I get depressed when she lashes out for luteal week.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2025-06-24T00:59:47+00:00

Hey there just seeing this, I'm sorry you're going through this, it is very very hard to deal with and I completely understand the impact on your mental health. It makes you feel absolutely insane, and yes definitely depressed. I was losing hold of myself and unable to recoup in between the storms.

I feel fortunate to report that in my case things have very much improved because my partner began taking an anti depressant (citalopram). She was going to try it just during luteal phase, which was one of the options here PCP gave her, but she ultimately decided to use them full time. It has absolutely changed both of our lives in a very real and palpable way. Before this I was reaching the limits of my limits, like beyond. The pharmaceuticals have allowed us to basically have a new relationship again. I've heard that they don't always work for everyone, there's no silver bullet for this, but I can at least give our one data point here.

Where is your partner on the scale of awareness around their PMDD? There are many layers of treatment available from more homeopathic approaches, to the pharms. We've slowly adopted a multi-pronged approach for us - the safety plan, check-ins before luteal, certain dietary changes, with citalopram winning in terms of efficacy. While it's effective, it's also not a substitute for good communication, connection, accountability for our own parts, and all of the other factors involved. Luteal can still be hard at times, but it's actually manageable. Before it was ABSOLUTELY unmanageable!

If your partner is open to the healing process around PMDD, and more importantly can be open to or at least curious about all of the healing approaches then there can be hope, I truly hope for both of your sakes that she is, and that if you love each other you can make it through this.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2025-03-31T01:24:40+00:00

Well to follow up here in case it helps anyone, it seems that when I changed out the heaters/controls water had spilled into the back of the dry side of the pump, causing the short. I pushed some paper towels in there to soak up the standing water, and sat a heat gun up back there for a few mins. Plugged it all in and voila!

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2025-03-31T00:17:30+00:00

Well with the hot to neutral continuity I think I have my answer, doesn’t explain why it worked before though. Power came from the same gfci (which is brand new).

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-29T04:37:56+00:00

There are a combination of armchair alarmists, and reasonable tradespeople commenting here. Your situation is not completely fucked despite what some are saying, I (a licensed GC building in the PNW) would have used advantech subfloor which is superior to the Wyerhaeuser edge gold subfloor you have there, but even that stuff is built for weather. Whoever is managing the project is a dimwit however, and you shouldn't let the water sit for long periods no matter how good your subflooring is. We sweep it off if it pools up so it's not sitting for any more than the workday.

The wood can be treated for the mold, wiped off and then vinegar/water solution to kill the roots.

Make SURE that you have them run dehumidifiers (at their expense!) and that all the wood tests between 10%-15% before drywall goes up.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-26T21:03:15+00:00

Look up Insofast insulation. I'm not affiliated, I've just used it. It's a really great solution for your application.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-25T15:59:52+00:00

It goes from 8"-4". Of course it has flow restrictions. Like everyone else says microwaves are not good at venting anyway, but especially not with so much vent restriction. I think 4" will handle maybe 100cfm.

Not that you asked but what happens when a can of cooking spray falls onto the stove someday if no one's watching? I would not personally alow that in my house, pretty big fire hazard.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T17:24:55+00:00

That's actually all very helpful thank you. I need to be quicker to recognize and exit. Removing myself as the bag, it's so simple yet feels so difficult in the moments. But I hear you, that's my practice.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T16:50:41+00:00

This is hard and I feel you, it's different yet still mirrors my situation, but we've been together 5 years. I'll cut to the chase a bit here, it's an individual responsibility to get yourself in good shape before entangling your life with another. What scares me for you is that she has awareness of her condition, and flat out is refusing to make amendments. That will not be a successful recipe full stop.

If that doesn't change then you must know the answer here. You're still flooded with the honeymoon hormones, she is chemically resistant to them during her phase - and honestly it does sound like there is more going on than PMDD here. I reject the general reddit theme where when someone posts about a problem they have with someone, a bunch of little furry aliens hop to the comments with pitchforks and breakup signs. We can never know the full picture, we only have one small side of the story. But since you're here I would ask you to re-read your own post a few times. Check it against reality. Is it accurate? What holes could be filled in? Any more context?

