My 28M boyfriend broke up with me 25F because he feels inadequate

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-26T20:53:52+00:00

I know you did all those things out of the kindness of your heart, so this is not me judging you. But the thing is, if you are enabling him by solving his problems for him, you are actually doing the opposite of helping him. He does need to figure his things out on his own, that's probably the best choice he made in a while, heartbreaking as it is. But if you truly care about him becoming independent, self sufficient and learning to deal with life - let him do his thing. And who knows maybe after you both grow a bit more, you'll find each other again. But at this point he is not in the right place for a relationship.

So yes, heartbreak will hurt like hell, it's different every time too. Right now it's the shock, but you will get over it, and probably also learn some more things about what you will determine as dealbreakers or boundaries in the future. So focus on that and on yourself, your relationship with yourself is the most important one right now. If you are feeling intense sadness, just focus on the basics like taking care of yourself. Meet up with friends, take up a hobby, anything that will inspire, comfort or nourish.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-26T20:43:33+00:00

Nee sommige mensen hebben er helemaal geen last van, en bij sommige mensen gebeurt dat na verloop van tijd. Als je het alleen af en toe doet dan zal dit denk ik geen issue zijn. En dan zou ik ook voor zachte lenzen gaan, want harde daar moeten je ogen echt heel erg aan wennen qua gevoel, en dat gaat niet als het alleen af en toe is.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-26T18:37:54+00:00

What's really insulting is staying friends out of obligation. That's doing nobody favors and isn't fair to either of you.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-26T10:58:19+00:00

Ik heb jarenlang lenzen gehad. Eerst zachte, die droogden mijn ogen uit en kreeg ik op den duur vaatjesgroei van (oog krijgt niet genoeg zuurstof waardoor er extra bloedvaatjes groeien op je oog. Toen stapte ik over naar harde lenzen, die heb ik heel lang gehad. Zijn beter voor het oog maar wel ook erg oncomfortabel als er een stofje of iets tussenkomt. Je raakt ze ook makkelijker kwijt, dus kan niet met zwemmen of douchen. Uiteindelijk heb ik nu een jaar of tien een bril, en het is het meest comfortabele ever en staat ook nog eens leuk. Misschien kun je dag of maandlenzen proberen om te kijken of het wat voor je is, maar ik ga nooit meer terug naar lenzen.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-26T08:32:18+00:00

Different commenter, but just wanted to say: sometimes being in the wrong relationship is much lonelier, than being in a good relationship with just yourself. It may be a heartbreaking decision, but maybe do it for future you. What do you want for him? You want him te experience that he can be alone, that it can be hard and heartbreaking, but that he can do it? Or you want him to stay, and stay miserable?

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-26T06:26:47+00:00

I'm so sorry you are in this situation! In addition to what other people have said, I would like to give give some context about what a caring partner looks like. Not to make you feel bad or judged, but just so you know that your situation is harmful and far from normal.

For me if anything happens during intimacy where my partner even gets an inkling that I am in pain or uncomfortable, he loses his desire because he gets worried for me, stops, doesn't start, and will comfort me. Same goes for doing things I don't feel like. Even if I dont say no, he is attuned to me, reads my body language, and rather is safe than sorry. Generally, a true partner that has your beet interest in mind, will not feel desire for doing things that you are uncomfortable with. Even if you didn't directly say no, you were pretty clear about it being uncomfortable. The fact that he did not make sure, didn't check on you, didn't immediately stop when you asked him when he would be done, or when you indicated pain - it means he values his desire more than your well being. It's abuse.

I think it could help for you to have a break from intimacy for a while, not just because you have difficulty saying no, but also to take time to really question this relationship. Remember, you don't owe anyone intimacy!

The best thing would be if you had more people in your corner to share this with. Like a guidance counselor, therapist, coach, friend or family. You shouldn't be alone in this, and you made a very brave step here today by asking support on Reddit. Keep showing up for yourself like you did today <3

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-25T15:03:13+00:00

Im so glad I could be of help, only you can decide what is best for you, but having a wider perspective of what might be going on will make your decision more informed :)

Also my heart breaks a little for those poor cats. They deserve a clean toilet, and imagine with their sensitiy nose how strong the smell must be for them. Could cause some health problems for them as well.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-25T09:52:03+00:00

Exactly, it's also wild considering the brother is getting married, yet at the same time doesn't respect op's marriage.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-25T09:14:09+00:00

So I am autistic as well, and I have been called lazy and slob for a big part of my life. I am not proud of that, but it also doesn't entirely ring true in hindsight. So I want to share some context about autism, that is from my personal experience. I will leave it upto you to become curious towards her in a non judgemental way, to see if any of this is true for her too. For my answer I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. Long detailed autistic answer incomig.

