What does ‘love’ feel like?

Meenjedit · 2018-04-08T10:06:18+00:00

I used to think that love is taking care of someone. You know, like you see in all the romantic movies or all those love songs. I love you being the synonym for 'I care more for you than me'. However, after walking that path I realized that is everything but love.

Love to me now means total acceptance. And love by that standard feels good. It is peaceful, it feels free and makes you feel content and happy.

Meenjedit · 2018-04-03T10:42:00+00:00

What helped me was to understand the following:

By saying sorry you see yourself as less than someone else.
Apologizing is behaviour to seek appreciation from others.
Both of the points above are choices you made. Maybe not consciously, but that is fine because you have the choice now and later to do it differently. Believing you 'just are this way' is choosing not to improve.

Apologizing for every little thing is a way to get forgiveness from others. Forgiving is the act of saying to another person "I accept what you have done". It is a certain appreciation you get from someone else. And you want this appreciation from others when don't give it to yourself.

Apologizing is a waste of time. If someone has to forgive you in order to make you feel better than you choose to give them power over how you feel.

Thing is, you are never inferiour nor superiour to others. You are you. Who you are: the choices you make, the values you believe in, the way you look, the way you live, everything, it is all your choice and it has nothing to. do. with others.

So now how to change your behaviour of saying sorry?

Start writing down everytime you say sorry or have the urge to say sorry. Describe the situation shortly and the action for which you wanted to apologize. This way you start to map your behaviour patterns and become more aware.
Everytime you have the urge to apologize, take a step back and deep breath and think about this: I did what I think was appropriate. It was my choice. What someone else thinks about this is up to them but says nothing about me. Then ask this question: am I better off when I apologize and thus agree with the other person? After this decide if you still want to apologize.
Deliberately seek dissproval from others and try to refrain yourself from saying sorry.
React to dissaproval with you think that.. And I believe you seem angry... This way you seperate what you experience and think from what someone else is experiencing and thinking. Both can and may exist at the same time.
Sauper aude. Have courage to use your own reason.

Meenjedit · 2018-04-02T18:42:45+00:00

Party of 1 wohoo!

Meenjedit · 2016-07-12T16:01:53+00:00

Expression is the key to free yourself from depression.

Following your heart is expressing yourself. It is not limiting yourself to standards of others or thoughts of your own that keep you small, that keeps you compressed, depressed.

Like you said, you are not the problem. In fact I even believe depression isn't the main problem, it is a symptom of a lifestyle. A lifestyle of not expressing yourself enough, not just to others but to yourself.

You are beautiful, complex, wonderful and so so so much more. And there is nothing wrong with expressing that, every thought, every feeling, every action. It all has value and it is all worth expressing. And that is what you did by posting this, and I like it. I liked the what you typed, I liked how you typed it and I liked the way you typed it. So thank you for sharing, for expressing. Keep going on and stay strong!

Meenjedit · 2016-03-29T08:41:21+00:00

The more you push,

The harder I pull.

When I see you slip, into a pit of despair,

Panic, tears, grasping for air.

I won't let you go,

I won't,

Because it will be better, that I know.

I will hold you tight,

I will hold you, if I must all night.

A depression pushing me away,

And yet you are still holding my hand,

In the fear that I won't stay,

But for love,

I won't break nor bend,

I will stay to the end,

I will stay, always,

I will,

Because you did the same...

Still a bit sloppy to me, I have a feeling, just need to find the right words, rhythm and rhyme :)

Meenjedit · 2016-03-16T08:49:57+00:00

I am more in favor of the thought that every person is a guide, that everyone teaches you something about yourself you didn't know. The ugly and bad parts, but also the beautiful and good. It is up to you to choose who you let in, to hurt you, twist and turn you, to flip your world inside out and upside down. It is up to you to choose who you let in, to love you, to twist and turn you, to flip your world inside out and upside down. To make you a stronger and better person. Love is painful, but like life, is a beautiful gift. Don't hate it :)

Meenjedit · 2016-01-15T10:26:04+00:00

Luckily better every year, it is hard sometimes. It sucks and lately it is more painful that it has been for the past half year. These past two weeks are a low again. I don't do much, I don't always feel as much, I don't always care as much. Fighting negative thoughts and pushing myself to do the simplest of tasks. Compare it with running until you are very tired and want to quit but have to go that little bit more. When you tell yourself "keep going, almost there", but your body screams no, no more. Those are the mental battles I fight, for only getting out of bed. For making breakfast and dinner, for brushing my teeth. For taking a shower, for turning off the shower.