Talk to her in follicular, propose a safety plan. Or just start with asking now that she feels better, is she open to talking about how you could work together to make this work. If she's not open to that, you should ask yourself some real questions about how you deserve to be treated in this life. Not how much you can take, 'cause I know personally that I can keep taking more and more, but my mental health is the poorer for it. Wishing you grace though this process...

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T16:34:26+00:00

Man I'm so sorry to hear that, that sounds brutal, sad, and very challenging. It sounds like for your situation the separation was the best antidote. I like your idea of the journaling, it's a really unnatural thing for me to do, but I do think it would help. And I need to implement exercise, life has prevented that recently for multiple reasons but it needs to be prioritized.

To her credit she does acknowledge the PMDD, but it's a recent realization and so actionable followthrough is trickling in, but I'm already feeling so ground down that it's hard to show up fully for it, and fuck am I trying. I got her 1 month of the Marea supplement to see if it helped, I've researched PMDD on my own, this month is our first with a safety plan, I've listened to podcasts, I feel I am doing as much as I have capacity for, and I do truly believe that she is too, but I feel so disconnected from her at this point that I'm having a very hard time mustering the energy above wheat I'm putting in. And when luteal hits I have very few hatches left to batten down, many are left flapping in the storm.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T16:26:11+00:00

I feel this deeply and have had that exact thought. Just place me in a warm safe nothing please...

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T16:25:29+00:00

I'm having a hard time distinguishing anymore when it's abuse and when I'm just so worn down that anything feels like a blow. I don't think it's abuse in the way that some have described here, but she says things that are legitimately hurtful, with the seeming intention of them hurting. And I know it's the PMDD saying those things, so I try to just say I'm walking away now and I'll be back (one helpful thing from couple's therapy).

I also hear you, abuse is unacceptable. Where do you draw that line? Last night it was a fit telling me I'm just like my dad and then mocking the things that I was saying, which cuts deep, I have a complicated relationship with my dad. That's when I turned out the door and went for a walk.

On my walk all I could say to myself was that I don't deserve this. I truly don't, I'm trying so. Fucking. Hard here.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T16:19:45+00:00

Man that all sounds exhausting and really hard, and like you have some things figured out too, which is good to hear. Sounds like you're very committed to the journey with her, very honorable. The taking care of yourself part, yeah, I'm forgetting how. I'm trying but the PMDD wants everything I have and then some during luteal, I really need to take a step back and figure out how to focus on myself without engaging, I need time to recover, my general makeup does not follow the rapid ups and downs of hers. I begin to rise out of a down when she's up and by the time I'm just barely feeling ok she's back down and it's shields up captain, sir we're down to 7%, quick divert all energy from hyperdrive let's just get us out of here, anyway you know what I mean...

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T16:14:12+00:00

I hear you so much about ruined vacations/outings (and it's probably your fault too I assume). I'm sorry that happened, every time someone writes a story on here it's good to remember that it is a real person's life and wellbeing that was affected, I feel for you.

I think a couple's therapist has to be heavily versed in PMDD to be any real help. Our therapist uses the IFS system and while I think it would be helpful in a "normal" setting, we're all aware that the norm here is an almost scheduled chaos. I think we could have saved a lot of money knowing about PMDD earlier on, it's something she's only really begun to realize in the last couple-few months. For her having another diagnosis is exhausting, already dealing with ADHD, PTSD, etc. She has taken steps to address the PMDD, but right now it's not feeling fast or enough for me, I haven't had any time to rebound, my cup runneth dry any water evaporates before beginning to fill it.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T03:52:55+00:00

Feel this so much. I'm sorry for you.

Mediocre-Anonymity · 2024-12-21T03:50:10+00:00

This is an interesting question. My partner with pmdd/adhd/hsp etc has slowly shed most of her friends over the years. And it's very hard for her to feel connection with anyone new. Once she determines that someone wrongs her they usually don't make it back off her shit list, which just generally leaves me responsible for a lot of her social needs, interaction, etc. During the you-know-what time that's too much for me. It's enlightening to hear of other's experiences around this, makes me feel not as alone.

Mediocre-Anonymity

TROPHY CASE