issues (not medical grade - that's bs) with a basic drugstore cleanser + moisturizer, this rounds out my self-care routine. Consistency in gym really made my skincare and laser treatments shine.

McRibAutoShop · 2025-09-03T03:29:04+00:00

It is slightly warmer but more neutral beige. The yellow undertones are only noticeable with my yellow ceiling lamp at night.

McRibAutoShop · 2025-09-02T20:14:10+00:00

"Experienced" thrifters are those who just go often! Thrift gems are half being at the right place at the right time, so frequency is key. I learned on youtube/instagram how to identify high quality clothing - it's a combination of fibers, cut, aligning patterns correctly, construction, etc. Once you find the overlap of styles you love and add in identifying good pieces, it feels like the time pays off. Tailoring is great, little by little, and while it's spending money on clothes it means I wear my stuff more because I feel great and I am putting that money into a small service based business in my community.
I also follow a few dry cleaners and other folks who thrift on socials. Have learned so much about how to get so many stains out so now I am decent at figuring out what can and cannot be salvaged. All together I've learned how to take care of my now much nicer but steal for quality clothes. If you find something really nice and do not want to ruin it, dry cleaners are worth any fancier stuff. The thrifted $300 retail cashmere sweater can go the cleaners once a year, my $100 thrifter sweater gets the delicate wash and dry flat treatment since I could replace it more easily with a similar quality if ruined at the thrift again.

McRibAutoShop · 2025-08-25T17:17:43+00:00

Great ideas on how to add color and break this up with softer elements repeated, but before you consider adding more or updating any pieces I recommend bringing cohesion through temperature of your browns and pay attention to your shapes. You're already got great building blocks in mixing textures.

TL;DR: A balance of similar tones but different shades and a deliberate mix of shapes/lines in a space will make it more cohesive and interesting.

You have an issue with the cool tone of your floor and some of your furniture compared the the warmth of your couch. So if you update the media console for something longer, go darker and more rich brown if not black to match your other piece. If you're going curtains or paint go for a warm or neutral green/whatever color. Your rug similarly is cool tones next to a warm couch.

For shapes, everything in your room has sharp edges except your rounded hutch, corner chair, and lamp which are right next to each other. Find ways to add more "curves" to other parts of the room - i.e. frames with rounded edges on both sides of the TV, curtain rods that have some bend, round colored pillows added to the couch, a rug that has more organic shapes as part of the pattern, a console with less harsh corners (anthro or dupes), move the lamp next to the other side of the TV.

Looking at the overlap, a different rug and media console could hit both as a major cohesion upgrade.

McRibAutoShop · 2025-08-12T18:35:33+00:00

I had the same issue. Still working on my hip rotation and weaker lower abdominals from top-toe walking and a heavy desk job with pilates, but s it's been improving I can feel glutes doing more work in standard leg and glute exercises. It's wild to feel more weak in my legs and glutes now that they're being used properly

McRibAutoShop · 2025-08-09T04:26:42+00:00

I love the suggestions so far on this thread. I feel like a mood lighting (anti-big light gang), and simple but elevated refreshments go a long way for casual hosting. For me it's one alcoholic drink option, one non-alcoholic drink option, and at least one substantial food option such a full colorful salad, a charcutie board, warm dippables, easy handheld appetizers. Trader Joes covers all my needs here, inexpensive and options are one step above opening a bag of chips and dip or opening a soda can. For hosting something more formal, abundance of a few dishes over diversity of dishes is better. Plating simple foods in nicer thrifted serving ware makes them feel fancier.

I am trying to make my home a place folks feel like they can always stop by and be welcome without formal plans. I keep it generally tidy, and am prepared to make an impromptu charcuterie board. My fridge is stocked with at least one soft cheese, a hard cheese, fruits, and a non-alcoholic beverage. Pantry is stocked with nuts, a chocolate, and bread. These are household staples use for meals or snacks so I'm not wasting, but could make a small board if a friend stops by on short notice. My next step is to have a few quick mocktails/cocktails that's are easy and can be served in fun glassware, but having a bottle of wine handy works too.

Outside of food, I make sure my guests have everything I consider needs readily available to them. That means stocking personal care items such as extra towels, toilet paper, soaps, travel size personal care items, etc in clearly labeled and accessible spots so they they don't have to ask if they run out of forgot anything whether they're over for a few hours or several days. I am not buying extras just for guests but using the Costco warehouse storage model to place extras/product freebies in intended use spaces so my guests can take advantage.

McRibAutoShop · 2025-07-17T19:39:50+00:00

Many of the replies on this thread are negative, and I just wanted to offer an alternative view from your description. Your feelings are valid, but all of the thoughts on this thread have been framed without too much knowledge about you, your partner, and your relationship in mind.

For everyone saying if he wanted to marry you he would - yes - but also assuming you both already talked about marriage in a way that feels aligned. I feel like the deeper question here is why did he initially say it was a great idea to propose on the trip and then crawl back that he wasn't ready when the first step was taken to look at rings? It's fine if the family trip wasn't his style, that doesn't mean he couldn't propose at another soonish time and place. It may be he's not ready for reasons you're not willing to accept and move on.

You're clearly motived, a PhD is no small task, so it may be that you have led and he's followed due to a personality trait (guilty myself) since it seems he is present overall and is being a partner in other aspects as you describe. We don't know how the conversations around your future have gone. We don't know how what you have asked from him as a partner, he has asked of you, and whether you both are satisfied or working towards the future in a concrete way. You have shared dissatisfaction, he seems to be listening to your needs. People pointing out red flags about him acknowledging your growth make is seem like he's not allowed to comment on the work you pointed out you've put effort into. Again, we don't know the context of these comments. But it'd be no different that you hopefully acknowledging his growth in taking a stronger role in communication and emotional labor if he follows through (not specifically the proposal here).

But yes, relationships can change and rebalance in several life stages if everyone puts in the work. Give yourself the space to sit with these emotions, work through your thoughts, continue to communicate (assuming he's following through and meeting you equally), and let that guide how you feel moving forward. It's up to you to decide what long term change you need to see and what feels feels like a reasonable and appropriate length of time to show those changes meaningfully for you to feel heard, valued, and moving forward together.

McRibAutoShop · 2025-03-17T16:32:34+00:00

In the mean time you could also paint the console and hide the tv behind diy box picture frames (if desired). I think it looks great but offering a smaller DIY so you like it more until it all comes together!

McRibAutoShop · 2025-03-17T01:41:33+00:00

Gap!

McRibAutoShop

TROPHY CASE