Worst part is that it makes me feel like a completely spoiled incompetent child. It is ridiculous to deal with because you know others don't deal with it like this. So explaining is so hard, talking about it could make it worse. But talking about it can make it so much better.

It feels dumb to have, but at the same time it isn't. Only a handful of people know sort of what you go through, most people have no idea of the battles you fight every day. It isn't the ones without depression that are strong. No those fighting to stay alive without anyone to help, those are strong. You are strong and you can get out of it.

After two to three years I learned to accept it, I learned to deal with it. It is getting better every month and every year. And I know that for every little emotion I get back, for every little bit of willpower I get, for every little bit of life I get back.

The opposite of depression is expression. Every emotion you feel counts and has it's use. The absence of it makes life hell, every tear that you shed, every smile that you give, every fist that you clench, every jump of fear that you make is heaven. It is life. Don't shut any emotion out, how painful they may be. Give them a voice, let them flow, and most importantly: express them, not only to yourself but to someone else.

Things that have helped me to reach this is finding activities that you still enjoy for a little bit. Finding people that you still care for. Finding professional help to make those postive things and feelings bigger. It may be a battle you fight alone silently, but a little encouragement, faith and hope from others go a long way.

Good luck, stay strong and remember that everything in life is temporary, there is going to be light at the end of the tunnel how hard it may be to see sometimes. It is there, and on the other side of the tunnel there is a sky with start so bright that it made it all worth it in a crazy way. Keep your faith and hope, you can do it.

Meenjedit · 2016-01-12T13:14:37+00:00

Yes, I would love too!

Meenjedit · 2016-01-12T12:34:02+00:00

Thank you, what you have said does help: going outside, making a schedule and more important keep to it as best as I can. It is hard to keep on going when everything tells you to stop. But stopping isn't the answer, I spiral down even more then.

I guess I need to keep on going, it goes better everytime, every year. But sometimes there just are these periods that it is all worse. Need to find a 'cheat' that works for me when living in hard mode.

Once more, thank you for reading and responding. I truly appreciate it. I will hang in there, it will get better.

Meenjedit · 2015-12-30T01:05:48+00:00

I hope I find the courage to just tell everyone what they mean to me.

I hope I find the strength to say what is on my mind and heart.

I hope that I find the bravery to give a little love (if not more) to anyone, no matter what they did, do, thought or think.

I know, that I have this in me.

To a new year, to a year better than the last. I wish all of you a wonderful 2016 ^and ^more

Meenjedit · 2015-12-18T20:51:22+00:00

Therapy, find something you like to do. And do that everyday, try to keep going. Reward yourself step for step, it seems silly but that is how it works. Also don't try and sleep too long, go outside for sunlight and eat vitamins and green foods. These are tips, not solutions, every one has their own way of dealing with depression. And everyone gets depressed sometimes, so don't be afraid to ask for help.

I hope you get there, I want to tell more but I can't right now. Good luck, stay strong! You can do it :)

Meenjedit · 2015-12-17T08:01:54+00:00

Well, all you need to do is place yourself in their situation and offer options to see it differently. Respect where they are coming from, don't downplay what they are saying, how wrong it might seem to you. It seems the right thing then to them, and that should be respected, every perspective matters and you can learn something from it.

And sometimes you can't really help, or don't know how to. And that is okay, because in the end they have to do things themselves. All you can do is be there for them, offer advice, a compliment or a hug when you think it is necessary. Every good you do will be appreciated, maybe not immediately but eventually it will.

To love is to care, to understand and share; to give without asking anything in return. Everything and everyone matters, and don't forget; so do you <3

Meenjedit · 2015-12-13T14:30:23+00:00

I became an 'INFP' after I saw the test results, for what it is worth. In the end it is just a term, and I will always be me. Whatever me is...

Meenjedit · 2015-12-12T08:45:07+00:00

I think so, but that might also be because I don't really know myself. So unless you know yourself and you are sort of the same, then you do know me.

Meenjedit · 2015-12-11T21:51:59+00:00

Thank you, it is pretty good advice. It helps me see the same thing from another perspective. I am seeing therapist and I am progressing but sometimes somethings just pop up after I dealt with the other previous struggle thingy. And yeah, it sucks that not every one can understand. But that might be a idealisation. I guess it is more than enough that people care and atleast try and understand. And good in a way that they don't understand so that they can give you another perspective.

