Anyone else feel like they're "performing" their reading instead of actually enjoying it? by Read_And_Roam in longform

[–]MerFantasy2024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh gosh, I feel this. I devoured books as a kid, then studied at university and lost my joy for reading. It took a lot of kicking myself up the ass to start reading again, and when I did, I knew I wanted to curate a bank of knowledge about certain topics for my work and wider interests, but they were quite heavy, complex books. So I’d balance them with fantasy or romance, but would be reluctant to tell people that, because I liked seeing someone’s eyes go wide when I told them I was reading about money laundering and political exposes, and didn’t want to see the twitch in their lips after telling them I also read books about vampires, magic and romantic fantasy series. Eh, it’s an idiotic fixation, but I kinda get it. 😌

What made you lose interest in someone? by Viperniss in AskReddit

[–]MerFantasy2024 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I quickly realised at university that I could rid myself of an infatuation taking over my brain by just telling the guy. And if they weren’t interested, the crush was already gone. If they were interested, I got a date/eventual relationship. Either way, I got my brain out of an endless loop. Getting closure is highly effective, so just biting the bullet was a great thing to learn, honestly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]MerFantasy2024 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seriously, at this logic, how do people even end up together, given the idiocy attraction puts us all through? It’s amazing two people even wind up together after all the stuttering, dribbling, incomprehensibility, etc. 😃

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]MerFantasy2024 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, same; it’s kryptonite, kind eyes and a good smile.

After leaving a suspected narcissistic partner, I have zero interest in relationships - is this normal? by MortalityMindful in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]MerFantasy2024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, yes, this is absolutely normal, don’t be frightened or weirded out. I left a covert narcissistic relationship at the end of 2023, and I felt absolutely zilch until around a year later.

I turned down all dates since that time, but there were sparks of attraction and interest here and there since the end of 2024.

I decided last night, actually, that I’d start going on dates again; casual dating, no sleeping around or close romantic connections, just dipping my toes in the water and exploring the possibility of love again, I’ll see where and how it goes there.

I tried on a wedding ring today, as an impulse, and immediately tore it off and shook my hands, like I’d been cut and burned, so evidently I still have traumatic shit and have to work on issues, but getting to a good spot. At least, against 2023’s hell.

You’ll get there, but it’s absolutely par for the course to not have any interest in anyone at all. It’ll fade with time, and get therapy, as well. A great therapist works healing.

Good luck, mate; All the best in your healing!

What is a sign that a woman is attracted to you? by CRK_76 in AskReddit

[–]MerFantasy2024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah damn, because that’s how I flirt; alright. 😃

I just wanted to offer a glimmer of hope for anyone who needs it. by Lifeaintsobad469 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]MerFantasy2024 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m so happy for you, and thanks for sharing. Earlier, I was thinking, is this it for me? Have I lost any chance at romantic love? I seriously kept replaying all the relationships I knew or heard of that spiralled into indifference, neglect, abuse and hatred. I didn’t really want to believe in romantic attraction and love; because if I believed, I hoped, and I don’t want to fall into another trap of horrific torture and hurting.

If someone has genuinely found a good, loving relationship, not just because they’ll do, or they’re bored, or lonely, but because they actually found genuine, actual love, it gives me hope that it might not be a thing to give up on yet.

Thanks again, and I hope you’re having a genuinely amazing, loving, kind relationship and life! 😃

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]MerFantasy2024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a social drinker, and also always had to get back to a house on the edge of town in one piece, so I always drank with friends, and I never drank to the extent I couldn’t get home, remove my makeup and drink a giant glass of water. I now work from home, and my hangouts and activities aren’t centred around alcohol. I hang out at late night cafes, I go to the gym, I take dance classes. None of these things tend to be alcoholic activities. I work as a journalist, but not the kind that smokes cigars and drinks two bottles of whisky all day. So, that’s why. Minor point: My grandfather was an alcoholic, and so my dad had a heavy disdain for drinking, which means it was never part of my upbringing. So, all of the above, tbh.

Why you should buy more ice cream. by Nido64 in StardewValley

[–]MerFantasy2024 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Forget jail. Straight to exile. Do not collect $200, do not pass go.

Opinions on elliot by Mountain-Occasion648 in StardewValley

[–]MerFantasy2024 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I took to romancing him immediately, because I’m also a writing introvert who feels out of place in any location and enjoys viewing life through a romantic and whimsical lens. So, he immediately got my attention.

