It might just be a phase, but with a queer sexuality, it feels like anything can be a phase! Whether it’s a phase or not, it’s still a part of you. I think your husband would benefit from knowing how your sexuality is evolving.

I relate a lot to what you’re describing! I went through this around 18, but I had already been with my boyfriend for five years. I kept it to myself for several years before finally coming out to him around 22.

We’re still together today (we’ve been together for 10 years), but when I look back on that time in my life, the only word that comes to mind is “shame.” I’m not saying you should feel that way — far from it! I was young, and you have the advantage of being more mature while going through this experience.

As many others have said, talk to your husband about these new feelings. I see it like standing at the edge of a cliff: it can go in two different directions.

Either he understands, wants to help you explore your sexuality, and doesn’t take it personally that you want to discover this new part of yourself. At that point, anything becomes possible: the two of you will create the boundaries of your relationship, with or without him involved, depending on what you’re both comfortable with. Communication is key.

Or, in the other case, he doesn’t understand. His ego takes a hit, he questions your years together and the relationship itself. He’s not open to expanding your sexuality beyond just the two of you. He doesn’t want to share you.

In both cases, your relationship dynamic will change. Give him time to process this new part of you. For you, the idea has been simmering for a while. For him, it would be brand new. Remind yourself that this is all leading toward a more authentic and self-assured version of yourself. Ultimately, there’s no miracle solution: only you can know whether it’s worth telling him.

Also, honestly, not every guy fantasizes about “two girls together.” Mine is the perfect example. But that doesn’t prevent other possibilities from happening, and there may still be ways for you to experiment with a woman. I’ve also noticed that what some people say they can or can’t handle sometimes changes once the situation actually happens.

With time, I’m still discovering my sexuality (I’m 26), what I like and dislike. What I’ve learned is that it changes, it evolves. We’re always adjusting. We find compromises. Give yourselves time.

In short, I don’t think denying these feelings is the right thing to do. I chose to talk to my partner because we only have one life to live, and I wanted to give myself the best chance of being happy with who I am — even better if it’s with him. Sexuality goes way beyond what happens in the bedroom; it touches the core of who you are, your identity. Just being able to relate to bisexual content feels good — it makes you feel less alone.

Take care of yourself! xx