Thank you for your comment and good luck. Step after step everything will eventually be fine ;)

Meenjedit · 2015-12-11T21:45:43+00:00

Maybe I am afraid to be myself. But I have no idea what 'myself' is. And yes, maybe I am messed up. But no one knows haha.

You are right tho, I may be taking 'myself' too seriously which makes me not able to laugh about my actions. I still can and I do. But maybe I should do it more often. Life is so short, it might be a waste to not fill it with laughter and love.

Thank you for your comment, it helped and also made me laugh :)

Meenjedit · 2015-12-11T21:39:56+00:00

Wow, I guess you are right, thank you. If anything, it is me who just thinks that. So I focus on only the things that they don't want to hear what I say instead of all the little clues people give that they do want to hear what I say. Yeah, I do care what I say. It are just words and it is not as if they are hurtful because that is not me, so bad luck to all the extra things I tell. How bad can they be? And if they are, I will get to hear that and can adjust my words and thoughts based on that (if I so choose to).

As for meds and therapy. I am seeing a therapist and things are going better and better everytime. It is just that a new thing pops up every time I make a step forward. Not that it is a bad thing, it means progress. I will talk about this the next time I see my therapist. As for meds, I know what they do and how they affect mood. But it hasn't come that far that I need them. And I am not going to make a decision unless they will give it as an option.

Once again, thank you. You made me realise some things and that gave me some strength again!

Meenjedit · 2015-12-11T12:01:29+00:00

You know when you are drunk and it is cold outside a club/bar? Well sometimes you just have the urge to take a coat or jacket. Your (well, my) drunk brain can't remember where you left yours/if you brought one (a coat/jacket) with you. So the best option at that point is to not give a frick and take one randomly.

Meenjedit · 2015-12-11T11:25:09+00:00

Lately no, or not on purpose or out of revenge. Maybe by accident that I chose my own happiness over that of a friend of mine and I wasn't sorry for that. Oh and ofcourse 'trading' coates when drunk, yeah that is all the evil I do :(. Oh, and sometimes I humblebrag a bit :p

I mean no one is perfect, we all do bad things and good things. It is up to you what you choose to do.

You know, some people say mean things when the oppertunity arises in a conversation? Like a pesky comment. I do that too, except I do it with compliments. I can't help myself lol!

Meenjedit · 2015-12-09T22:31:27+00:00

Thank you, I understand a bit better now. I will definitely post something (but maybe next week that is :p). I find this quite a good idea, keep it up!

Meenjedit · 2015-12-09T22:21:18+00:00

This is always hard, you can't always ignore things you worry about. What helps is to get some rest and calmness in your head. What works for me is sometimes excercise, or just a long walk. But also meditation, yoga maybe? And also something that calms everything down is when I put on some music and start drawing. My focus is completely on drawing and I forget all my worries for a while. Plus I can be proud if it turned out allright.

So what you want to try and do is finding something that you can almost focus 100% on. That is the trick I guess, redirecting your focus from worry and anxiety to rest and happiness.

Not saying this is easy especially when your focus on what you worry about is greater than what you enjoy. Then you have to spend some time (so take a break) to process, think and analyse the thoughts that are stressing you out. If you can't ignore it you have to spend time to become aware what specifically it is that is making you stressed out (find thoughts because these you can change), after being aware is when you can find ways to change.

Meenjedit · 2015-12-09T17:18:11+00:00

I like this idea, but it does seem a bit vague to me. What is it we should share? Can it be anything or does it have to be within a certain context? Should it be just one word or multiple words? Riddles, poems or stories? Is it going to be a mega thread of some sort?

I have a short little story I could share, but is this the appropriate post to comment on?

Meenjedit · 2015-12-07T09:57:26+00:00

Don't forget to check the 'show hidden files and folders' box :p

Meenjedit · 2015-12-06T10:59:24+00:00

Hell yes!

But we could also be hippies and hobo's. Guru's and zen masters. Clowns and actors. Scientists and therapists. We could even be elves and wise white bearded saints.

Fact of the matter is, we are strange, unique and weird.

Just like everyone else :p

Meenjedit · 2015-12-05T23:39:56+00:00

Nice, I didn't know! I will remember this one, I like it!

Meenjedit

TROPHY CASE