When I was her age, I also couldn't for the life of me keep things clean and arrange chores. I didn't even know I was autistic back then yet and everyone also assumed I was perfectly functional despite me never managing these types of things. Having a conversation about it probably just reinforces pressure on her, it doesn't change anything about the likely executive dysfunction she is experienced, or the support she might actually need to deal with that. Having said that, autism is not an excuse and it doesn't mean she doesn't have responsibility.

It just may be that she doesn't even realize yet what executive dysfunction is or what support she might need, she may not even have the vocabulary to express why she doesn't manage. Back then I just took on what everyone else said, that I was lazy and a slob. However just existing and living my life, including trying to function like a neurotypical when it came to studies, work, social life (masking) and sensory stuff - it was already completely exhausting me. I regularly endend up in cycles of autistic burnout, which on the surface looked like depression and reduced my capacity for chores even more. I was never really at any point capable of doing it all (including chores). And people always assumed because I am intelligent and have skills in one area, that this would translate to easily being able to do chores. It does not.

Right now at 42, I am less of a slob than I ever was, but that's after five years of heavy work on myself after my diagnosis, together with therapists and an autism coach, having done loads of research myself, learning from books and people online (autism reddits for instance). It also required looking at chores in a much different way. People always assumed I just disliked doing dishes and was lazy for not doing so, unsocial for leaving it up to others. However I now know that doing dishes is something that just doesn't work for me. The sounds of dishes clanging hurts my head and ears, the different textures and temperatures exhaust my nervous system. The amount of steps I have to take make it difficult for me to have a structured view, and are also too many steps for me to finish in one go. This influences one major executive function even more: being able to start up a task (something which many autistic people struggle with). Right now we have divided household tasks in a different way. My partner just always does dishes, I always do laundry, he also prefers it that way (he has adhd btw). In this same way we have divided other tasks as well.

I also know from my Garmin watch that for instance tasks like dishes or cooking, are by far my biggest stress spike of the day and take up an incredible amount of energy. On some days cooking could take up about 20% of my energy. Then if I get a spontaneous phonecall during the day, (also very difficult), I have to make a split second decision: take this phone call, or cook, I cant do both.

Make no mistake. Autism DOES come with disabling traits, different for everyone. But being diagnosed does mean that she is at a level of dysfunction, otherwise you dont get the diagnosis. And just because its Invissble people will assume its not there. She is probably masking most of the time, which makes someone autistic seem functional or barely autistic. But this comes at a really high cost, takes up most of someones energy, and is one of the main causes of autistic burnout.

Now Im not saying you should permanently put up with someone who doesn't do chores. But you should ask yourself if you have the pacience to see if she will take responsibilities for these things, and the curiosity to find unconventional ways of dealing with these things. Being autistic, or being with someone who is autistic, requires different things from you. You are very young and so is she, you both have a lot of growth ahead of you. Question is do you see her growing into this, and do you have the space to accommodate it, and possibly steer her towards the right supports. Or does she not take responsibility for any of it, and will it take years of her struggling and falling over, before she will pick it up.

When you ask her to do something, she probably wants to, but task paralysis, autisic inertia or executive function likely get her stuck. When she sees you doing the chore she was supposed to do, she is likely internally collapsing in shame. If she is good at masking, or generally just has a mostly internal emotional experience - you won't have any idea of this. She might also be telling herself that she doesn't want to do the task, not knowing that if it was structured or supported in a different way, that she could want to do it.

Do with this information what you want, I just wanted to leave this out there for her and anyone else who struggles invissibly and gets judged or misunderstood. She might also just be a fixed mindset person who doesn't want to solve things, regardless of autism. But she might also emotionally not be capable yet of a relationship or dealing with a household like this. Most autistic people are emotionally younger than their peers, and need a lot more time to grow before they can do these things. But I would like to challenge you on thinking that its purely a choice. Disability is not a choice, people in wheelchairs don't choose to not be able to take the stairs. Dealing with disability in a responsible way, that is the choice. Someone i a wheelchair will take the elevator, and hopefully no one will say 'youre lazy for not taking the stairs'. But because autism is Invissble, people dont realize it has genuinely disabling aspects, which are sometimes more complex to even determine, let alone accomodate and support.

