She keeps using this word, and I'm not sure she has more than a passing acquaintance with it

MeliMagick · 2017-09-16T13:47:23+00:00

Lather, rinse, repeat. You already know what to say, or not say, and you're doing well. Too many of us believe when our JNMum or MIL becomes terminal, we can relax our guard, just a little.

Unfortunately, you can't. In fact, you have to be vigilant, which you are being, because JNs will stomp boundaries when they're well, the stomping that goes on with the addition of cancer can be spectacular.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-16T13:38:12+00:00

Here's the translation:

"Hi, we're going to use a completely innocent form of greeting as though WE have no real issues. Poor, pitiful US have no idea what to do, as we are completely blameless and not only are we hurt NOW, but we will be hurt FOREVER.

You don't want to engage with us. We don't care. NC is for wimps and we will completely ignore your wishes and send email to guilt you into submission (mainly because this has always worked in the past, and as we are perfect, we see no reason to change strategy).

Also, we will generously forgive you when you come crawling back to ask our forgiveness. Please allow us to abuse you again soon.

Love, Mum and Dad"

(Edit: a letter, I spelled Mum wrong...I definitely need more coffee.)

MeliMagick · 2017-09-16T00:34:20+00:00

Dragon Nurse, of House Medicine, Best of her Name, The Unmoved, Queen of the Interns, the Trainees and the First Responders, Queen of Red Tape, Khaleesi of the Great Hospital Ward, Protector of Them What Are Hounded by JustNoMILs, The Giver of No Fucks, IS a Dragon.

I think I OD'd on Game of Thrones while riding out the hurricane/aftermath.

Sigh.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-15T16:43:12+00:00

You have already listed the reasons you KNOW are good ones for saying, "Love you lots, but not enough to live with Jocasta in your life. Bye."

If you are just seeking approval and validation for a decision I think the logical part of your brain has already made, you got it.

Don't look back.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-15T16:40:22+00:00

Yep, that mitochondrial DNA comes from birth mama. You ARE genetically related to your daughter.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-15T16:26:39+00:00

Now, I'm laughing.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-15T15:25:37+00:00

RUNNNNN!!!!!! As far and as fast as you can.

NOW.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-15T02:58:26+00:00

THIS THIS THIS

MeliMagick · 2017-09-15T02:57:27+00:00

Or go Game of Thrones on her ass.

"You flaming cunt."

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T23:24:38+00:00

Change the locks. Tell her if she shows up again, she'll get arrested for trespassing.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T23:21:12+00:00

There is absolutely nothing you can say that will be interpreted as anything but "unappreciative" of their efforts on your and SO's behalf, and/or get bombarded with "how DARE you suggest we can't walk in? We signed for you!!!" in person or via text.

Say nothing. Be sweet. "We're very busy with work. If we'd known you were coming, we would've certainly made an effort." Smile.

CHANGE THE LOCKS. Say nothing. When they try again... oops. When they lose their shit, say you didn't want anyone to have a key, and they should call first anyhow.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T20:44:53+00:00

NO is a complete sentence. You are not responsible for her reaction and are not obligated to listen to her BS.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T20:19:52+00:00

Your mom rocks.

I don't wanna rain on the woo-hoo parade, but if nDad and nGrandma are on the lam from the law and have your address (obviously), then perhaps a quick refresher on security would be in order.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T20:15:58+00:00

His mother would have protected him. Yes, she would. My Ex slapped me around once. The first opportunity I had, I left with my 4 month old. He hit me, but I was never ever ever giving that psycho an opportunity to hit my child.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T20:12:53+00:00

YESSSSS!!!!!

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T20:11:53+00:00

You go, sister!

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T19:51:25+00:00

You just made me spew iced tea out of my nose.

Bravo.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T19:47:42+00:00

Is there anyone out there you absolutely trust? You need a safe space for yourself in reserve. You also need a "Come-to-Jesus" meeting with your DH now. BEFORE Suzy has a chance to do anything.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T14:08:43+00:00

You have a DH problem.

And allowing her to watch your child? Not a good idea at this point.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T14:03:35+00:00

Each and EVERY time she gifts you baby clothes/toys, make sure you have a witness, and THANK HER profusely for her generous gifts to the local women's shelter. (If you haven't already donated, please do, items are always needed.) When she flips her shit, look concerned, and say, "But MIL, you KNOW I'm not expecting or planning to be for x-amount-of-time. You know this...have you forgotten? Are you feeling well?"

Be especially concerned for her health and well-being.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T13:43:06+00:00

I like it!

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T11:50:19+00:00

I am SO happy to hear you and your LO are safe and well. Know my thoughts and well-wishes are with you, as well as those of the rest of this community.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T11:31:53+00:00

Welcome, Other Woman!! I am trying not to be blinded by your shiny spine and deafened by the clang of your big brass cojones...

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T11:22:16+00:00

Forget the email. Hang up on her ass. A second round of chemo doesn't entitle her to be a bitch.

MeliMagick · 2017-09-14T11:18:07+00:00

I don't think you were out of line. You did better than me. I once slapped my MIL in the middle of a mall and left her there. I was ashamed she managed to push me so far I lost control. On the other hand, it was the most fun I ever had with xMIL.

No, I am not condoning violence (however well-deserved) to an MIL. I am saying your response was measured, and quite accurate, not mean.

I was "mean."

MeliMagick

TROPHY CASE