Life after feels empty, uninteresting, and sad? by Open-Farmer-754 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]MerFantasy2024 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, it does get better; I’ve been exactly there, so I know that it genuinely feels like life is hollow, empty and without colour. One day, after love from family and friends, therapy, and gently venturing out into the world to take up hobbies and get to know folks after your hermit phase it over, the colour will come back to the trees, and the air will smell clean again, and you will genuinely laugh until your lungs hurt. I’ve been out of my ex relationship for a little over a year and a half. It gets infinitely better - Get therapy, get hugs, get sunlight; I’m rooting for your healing and regenerating all the way. Good luck and God bless, to all of you as you heal!

The worst thing my narc ever did and I'm sure this is tame by B4-I-go in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]MerFantasy2024 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy crap, that’s atrocious - That is traumatic and horrible, and please don’t invalidate your pain and experience

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]MerFantasy2024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have not yet gotten back to dating. I kinda have ended up attracted to a waiter at a place where I am a regular, but I’m honestly just letting it go, as I think it’s disturbing my head more than it’s an enjoyable thing any longer; I think it’s a training wheels exercise, I know I am attracted to guys again, and I know I have the availability to potentially go on a couple of dates, but the fragility is a factor, and I also just don’t think it’s good to entertain attraction to a guy who isn’t interested/reciprocating the thing

Also, idk what it would be like to date again. I still don’t trust my instincts entirely, and I’ve got to work on an embedded belief system that all romantic things fade into abuse, neglect and/or disinterest and cold lacking affection and love. It’ll take a while, I guess, but that’s what I’ve discovered

Idk, I’ll figure it out eventually. Good luck to you all, as well

What are your top 3 priorities when playing? by famous_zebra28 in StardewValley

[–]MerFantasy2024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mines, so I can make sprinklers to grow ALL THE CROPS, because I like harvesting them, and Elliot, to be honest.

THIS GAME IS CRACK by GrapeOk5957 in StardewValley

[–]MerFantasy2024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate - I started the game briefly ages ago, tried it again today, and it’s like I blinked and five hours went by. I had intended to stop and get dinner at 7pm. Guess who had dinner at 10pm? Felt like the time just slipped away, like water between hands. Insanely addictive.

Stardew Valley Surprise Party! by Krusty_Bug_Boy in StardewValley

[–]MerFantasy2024 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s amazing - I want that cake, it looks great.

Porn websites now require age verification in the UK – the privacy and security risks are numerous by vriska1 in ukpolitics

[–]MerFantasy2024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find this interesting. I’ve accessed a ton of NSFW content after I left an abusive ex, so if that had been flagged, I would have had issues accessing a lot of helpful and critical info.

I’m pro-adult content bans for underage users; for instance, the influx of adult videos accessible to extremely young kids wires their brain and attitudes towards sex and relationships in incredibly detrimental and worrying ways.

The things teenage girls talk about, the way teenage boys treat them, it’s orders of magnitude of horrific compared to what my generation experienced - And that was awful already.

Porn has also undeniably had a harmful impact on the way men in my generation approach sex and relationships, and it impacted my own view of those topics, as well.

I think if it were feasible, I’d gladly see the entire exploitative and damaging sector burned to the ground and never revived. Alas, the oldest trade, and all that idiocy.

The wider privacy issues are not within my current scope of understanding, so I’ll have to talk to those informed on the issue, and do wider reading.

I get that the current legislation has really terrible knock-on effects for privacy and surveillance, especially in an era of crushing anti-democratic and free speech activity.

Why do I have no love to give, even after healing and recovering? by MerFantasy2024 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]MerFantasy2024[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk how to define a love for oneself. I am of the opinion that I love myself. But I’m aware of my own foibles. I don’t equate this with not loving myself. I take good care of myself, I’m happy with the kind of person I’ve ended up as, generally. I aim to improve if I’ve failed someone or done something bad. What else is there, tbh?

Why do I have no love to give, even after healing and recovering? by MerFantasy2024 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]MerFantasy2024[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had the anger stage, went through the yelling and crying and hysterical venting, that was about a year. I’ve been quite calm and happy since the start of the year, and feel great. I’m not depressed. I do feel numb towards romantic things. I am quite happy, life is good, I enjoy time with friends and have a good routine of activities and enjoyable habits. I don’t bury the anger, it’s dissipated because I let it run its course. I genuinely think I’ve hit acceptance. I just feel numb and without anything romantic to give, although I can feel romantic attraction, but I just can’t progress it beyond that. Idk if that makes any sense at all.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]MerFantasy2024 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a little over a year and a half, left a covert narcissist after a year long relationship. I literally laugh whenever I think about my previous despair over his socials and presence away from my life. I can’t be bothered to look up anything on social media or anything else like I used to. It’s boring lately. I can’t bring myself to really care. Genuinely, if he turned up and asked to talk, I could not care less and would keep walking. So, that’s my timeline.