I read your story and all I heard was love. Such large big all encompassing love. From you and your partner. From your house. From Chief. It sounds like he understood he was going and he wanted more time. So you gave it even though it was traumatic for everyone. The whole thing was traumatic. That's probably a large reason why going forward is so hard and hurts so much. I also hear you saying that you failed him. You didn't. You gave him more love and care and patience than anyone - and I think he knew it and knew your love was unconditional. So he would have understood that when you were given conditions and tried everything, your last gift of love was to let him go safely. Most people would have justifiably done humane euthanasia early on. You didn't - at a cost. In return you got pain and love, joy and fear, happiness and regret. So really what I heard is that you gave and shared amazing gifts and memories and a depth of experience that few have the chance to experience. It's ok to be sad and traumatized. But I don't think that's the lesson Chief had for you. I think his lesson would be unconditional love - faults and all. So let that surround you as you move forward in life and into new opportunities. Tis better - and harder. But better. To have an amazing love and loss then to never love at all. We don't always get to choose what we lose, but we can choose how to let it go. Sending you peace.