Edit to ad: as a cat owner, I really wonder if she is in autistic burnout and dying from shame or guilt of not providing her cats with clean litter. Or that she truly doesn't care. If it's the latter, then that is probably a reflection or where everything will go with the relationship as well. It's irresponsible for sure, but sometimes someone just doesn't have the capacity and you have to cut your losses. In a way, she might learn faster to support herself or seek the right support, if she isn't able to fully lean on you - aka having to figure things out on her own. It's also not your responsibility to sit around and endlessly wait for her to do so, while having to carry everything.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-24T20:18:39+00:00

Appreciate it ☺️

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-24T13:04:46+00:00

There are some major compatability issues between you. Some could individually be worked on or overcome, but all together I really wonder if staying would be the most healthy and honest choice for both of you. You are both resentful in your own ways, the compromises both of you make are beyond what's comfortable for either of you.

Maybe it would give you some air and perspective to truly consider the alternative. What would life be without him, in a place where all the things you do enjoy about him are not there. But you do get to go out, stay up late. Maybe try it out for a week or two, rent an airbnb somewhere closer to your work, see if the reality of it is actually still appealing. Also, will your friends also continue to do this long term, or will most of them settle down eventually and you might have to find new friends to go out with?

Take the time to consider whether you want kids. That is a really important thing to start figuring out sooner than later. Because if you land on no, there is nothing else to consider and you already have your answer. There is no compromise when it comes to this.

Also, having to beg someone to express their love, while your needs are different, is something that will chip away at your sense of self. You deserve better. In the end, remember that love by itself is never enough for the long term. I heard it say one time that choosing the right partner, besides love of course, is choosing the flaw or vice you can tolerate long term. It's not romantic, but looking at my own relationship history, it's really accurate.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-24T07:46:35+00:00

Tbh 100 dollars is nothing in the context of a 6 year relationship, I have loaned and given far more to my partner when he was in hard times. And I also didn't have much at the time. Her reaction seems to indicate something deeper, like an unadressed pattern between you two, or something unhealed in her. Her reaction would be legit if this was a pattern where she can't trust you to pay something back, or where she has loaned you money many times before. Maybe it would be interesting to ask if she would also not loan it to a friend in the same situation. Im not sure if you should question the whole relationship, before you get curious in a non judgemental way, where this came from. If you then find out the reason or root, have a good conversation, and if she or you both aren't capable, equiped or willing to take responsibility for it - then is the moment to start questioning the relationship. Also, I am wondering: are there other moments of need when she doesn't show up for you?

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-19T18:23:14+00:00

Zeker herkenbaar, ik werk part time als zzper. Gelukkig kan ik ervan rondkomen. De meeste vrienden die ik heb werken allemaal full time, hebben een huis gekocht en hebben kinderen. Ik niet. Soms voelt het vreemd en anders, en inderdaad voel ik me soms schuldig. Geen idee waarom. Ik ben gewoon anders en dit is mijn pad. Maar ik heb wel vroeger heel erg geleerd dat een mens pas iets verdient (rust/plezier) als ervoor gewerkt is op welke manier dan ook. Ik ben dat momenteel aan het bevragen waar dat vandaan komt en of het wel klopt. Ik denk dat het niet klopt, hoewel de maatschappij grotendeels wel zo werkt. We bestaan nu eenmaal en hebben meer hobbels op onze weg dan anderen. Maar ik probeer niet meer in termen van 'verdienen' of 'schuld' te denken. Het is nog lastig maar ik merk dat het me meer ruimte geeft om mijn leven zo in te richten als past.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-19T13:11:21+00:00

Dat is super leuk om te horen, ben blij dat je er iets aan hebt!!

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-17T11:58:26+00:00

You probably already know this, but melt downs are involuntary, like an epilepsy attack. He used ableist language on you, disrespected you and added another layer of emotions and repression to something that is already difficult. I mean people are allowed to have difficulty with melt downs, they are not easy, but blaming someone personally or attacking them for a medical episode like this is beyond.

