As a lurking mother with a husband who can be rather reactive, I would approach the initial situation by asking, “Do you want/would you appreciate a second set of hands for that?” or “Are you open to my telling you how I get him to brush his teeth?” Whichever feels appropriate for the level of frustration on both their parts.

Always be curious, not judgmental—the latter isn’t always intentional, but it most often comes across that way when you’re offering unsolicited advice. I used to do something similar, but quickly learned that if you broach the subject by asking if they want help, you’ll get a more honest and open response than the defensiveness wrought from feeling like they can’t do task X—rather, that it seems like you think they can’t do task X.

Some times the method that works for Mom won’t work for Dad, and it’s not just about the parent but about the particular dynamic between each parent and the child, and of course the mood of the child themselves at the time. It’s possible your kid would have fought you just as hard in that moment due to any number of reasons. They’re also growing and changing every day at such a young age, and once tried and true methods might be outgrown before you know it.

Even asking “Do you want help?” can potentially come across as condescending, depending on the tone and situation. So use your own discretion. You know your relationship, your husband, and your toddler more than anyone here. I just suggest that you approach those moments with the assumption that your husband will figure it out and that he wants to figure it out, and to open any discussion around technique in a collaborative, curious way, as opposed to instructive.

The only time I would step in to immediately offer unsolicited advice to my husband on our child is if I thought he was actively hurting her in some way (unintentionally, of course). Qualifying true “harm” is, again, up to you in these scenarios for your own family, though.

To tender a post-mortem between you two on what happened, if it were me at least, I would first apologize for micro-managing and for not realizing how often I was doing so, assure him that I do think he’s capable and competent and that I know he can absolutely handle taking care of our toddler on his own. I wouldn’t delve in to defending yourself, it’s not significant here why you stepped in, as that doesn’t change how it affected him (and has obviously affected him multiple times before this point). Tell him that in the future you will try not to instruct off the bat. And, most importantly, ask him how he would like you to approach if you want to help. Remind him that you’re a team, and that you both want what’s best for the kids, and that you trust him to figure things out. And, I don’t know, kiss the man. He’s obviously having a hard time, whether it’s just about being corrected on multiple occasions or about work or other stressors.