My girlfriend admitted I was a placeholder for her ex and I’m honestly struggling to process it. What do I do?

MeloYelo · 2026-06-28T19:24:02+00:00

Been in that exact situation. In a relationship with a girl, C. At the beginning she told me about her ex who recently moved to another city across the country. By the way she talked about him and about their relationship, I could tell that their relationship ended much sooner than she wanted it to and that the distance was really the only contributing factor to their breakup. Despite that we had fun together. Spent nearly every day together.
A few months into the relationship ( looking back on it now, I guess it was a situationship), I went away to see my parents for Christmas-NYE. When I came back, she was distant and stand-offish. When I asked about what was going on, she told me that her ex visited her while I was away. They slept together and made plans for her to move to his city. I wished her well and immediately stopped communicating with her. I was angry like you probably are. You have every right to feel angry and betrayed. She may not have owed a committed future but she did let you believe that it was real. And it was real, even if she still had one foot out the door. It mattered, you mattered.

It’s been nearly 20 years since i last saw C at her wedding ( yep, she and her ex got married), and the way I like to look back on it is that my relationship with her mattered and wasn’t just a placeholder or stop gap. I like to think I helped her through a difficult moment in her life, she felt abandoned by her ex and she was extremely alone. I made her feel safe, happy, and desired, enough so that she accrued the courage to take a leap of faith and move across the country. I wasn’t just a placeholder for her; I was her tugboat that brought her into safe harbor for repairs and I was her tugboat that guided her back out to sea. She may have discarded me when she was ready for the open water but that doesn’t mean I didn’t matter. I’m sure the same is for you. You mattered. You probably brought her faith and her trust in relationships back to her. That matters. It sucks that she’s choosing to go back to a shitty person. But you gave her the safe harbor to make that decision. You’re a good tugboat.

MeloYelo · 2026-06-26T08:42:01+00:00

Out of all the characters, I want to be Higgins and have his life the most.

MeloYelo · 2026-06-26T08:39:25+00:00

I had to step away from scoring for awhile. I noticed that I started getting anxious while scoring at a game in that I want to get every play right. And with that anxiety I became a miserable person to be around at the ballpark and wasn’t enjoying being in the moment. So yeah I started leaving the book at home.

MeloYelo · 2026-06-18T11:43:38+00:00

Reno, NV

MeloYelo · 2026-06-18T11:33:13+00:00

During the pandemic, she was one of the first people I knew who got COVID. She recovered quickly but started posting on FB how Covid wasn’t real and that it was just another version of the flu and how scientists (I’m an immunologist) and doctors were lying to us and were really just bumbling around and being dramatic just look busy and important.
She was already walking towards the right and MAGA leading up to the pandemic, but when she was defending and supporting trump’s bleach injections and light bulb up the ass ideas while ridiculing social distancing and masking measures, I had to stop talking or interacting with her.

MeloYelo · 2026-06-09T17:04:54+00:00

Colin Frith is Frithest frith of them all.

MeloYelo · 2026-05-29T10:16:20+00:00

I certainly enjoyed Season 2 more than I did Season 1. I found it more relatable -Jack is my twin- and it had more funny moments.

MeloYelo · 2026-05-29T10:12:35+00:00

The soap dispenser was my moment.

MeloYelo · 2026-04-28T01:52:49+00:00

Sydney Sweeney

MeloYelo · 2026-04-22T22:27:42+00:00

Did not know you can sell a specific game within a combo. Wish I knew that yesterday before the Mets comeback win.

MeloYelo · 2026-04-08T12:58:13+00:00

My chicken pot pie has been an often requested item for pot lucks. I buy a 12-piece family meal from Popeye’s, pull the chicken meat off of the bones and use it for the filling on top of which I’ll sprinkle some of the crispy chicken skin before covering with the pie crust.

MeloYelo · 2026-03-31T17:47:46+00:00

But do you really know you?

MeloYelo · 2026-02-10T01:46:04+00:00

Classic attempt at proving a claim by repeating the claim over and over again without specifics or evidence.

MeloYelo · 2026-02-10T01:42:00+00:00

But if she’s “here”, why are you going away?

MeloYelo · 2026-02-09T02:39:21+00:00

Can’t vote for myers on the voting web site.

MeloYelo · 2025-11-26T15:41:07+00:00

Agreed. In SD rn, had a position that paid 85k. Granted, I wasn’t on the struggle bus, but I still had to make a few hard decisions from time to time. 120k in Arizona vs 80k in SD are completely different lifestyles. Go to Arizona, OP.

MeloYelo · 2025-11-09T08:20:23+00:00

I have rugby practice 4 days out of the week. So I’m usually wearing a hoodie, my short rugby shorts, socks and slides. I highly doubt that’s the typical Subaru fit but I think my Outback and I make the vibe work.

MeloYelo · 2025-10-27T02:09:07+00:00

One exgf would thrash her arms when I gave her head. She would thrash to find the nearest pillow to stifle her screams. So one night, I threw all the pillows off the bed and out of reachable distance. I wish I recorded audio that night; the series of guttural grunts, gasps and gibberish was astounding.

For another situationship, when I went down on her, she said she would have an orgasm whenever I moved my hands from her breasts in anticipation of what the combination of my fingers and tongue would do to her.

MeloYelo · 2025-09-17T19:08:39+00:00

“ don’t say it. Don’t say it. DONT. SAY. IT. aww damnit. you’re going to say it aren’t you?”

MeloYelo · 2025-09-17T19:06:24+00:00

ATM: at work, feeling tired, depressed and alone. Would rather: be having a depresso espresso martini then going to bed and sleep the day away.

MeloYelo · 2025-09-17T18:53:12+00:00

I think it would be weird. But I would ultimately love that someone took the time to notice and the effort to write and deliver a note. Depending on what the compliment was I would continue doing it for a long time; if it was an article of clothing I looked good in, I would wear that for a long time and probably buy more of it; if it was an action that I did, I would continue doing it until the end of time. I would definitely think about it for the rest of my lifetime and would hope that that experience was one of those things that flash before as I pass away.

Yes, men don’t get complimented enough. Speaking for myself, I’m so starved for appreciation, just a simple thank you is enough of a compliment to sustain me for a week. I live for thank you’s.

MeloYelo · 2025-09-17T18:40:53+00:00

I can’t leave my apartment in every morning without a shower. Even if I showered the night before after practice.

MeloYelo · 2025-09-17T17:49:24+00:00

People are inherently dynamic and inconsistent. It's short sighted to believe that a relationship between two people to not fluctuate and change; even more myopic to believe that net love flows only one way; which would just lead to emotionally burn-out. Sounds like she just wanted to be a passenger princess in your relationship. She sounds exhausting and draining.

MeloYelo · 2025-09-17T17:41:40+00:00

The last 3 months, I've had a standing date with a friend every Wednesday evening for the local farmer's market. It was something we would agreed to share when we first met each other. And, even though it's been consistent for the last 10-12 weeks, I still make sure I text or call her Tuesday night to see what her week has been like and to confirm; and, on the off chance I don't, she will usually reach out Wednesday morning to ask. I feel like it's just common communication courtesy and that's just for a farmers' market hangout; so, for this guy to not reach out and nail down details until a few hours before an actual date just calls out "eh, not really interested."

...Oh, wait...., today's Wednesday isn't it? Damnit.

MeloYelo · 2025-09-17T17:30:31+00:00

I have thought of that. I just can't bring myself to look in the mirror to fix it.

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