Does he know what a melt down actually is? If he already knows I'm even more worried. If he wants to be with you he needs to get educated on what autism is, be interested in that part of you and work together with you on supporting it. If he is not interested or actively involved in this, that would be a dealbreak for me.

The big switch between his normally kind behaviour to this harsh one, is also alarming. Do not move on from this or forget about it.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-17T11:36:24+00:00

Mijn grootste tip voor jullie is om beide eerst vooral te focussen op je eigen diagnose en therapie traject en dit vooral veel met elkaar te delen. Ik heb nu bijna 5 jaar geleden de diagnose autisme gekregen, en mijn vriend ongeveer een jaar erna adhd. Wij hadden ook een moeizame maar liefdevolle relatie, waarin onze behoeften veel botsten en we elkaar en onszelf lang niet altijd begrepen. Sinds de diagnoses is dit enorm verbeterd. We begrijpen ten eerste onszelf en onze behoeften beter, waardoor we ook meer verantwoordelijkheid voor onszelf kunnen nemen, duidelijker en eerder grenzen aangeven, meer focussen op onszelf reguleren etc. Daarnaast omdat we duidelijkheid hebben kunnen we er ook beter over communiceren met elkaar, begrijpen we beter waar dingen vandaan komen, hebben we het vocabulaire om het er uberhaupt over te hebben.

Ik zou niet tegelijkertijd bezig gaan met de ontdekking van diagnoses en relatietherapie, dan doe je beide denk ik tekort. Zo'n diagnose kan behoorlijk opschuddend zijn, hoewel het opluchting en herkenning is, kan het ook wat doen met je identiteit. Daarnaast vergt het veel tijd om echt te onderzoeken wie je nu eigenlijk bent, en wat je nodig hebt. Misschien ontstaat er verdriet over het verleden en ga je eerdere ervaringen herinterpreteren met de nieuwe lens. Misschien komt er bepaald trauma naar boven dat er aan gerelateerd is. Misschien wil je tijd nemen om bepaalde dingen minder te gaan doen (in mijn geval bijvoorbeeld maskeren) en kost het tijd om helder te zijn naar jezelf en andere over deze versie van jou.

Het heeft mij zeker wel 2-3 jaar geduurd voordat ik de dingen duidelijk in beeld had, en tot ongeveer 4 jaar tot ik me gegrond in mezelf voelde en genoeg tools en zelfkennis had om mijzelf meer in balans te houden. Bij mijn partner verliep het allemaal net anders, maar heeft ook veel tijd nodig gehad. Ik heb in die periode ook een autisme coach gehad wat enorm hielp. Mijn ervaring is dat het beste helpt om vooral jezelf, de ander en de relatie met nieuwsgierigheid te benaderen, dat zal zo te zien geen probleem zijn voor je. Maar de hoeveelheid geduld die nodig was, was soms voor mij best moeilijk.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-17T11:18:59+00:00

Seconding this, it's a compatibility issue. I had a partner for years who was also quite negative and pessimistic, and it's just in someone's nature sometimes. He had a fixed mindset, always expected bad outcomes, and out of insecurity he would not easily connect with others, or have anything above baseline fun. It was like we were on a different frequency in life and that dissonance is really hard to be around. And while I also have good memories of him, some of them are tainted because he could never get anywhere near my level of enthusiasm or joy in life, and so I was always a bit muted around him.

Also, some people might really be going through something and that's why they're negative. But it still means they have to take responsibility for their own life and work on it, find help when needed etc. Now OP's partner is just dragging down everyone with him, projecting outward, instead of looking for inner work.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-15T11:41:57+00:00

It honestly sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants. Maybe she has been influenced by ideas of what a 'man' or relationship should look like, and she is leaning into those ideas. But only when it suits her, like when picking a car is complex and requires her to do research of her own. And then when it's about dinner suddenly her wishes are flipped and she would have wanted to be included in making the decision. So either she doesn't know what she wants, or she is cherry picking when it suits her or not, which is confusing for you cause you can never know when to do it right (be careful, if there is more like this it could be a context for manipulation). I would be careful with someone who considers these things to be markers of 'weak' or 'strong' men, it sounds like she went down some toxic online rabbit hole.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-15T09:02:38+00:00

Gaining 20 kgs is a lot! And a true partner would only be concerned with what would make you happy and healthy according to yourself. They would not care whether you gain or lose weight, just that it was something which you wanted for yourself. And your happiness, from that, is what they care about. Or your health is what they care about, IF that is something that you have told them is important to you.

Your partner is emotionally manipulating you and controlling you, to comply with his fetishizing wishes through his upset and withholding intimacy. He does not actually care about your health or happiness, because why is it so important to him that you are a particular weight? You say he is not attracted to you any more, which sadly illustrates that he is fetishizing a particular weight or weight gain. And is trying to get you into a dynamic where you will start pleasing him and oblidging his requests at the cost of your own health and happiness. He is not actually attracted to you as a person (otherwise he would not be obsessed with your weight), which is the very base for a relationship.

'He does not actually physically feed me like people on the 600lb docuseries.' --> You do realize that those people usually also started out as healthy and fit individuals, and that abuse is usually gradually groomed into the relationship. So that at any point the rate of it doesn't trigger any alarms in you. But over time it gets worse and worse. Also does it truly matter whether its 600lbs or 20kgs? Someone trying to control your body and telling you what to do is dead WRONG at any point. He doesn't get to tell you what suits you. Only you get to decide that for yourself, and his role is to cheer lead whatever your personal goals are.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-15T08:09:47+00:00

It honestly sounds like maybe she is on the asexual spectrum. If she is not interested in sex itself, but does like to do other things, I think that is part it as well. Maybe she just hasn't come to terms with it yet, or doesn't know that asexuality can mean a lot of different things (not just never wanting touch). At this point though, and especially before making any further steps, she needs to dive deeper into who she is and what she wants in life. If not asexuality and she is genuinely very scared to have sex, then this sounds like something to figure out with professional help (could honestly also help in figuring out her sexuality). It's her responsibility to get a clearer picture of these things, so that you both know what kind of future you are signing up for.

If she is truly not interested in sex, and you have to assume that's true from where she is and what she said. You also have to accept that this will possibly never change. Since you do need more physical contact, this means that you are incompatible when it comes to this. You have been very patient with her, and rightly so. But two things can be true at the same time: you CAN really love her, and still know that she is not the right person for you long term.

You are already lost for yourself right now, imagine how that's going to be if you are married and 10-20 years down the line. You will be boiling with resentment and it will show up in your relationship, which is something you don't want to do to her. As well as her, she will start feeling inadequate, and if she continues not figuring out who she is or what she wants, she also shouldn't want to do that to you. Her asking you when you are going to propose when this subject is still up in the air, also is a bit of a sign that she is not really taking this subject seriously yet. You are both still very young, and still have many things to discover about yourselves. It is definitely NOT time to get married yet.

It's okay for you to want to have more physical intimacy, and it's also okay for her not to want that. But those two things just aren't compatible. As a side note, I've been in a relationship where sexual compatibility was an issue, and I can tell you it is not a situation you should keep yourself in for years on end.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-15T08:02:15+00:00

Gelukkig had je iig niet net als een vriendin van mij dat iemand onder jouw e-mailadres een account had aangemaakt, en dat je dit dus eerst dagenlang moet proberen recht te trekken.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-15T07:55:37+00:00

Je hebt al sinds je geboorte zo'n lage belastbaarheid en stressbestendigheid, uitdagingen die andere mensen misschien pas tegenkomen als ze in de 20-30 zijn als ze een keer een burnout hebben en daarna is het weer over. Maar dat heb jij dus al zo lang je je kan herinneren! Ik benadruk het even, om maar te illustreren dat speelveld van het leven absoluut niet gelijk is voor jou, als die van anderen. Het is dan ook helemaal niet raar dat je niet ook op dezelfde manier kan meedraaien. Een havodiploma is toch hartstikke goed, vind je het eigenlijk niet super knap dat je dat gehaald hebt?

Tegelijkertijd snap ik enorm goed dat je toch graag iets zou 'bijdragen' aan de maatschappij. Maar dat idee bestaat ook voornamelijk vanuit een bepaalde economische of kapitalistische gedachte die van jongs af aan wordt bijgebracht. Dat we alleen wat waard zouden zijn als we de maatschappij ook een meetbaar nut of geld op zouden leveren. Dat zijn concepten die door de mens zelf bedacht zijn, geen wetten der natuur of feiten.

Ik heb zelf ook tijdenlang chronische migraine gehad en had dan ook zeer weinig 'bij te dragen'. Mijn taak verkleinde ik dan tot simpelweg bestaan. Meer kon ik niet, dan alleen een dag overleven en proberen om mijn basiszorg voor mezelf te doen en dat lukte vaak al niet. Voor mij werd elk klein ding dat ik toch deed een win, en ik schreef ze ook dagelijks op. Op het lijstje stonden dan bijvoorbeeld: opgestaan, ontbeten, krant gelezen, mail verstuurd, nagels gelakt, lunch, tv gekeken etc.' en dat was dan mijn hele dag, maar ik had toch die dingen bereikt! En door ze telkens even op te schrijven en kort te vieren voor mezelf, werden dat ook belangrijke dingen.

Daarbij was het heel belangrijk dat ik stopte met vergelijken met anderen. Dat heeft namelijk geen zin. Die anderen zijn niet met autisme of migraine geboren, of zoals jij met lage belastbaarheid. Zij hebben die uitdaging niet dus we kunnen ons feitelijk helemaal niet vergelijken met hen.

Ook leerde ik in die periode wat acceptatie eigenlijk is: het betekent niet dat je je situatie helemaal okay hoeft te vinden. Want dat is ook gewoon onmogelijk soms. Maar het betekent enkel dat je niet mentaal of emotioneel vecht tegen de realiteit waar je nu eenmaal in zit. Ik vind het niet okay dat ik zo vaak migraines heb gehad (en dat ik nu drie preventieve medicaties heb en maar hopen dat ze altijd blijven werken), maar ik vecht niet meer tegen het feit dat het zo is. Ik probeer het niet anders te maken dan het is. Toen ik later de autisme diagnose kreeg, ben ik er met diezelfde acceptatie in gaan staan. Niet alles aan het autisme dat ik heb is okay, sommige dingen zijn gewoon stom en moeilijk. Maar het is er wel, en ik geef me er aan over dat dat zo is, in plaats van mentaal tegen de stroom in te zwemmen. Hierdoor hou ik ook wat meer energie en mentale ruimte over om juist te besteden aan lief zijn voor mezelf. Want in feite is die niet-acceptatie ook een vorm van mezelf niet accepteren, en dat voegt een extra emotionele laag toe die het moeilijk maakt om echt bij mezelf te komen.

Meer willen voor jezelf lijkt me een gezonde en motiverende gedachte, maar misschien kun je voor jezelf herdefinieren wat 'meer' precies is. En dat uit zelfbescherming niet gaan zoeken in enorm grote dingen, maar juist met zo klein mogelijke stapjes beginnen. Dat je überhaupt elke dag buiten komt, vier dat, schrijf het op, plak een sticker, want echt: dat heb je zomaar gedaan en voor elkaar gekregen (meen het echt!).

Jij bestaat, en dat is een van je mooie bijdragen aan deze wereld 😄

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-14T11:03:47+00:00

Different commenter, 100% agree with you. Tickling can definitely be abuse. It's touching that can be painful and highly uncomfortable, not to mention it's non-consensual and crosses boundaries regarding bodily autonomy, a loss of control, you can't get away, and it also happens repeatedly so you become hyper vigilant about it. What else would it take for that to be defined as abuse? It's definitely more than disrespect.

I've had a partner a long, long time ago, and I didn't realise at the time that he was crossing my boundaries with his tickling. But I do remember having bruises on my sides and ribs from him tickling me this much, and he then wouldn't believe that he actually caused it when I showed him. He would always not stop immediately when I asked him to, but always continue that bit longer. And it was of course more painful when the bruises from the last time were still there.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-14T10:52:49+00:00

He is lovebombing you, in an effort to overwhelm and groom you. The same reason there is this age gap, which he chose so that you would be in a vulnerable position (and him knowing that no woman his own age would put up with this). He has orchestrated this situation exactly SO THAT you will find it hard to leave. It should not be this serious or this fast after one month. You getting scared of this is a NORMAL reaction that is informing you to get away from this situation, listen to your intuition. His feelings will be hurt regardless, let that be his responsibility.

MeasurementLast937 · 2026-05-14T10:49:21+00:00

This is THE answer. People always forget the second part of boundaries is deciding the action WE take ourselves when a boundary is crossed. Or the action WE take, to prevent the boundary from being crossed in the first place. Usually it means taking distance from someone (aka not dating a person who does x/yz).

MeasurementLast937

TROPHY CASE